Journey of Happiness

Migrating to Wordpress.

2011-10-10T16:02:00.002+01:00

Since I can't open blogger easily here in Beijing any more, I have decided to move Journey of Happiness to a new platform:

http://sherlyzhang.wordpress.com

You are welcome to visit there any time :) See you there!

6 more days....

2011-08-22T16:09:00.000+01:00

To Beijing, China.
Why do time fly so fast when we are having fun? I can't believe it already comes to the last week of our holiday at my home... One month is truly NOT enough! :(
Sunday afternoon will come so soon for us to leave Bali on the way to Beijing. I still am NOT excited. I really don't know what to expect... Maybe I'll just close my eyes and have faith that God knows what's ahead of us... Maybe.

Please pray that things go well for us starting a new chapter there, in Beijing.

Anyway, this evening, we went to Airport to send my beloved best friend and sister, Yulia, off to go back to Jakarta. She came since last Wednesday, for 5 days. Too bad I was sick, so we didn't get to go around Bali as planned. However, we had a great time at Tanjung Benoa; me taking photos and Lan and her playing jetskis, banana boats and parasailing. We also played UNO together, the four of us (Lan, Grace, she and I), and had way too much laughter!
I'm so glad she came. I really am blessed to have her as a best friend for the last 12 years (and for many more years to come, I believe). My lovely sister, thank you for coming to meet me. I love you and I miss you already! xoxo.

'Til the next post, God bless you all! :)

The latest news!

2011-08-16T05:19:00.000+01:00

We are back from being in Surabaya for a week. It's just nice to just be at home again, except that I am sick. Headache, runny and blocky nose, as well as fever. Ugh... I am feeling horrible right now.

We were super busy in Surabaya. Meeting people here and there. The most important, however, was to renew my passport and apply for the Chinese visa. So now I got my new passport and Chinese visa. One thing that was so complicated is how to legalised our Indonesian marriage certificate. :( We had to send things to Jakarta (Departemen Hukum dan HAM + Departemen Luar Negeri) to get their approval stamps, etc. Super complicated! Until now, it's still not finished yet... I hope it's finished real soon, so that we can have stress-free holiday!

How are you all doing? I hope I find you all well.

Anyway, headache is killing my head, so I better lay down for now.

xoxo

Tired but home.

2011-07-31T15:11:00.000+01:00

After a trip seemed to be forever and so tiring, we are finally back home. We slept more than 12 hours since last night and woke up around 1pm today!
It's our first time seeing my parents' house since the renovation, looking nicer and spacious. Lan has been forever teasing Grace, our little sister and having a grand time giggling and playing with her. Another good news is that Internet is way faster now! We even have wireless! *woohoo* ;)

Anyway, that's all for now. See you tomorrow.

xoxo

in Singapore

2011-07-30T01:02:00.000+01:00

We are here, using free Internet access in Singapore Changi Airport. We're so tired and sleep deprived, no matter how much sleep we had in the plane.

My monthly guest also decided that it's the 'perfect' time to visit me, so, from waist down, my body is triple-wreck!

We arrived in Singapore at 6.40am, and our flight to Bali is not until 3pm something, so we have lots of time to kill! Probably will be walking around, especially after so much sitting down we did!

I was secretly sobbing on the plane, while Lan was fast asleep. I was sad leaving Liverpool and heading to the unknown... At the same time, I prayed that The Lord guides our little family all the way, wherever we have to be.

xoxo

The closing of this chapter

2011-07-28T12:24:00.000+01:00

In less than 24 hours, Lan and I will be leaving UK for good. This morning when I was awake on the bed, thinking about how many more hours we have until tomorrow's flight, my heart was thumping like crazy. This IS probably the last post I'd typed in Liverpool.

I have lived here in Liverpool for almost 10 years (in September it would be 10 years). I've grown comfortable here and gotten quite used to everything here. I studied all my 10 years here, met my husband-to-be here, spent our 4 years of marriage here in a student life.
Right now, I am more terrified than excited about the future. Tomorrow at 9.10 am we will fly out of Manchester heading to Bali. We'll arrive on 30th and stay there until 28th August, before flying again to Beijing. Yes, we are settling down in Beijing this time. Not sure for how long, but it might not be permanent. Definitely some years there. :) I am terrified of the unknown that is embracing me in Beijing... I don't speak Mandarin and I am NOT a big-city girl to begin with. So I have a lot to adapt to.
These 2 days, we are blessed to find out that we have found the flat that we wanted to rent and that we got the government permit to own a car. It seems that things are taking their places on perfect timing. Praise The Lord! I know that He is preparing our way ahead of us.

All in all, even with my PhD withdrawal, I can finally say today that I've done this chapter well because of God's grace. There was no way I could've done all of those I achieved alone.
And I know that God understands and He leads my way. I am not alone, He is always be with me, even in the most terrifying moments of life.

So... I welcome the new chapter of my life now. I know God's goodness and mercy are prepared for me and Lan, our family.

See you on the other side of the world, friends, and good bye, Liverpool...

Paris, I'm in LOVE!

2011-07-27T15:56:00.000+01:00

We had a great great time in Paris for 5 days. I would say it was NOT enough... I wanted to stay longer, but maybe it's the sign we should return there soon :)
We spent the first 2 days in Disneyland, made me feel like a little child going into a fantasy land! Then the third day we went to Eiffel tower and Arc de Triomphe. Fourth day was spent at Notre Dame, Musee de Louvre and Champ de Elysees. Fifth day, we went to Chateau de Versailles before heading back to Liverpool. Those 5 days were spent with lots and lots of queuing, burning feet, tiredness, good food, happiness and fun!

Now we're back to the reality that we have only a few days here for packing, cleaning up and all the other stuffs to do before flying out from Manchester for the one last time to Bali and then to Beijing.
I will keep those sweet memories of Paris in my head for now, maybe once we're settled I might write them down in this blog. :)

See you soon!!

2011-07-20T13:37:00.000+01:00

In a few hours we are off to Paris for our 5 days of VERY belated honeymoon!!! *woohoo*
I am excited and feeling so surreal... we finally got to go this time after a fail attempt back in 2008! I'm praying for good weather and awesome holiday! I am just so so thankful for this opportunity!

Praise The Lord! He is good all the time, no matter what. :)

See you when we come back.

Congratulations, my dear hubby!

2011-07-19T10:58:00.000+01:00

I am so proud of you, my dear! I was overflowing with pride seeing you in that red robe, walking across the stage to get your certificate! It was a longggg day, yesterday, and we were both so tired afterwards... It started with heavy rain until afternoon, but I think God heard our prayers and it stopped. :)

What an unforgettable day! Congratulations on getting 'Doctor of Philosophy'!
You know that to me, you're still my dear hubby, no matter what's your title.
I love you!

Exciting times await!

2011-07-16T20:54:00.000+01:00

Yay!!! I cannot wait for Monday to come! It's Lan's graduation day and he will officially be a Dr. that day :) I am so proud of him! It's going to be a busy day; the graduation ceremony is at 3pm, followed by a short reception afterwards held by the department, and we are invited to a farewell party made for us by Daniel, Karolina and Michel (the colleguaes in the department). (I'm not quite sure who else is coming...)
Tuesday will be the final packing day before we leave for Paris on Wednesday!!! *weeee!* I really cannot wait!

Here is hoping that the weather will be warm, sunny and most importantly DRY on Monday and that our honeymoon is really enjoyable :)

Alrighty... I hope you are all having a great weekend and will have a blessed week ahead :)

So many things to do!

2011-07-11T19:30:00.000+01:00

Looking at our plan on our last few weeks here, boy, do we have lots of things to do and lots of people to meet! In a way, it's a realisation that we actually have lots of friends here in Liverpool :)

With a week to Lan's graduation, I've made sure that his shirt is ironed and ready to wear. However, we're kind of anxious that the graduation ticket hasn't arrived on the mail yet. I hope it arrives in the next few days, otherwise, I won't be able to get in to Philharmonic Hall, where the graduation ceremony is held.

Nine days to Paris. I am excited as well as dragging it hehehe... I haven't really packed our things yet. I'm just too tired after doing a lot of packing, sorting and throwing stuffs away.
Our home is looking bare right now, doesn't feel as homey as it used to. All the photos on the wall are gone and a lot of stuffs have either been shipped to Beijing or given away to charity shops. We only have the necessary stuffs left. Even so, it still will take a lot of energy to pack up when we're going on the 29th.

At this point, I have mixed feelings...
Oh, I forgot to post here... Last Thursday, the 7th July, I went for the last meeting with my supervisors. Yup, I made my decision to withdraw from PhD final that day. The withdrawal form was signed and given to the University that day. No words can really describe how I feel (even now).
I just hope I made the right decision (even when I look at it in the far future). I hope I will never regret this. I know I am supposed to let it go, that it's a past, that I can't do anything about it, but I know, it will take at least a while.
So pray, that I can go through this, that I can conquer my own negativity and move on. Pray that this move across countries will do me good. :)

Before I forget.

2011-07-04T18:20:00.000+01:00

Today, I am writing about our anniversary celebration, before I forget all the details about it. We ended up having lunch at home, because we had a sleep-in and both woke up quite late. All the packing and tidying things up must be really tiring us down, not to mention it's been a nice hot week! It's nice outside, where you can feel the cool breeze, in our flat, not so much. It becomes really hot in our flat, because the window can only open very little (even that we have to wedge it with 2 thick shopping catalogue books!).

So, we finally ventured out around 4pm. First destination was this new Pattiserie Valerie that we saw at Met Quarter (a shopping centre). They are specialised in cakes and desserts as well as serving some hot food and salad. We went there for the desserts. There were so many choices, but we ended up with 3: Black Forest Cake, Double Chocolate Cake and a Whoopy Pie. Iced lemon tea for the drinks.
Mmm... Those cakes were heavenly! Sweet but not too sweet! Just lovely! They are quite expensive, as we ended up paying £15.25 for our desserts (the cakes are both almost £5 each)! However, we found out later that they are mostly £1 cheaper if we take away! So next time, we would take away and eat at home hehe...

It was around 6pm when we finished, about dinner time already... But we decided to walk around Liverpool One for awhile, to let all the desserts go down a bit. :) No shopping this time, just window shopping and taking pictures around.
In China, Lan bought me a point-and-shoot Canon S90. I love it very much because I can easily put it in my bag and it's not as heavy as our DSLR. So, lately, we've been using my camera a lot. (I think Lan's become too lazy to carry his own camera hehe).
Anyway, after an hour or so, we went to Mei Mei (Chinese restaurant) to have our dinner. We had Japanese Tofu on hot plate, Crispy noodles and Sze Chuan beans. Delicious and too much! We ended up taking some leftovers home. :)

Simple celebration, but it was nice. We hope to celebrate, at least, the next 50 years together.

Happy 4th Anniversary, Honey!

2011-07-02T16:42:00.000+01:00

It's amazing fast we've got to celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary today! Time just flies unbelievably fast!!!
And no matter how fast it's gone, It's been great! Saying 'yes' to Lan was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. He's the better man than I've ever wanted from a husband. He is kind and understanding beyond my expectation, supportive at all times.
Inevitably, we had our clashing moments, but each and every one of them built us up stronger rather than tore us down. I praise the Lord for that.

I am forever grateful to The Lord for Lan, for this marriage, for His plan in our life.

Happy anniversary, Tun! ;)

And happy birthday, my dear beloved sister, Yulie!!! I love you and I can't wait to see you soon at home. :)

Almost 4 years.

2011-06-28T23:25:00.000+01:00

In 3 days, Lan and I will celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary! WOW! 4th year already! I am ecstatic! I am all the more excited in spending all the years to come with him... Over the years, our relationship gets easier. We understand each other better, compromise easier and we definitely are involved in a lot LESS and a lot SHORTER fights. It does take time to adjust from single life into a marriage life, indeed, but it definitly is better when both parties are willing to live the adjustments. And I am glad that we both are willing.

We plan to just celebrate it with a simple dinner, because we're going to Paris in 3 weeks! YAY!
Lan has got his Schengen visa yesterday (a very much shorter time to kill compared to mine!), we've bought our disneyland tickets today and we've planned our time there already. Suitcase is half-packed. I just can't wait!!! *wheeee!*

In the mean time, we're packing and sending stuffs to Beijing like crazy!

ONE month left!

2011-06-27T13:55:00.000+01:00

I can't believe we only have ONE month left before we leave UK for good... I have mixed feelings about this; excited, scared, happy, and sad. It feels like Lan and I are closing this chapter of life and are opening a new and unknown chapter of the future!

There are still a LOT of things to be taken care of. Packing and sending stuffs, sorting unnecessary things to be donated, Lan's graduation on the 18th July, our trip to Paris on the 20th and my PhD withdrawal. The last one is the toughest one for me. I am having a hard time to finally make the decision. I mean... I've made it and I am ready to withdraw, but to finally fill the withdrawal form and to be obliged to write a detailed reason, it's difficult to do, especially when I feel guilty for 'suspecting' that I will disappoint my supervisors. Even knowing that this decision is RIGHT for me, does not make it any easier.

I guess, I have to do what I have to do, right?

July is going to be a crazy busy month for both Lan and I, but I am looking forward to it! Graduation, Paris, a month trip to HOME! I am pretty sure a LOT of fun are waiting for us... though, I am pretty sure I'll be sad leaving UK on the 29th July. I've been in Liverpool for since September 2002, that's 9 YEARS! I've met people (including my husband!), in and out, happy and sad... I feel I grew up here and know my way around here comfortably, and now it's time to move on.

Ah... time does fly so quickly.

Cheshire Oaks

2011-06-22T20:58:00.000+01:00

Today, for the first time since March, I drove again! Lan and I rented a car (we got a Ford Focus) and (I) drove to the McArthur Glen Factory Outlet in Cheshire Oaks.

First time driving without instructor (since having the UK license).
First time driving 70mph on the motorway.

Boy I was NERVOUS!!!!
We used the free Ovi map on my Nokia phone (Thanks, Mich, for this ;))
I missed a few turns, went on the wrong exit on a roundabout, but we eventually got there safely (and back!)

It wasn't an enjoyable drive yet for me. I was trying real hard to make sure I drove properly. But overall, we had fun! Lan shopped lots more than I did. He got a nice pair of Timberland boots, a suit and a few other things :)
It was nice to not have to carry our things around, we could just put them in the car booth and start walking again!!

Ps. Thanks, honey, for believing in my ability :)

Yes, I am happy!

2011-06-20T11:07:00.000+01:00

I have never felt so complete like this before. I think, through the visa incident, Lan and I both realised that we love each other more than we think we do and more than ourselves. It's a great wake-up call. :)
We are closer than ever and understand each other more than 7 weeks ago.

I am so happy, but, gosh, I am so EXHAUSTED!!!! I think all the exhaustion that I tried to keep down during the 7 weeks has finally come up on the surface and affecting my body. I'm sleepy all the time.

However, overall, I am still so grateful! Grateful that prayers work, that faith proves that miracles still exist, that *most importantly* God still listens to each and every prayer we say.

And as Lan said, "God works in a mysterious way!"

Have a great week ahead, friends :)

Just a short one ;)

2011-06-17T22:55:00.000+01:00

He is home.
I am happy.
He is tired and jetlagged.
I am getting more insane-less.

We're together again!
Thank you, God! :)

Have a lovely weekend, people!

And he's coming home!!

2011-06-15T10:43:00.000+01:00

I slept less than 3 hours last night, in fact, I only fell asleep this morning at 6am, only to wake up at 8.30am. So I am all tired and my eyes feel like they are swollen, but I FEEL GOOD! I am HAPPY!

Got the news that Lan's got his visa at 02.51am.
Even better, got the news at 04.24am that he's got a seat on the flight middle of tonight AND will be arriving in Manchester Airport tomorrow (Thursday) at 19.15!

Woohoo!

All I can say to you, Jesus, is...
Thank YOU!
I've said it hundreds of times and I will keep saying it for the rest of my life.

Thank you for the prayers and support, friends (& family)! You all have helped me knock the Heaven's door. :)

Happiness overdue!

2011-06-14T17:23:00.000+01:00

I am still in the 'surreal' phase right now, but I would love love love to share a good news that we have all been waiting for!

Got a news that the UK Embassy has finally finished processing Lan's visa and it's now back to the agency. Lan tried to pick it up today, but because he got the news so late, by the time he got to the agency, it was already closed. So, tomorrow morning, he will go there to pick it up.

Thank you, Jesus, for answering our prayers!
Thank you, everyone, for praying for us earnestly!

We will find out tomorrow whether or not he gets the visa and whether it's already valid. If so, he will try to get on the flight back to Liverpool tomorrow night and hoping to arrive on Thursday afternoon or night!

I was so happy that I was crying when I heard the news! I'll post about the visa tomorrow. :)

Again, thank you, Jesus!

Llangollen - 11 June 2011

2011-06-13T23:14:00.000+01:00

As Lan was not back yet last week, my adventure on the Saturday with Michel begun again. This time, we went to Llangollen, which nestles within the beautiful Dee Valley in the North East of Wales. It took less time to drive there than Llandudno (the place we went the week before). As before, we went to ASDA first to buy some lunch to be eaten when we get to Llangollen.

To me, Llangollen is a cute little town. It has little shops, varying from craft shops, bakery, pastry shop, ice cream parlor, butchers and traditional English tea rooms that look intriguing! It gave the same feeling as when Lan and I went to York last year, which I never got around to write on the blog. :( It's the feeling of what British towns should be.
So, we, firstly, explored the town, which is not very big, and paid a visit to the tourist information there to grab some leaflets of the local attractions. It rained hard for awhile, but, praise The Lord, it stopped and from then on, the weather improved and the sun begun to shine. We, then, walked to Llangollen Wharf, where we got to see a canal boat being drawn by a horse. We were going to have our lunch on the side bench there, but, at the end, we moved away because there were ducks approaching us. I think they were trying to get some food from us!

During lunch, we were trying to decide what to do next. In the end, we agreed on going 'up' to Dinas Bran Castle. The journey took around an hour through a steep zig zag route. I was definitely having a hard time hiking up there! I had to keep stopping to catch my breath. While the view was definitely breathtaking, it sure took a LOT of breaths to get up there! Unfortunately, Dinas Bran Castle only managed to stand tall for 20 years because it was burnt and got ruined by the weather; strong winds, etc. Still, it was worth going up and sitting somewhere (where there were no sheep poo!) and just enjoying the scenery around it.
One thing that I forgot to say is that there were sheeps everywhere (and their poo too, obviously!)

After awhile, we went back down to the town, where I bought a very tasty rum & raising homemade ice cream *YUM* and Michel bought a bar of chocolate.
Our next destination was Pontcysyllte Aqueduct, which was around 5-10 minutes by car from Llangollen. Pontcysyllte Aqueduct is a 38m high and 307m long canal bridge and pedestrian path with River Dee underneath. We crossed the Aqueduct and back nervously! It was very high and I made sure I held on the railing bar tightly on one hand and held on Michel's jacket on the other, just in case hehe... Despite the nerve, it was such an amazing experience! I can never imagine how they built such an amazing architecture!

From there, we headed back by, first passing the famous Horseshoe Pass, which is claimed to be the most spectacular views in Wales as it climbs from Llangollen around a wide valley to form the shape of its name. It's like driving in the middle of nowhere; every corner I looked it was green and fresh, the sheeps were, as if, they own the place, they were everywhere! What an awesome experience!

Ps #1. Thanks Michel for finding this place and for all the pictures. I had a great time :)
Ps #2. Click pictures for larger version.

The power of prayers

2011-06-10T23:42:00.000+01:00

There's still nothing new on Lan's visa process. I could hear Lan's frustration today when I talked to him on the phone. He's getting really tired of everyone in the family asking how the visa is. He just wants to be home with his family, his own little family, he and I. That's one sweet saying of his today :)
I feel as if we are both just going through the cycle of up and down, when I'm down, he's up and encouraging me, when he's down, I'm up and encouraging him. I wonder how long this going to last, because, I know, both of us are getting really weary.

However, I'll keep praying, he'll keep praying and I am so very much thankful there are so many people who are praying for us; My parents, Daddy Arifin, Daddy Phillip, Helen & Gary, Alex, Louise, Georgia, Aunt Audrey & Fam, and many more...
Yes, I admit that this is so hard to go through and, yes, I'm kind of skeptical at this point, but, I still believe my Father in Heaven hears my prayers, Lan's prayers and everybody else's prayers. I believe He is sorting this visa out for Lan and I. I believe that each passing minute brings us closer to the time when he comes back to my arms.

And I am thankful that I have hope in my dear Heavenly Father, otherwise, I don't know what I'd do now...

Have a great weekend, everyone, a blessed one :)

Llandudno - 04 June 2011

2011-06-09T17:12:00.000+01:00

This is a long due post since last week, so since I am feeling a bit happy, I thought it's time to post the adventure I had with Michel last Saturday. :)
It was such a beautiful sunny day last Saturday! The perfect Summer day here in the UK, such a rare day, if you know how uncertain the weather here. So, we went on our 4th week day-adventure. We went to Llandudno, a beautiful seaside resort in North Wales. It has a nice bay, pier and summit.

When we got there, we went to ASDA (a supermarket) first for toilet and lunch. We figured, it would be cheaper that way. So, after we got our lunch sorted, we went to find a parking spot, which was quite hard, since there were so many people going there! We're lucky that one lady actually went out and we got her spot. We walked to the bay and had our lunch first, while making sure there were no seagulls coming near to steal our food. :p
Afterwards, we walked along the bay and the pier. The wind was acceptable and the view was so breathtaking! I really loved being there and just looking at the scenery! A truly beautiful city.

After we walked to the end of the pier, stayed there to watch the jellyfish floating around aimlessly, we started to walk on the direction towards the summit of the Great Orme. There were 3 ways to get up to the summit; hike up there (around 2km), cable car, or the tram. I didn't really want to hike up there, since it was so steep and I was feeling exhausted mentally. So, we checked the price of the cable car first, since I've never been on a cable car. It would cost a bit more than £7.00 to get a return ticket on the cable car, which is a bit expensive for us, hence, we decided to check the Great Orme Tramway instead. The tram was way cheaper, £5.80 for a return ticket per person. That was good!
As we got on the tram ride, the view was absolutely stunning! I loved how green it is there, so beautiful and beyond words to describe. I think the 2 most favourite places for me in the UK would be York and Wales! They have beautiful sceneries as well as the English style that I expected it to be when I first arrived here in the UK.

As we went up, the air became chiller. I was having the worst of it, since I was wearing shorts hehehe... The wind was also stronger higher up, so we didn't stay for long up there. We took a half-way walk down, before getting on the tram to finally go down to town. I was just glad we did not hike up there, because, even going down, it was so difficult due to the stiffness. :)
Afterwards, we walked around the neighbourhood and were admiring the beautiful houses. I loved this town. We were there from around 1pm to 6pm, had fun and especially thankful about the beautiful weather. We were all tired and hungry on the way home, I had to keep reminding Michel to drive safely, hehehe.

All in all, I had a great time. Thanks, Michel, for a great day out! :)

Ps. Click on the pics to view them larger.

Is this the sign?

2011-06-09T16:10:00.000+01:00

The sign that it's a turning point now? Or the sign that things are looking up from now on? I'd love to say I hope so, but we never know, right?

I got a text message from TLScontact on Tuesday, in the middle of my counselling session, that they got my passports back from the French consulate and they were sending it back that day and I'm supposed to expect the parcel to come on Wednesday (yesterday). I stayed the whole day, knowing that the courier will come between 9am - 5pm. I was kind of worried the thing that happened a few weeks ago would repeat. It was 5pm and, YEP, they did NOT come! I was furious.
I sent them a complaint e-mail, saying that they are totally unreliable and unprofessional! Seriously... I feel like I never had a good experience using this courier, but I have no choice, because this is the chosen courier used by the French consulate. I got no reply, I tried ringing them, but it was just a waste of time and money since I was kept on the 'queue' while trying to talk to a person! I sent another e-mail, to the customer service this time. No reply. Nice.

But, hey, miracle does happen :) Around 3.10pm, I got a call, the courier is outside waiting for me. GOOD! So, I got my passports back safely plus my French visa for our Paris trip in July! Hallelujah!
That's one thing off my list of prayers. Now, if only Lan's visa would come out TOMORROW, that will be great! :)

Thank you, my dear sweet Jesus!

This is getting harder.

2011-06-06T23:42:00.001+01:00

Lan's still not here yet and I am emotionally a wreck. It gets harder each passing day. The one thing that I desperately want to hear and have been waiting for what seems ages, that the visa is out and he's heading back to me, I don't know what I'll hear that.

I managed last week with shedding no tears, but that probably was wrong, because this week it feels as if my flood gate is broken and I keep crying like crazy until my eyes are super sore. It gets to the point, where I have no words to describe the pain, the hurt, the emotion inside, could tears speak louder than words? Maybe.

I know that this is NOT Lan's fault. That if he could choose, he wants nothing of this happened and he would come back as planned. However, it's so hard not to have a scapegoat. It's so hard not to see this as his fault, that he put me through all this...

I am so sorry, honey, that I blamed you. I know you're suffering, too, but, when you said you know how I feel, I honestly think you don't know, because I can't even begin to describe it to you how much it tortures me to keep waiting like forever.

I just hope it's this week.

Supposedly

2011-06-03T14:41:00.001+01:00

By now you should be here.
This home should not be so empty any more.
Our bed should not be half empty, without you, any more.

You're supposed to be back here by my side by now.

But I woke up to an empty dream.
That I am still alone and I did not go to the airport to pick you up like I planned it to be.

I am fine *not really* and accepting, but reality can be so cold sometime.
It's a nice sunny *perfect* day, too, but it's not so perfect any more. Without you.

And June greets me with...

2011-06-01T11:05:00.001+01:00

A BROKEN LAPTOP!!!! *sigh*
Oh my dear laptop, why oh why? Last night it threw a fit on me!
I think the graphic card is physically broken :( The resolution goes to the lowest and everything on display is wonky and out of place and colors...

I tried fixing it using the settings, etc. It's not fixing it. It seems to not recognised the NVidia graphic card installed :(

Is all that I am going through right now not enough?!

Lan's still not back and I don't know when he's coming back now... On top of that he's sick.

Oh, Jesus... I surrender all.

I choose to praise You.

2011-05-31T21:12:00.001+01:00

The clock is ticking and there's still no sign that the visa is going to come out soon. Tomorrow... the last chance to see whether Lan can get aboard to the flight back here on-time. I am still hoping and wishing for a miracle.

I am better now. I am more accepting and not going crazier than I was. Instead, I am calmer. Unfortunately, it's not so for Lan. Today, when I called him, he sounded ill and discouraged. There was a huge amount of sadness in his voice. I just hope he won't be sick. I told him to hang in there. There must be a purpose for all of this. God knows what He is doing.

In time like this, when things seem so impossible and dire, when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I have two choices; be miserable and blame God or be strong and keep praising God. I chose the later. It's hard, painful and seems to be out of my senses, but I chose to keep trusting Him.

I chose to accept, it may not be this Thursday, but God will bring Lan back to me in His time. The perfect time.

Losing my mind.

2011-05-29T23:52:00.001+01:00

I walked around town like an unconscious living zombie today, after church, with Michel. I cried myself to sleep last night around 2AM. I am trying, really trying to hold it together, but I think things will soon just go down the hill. I came to a realisation that tomorrow aka Monday is a bank holiday! That means that the embassy is NOT going to be open, hence, there won't be any update on Lan's visa on Monday! ACK!

I am losing it. My mind. My sanity. My brain altogether.
I am aching all over. My heart. My body. My bones.

Whatever. I might just go on a roller-coaster ride and scream on the top of my lung or something. Ugh, I'm just jabbering, aren't I? No matter what, Sherly, remember this:

Keep calm and cling to God.
If you cannot.
Be crazy and, still, cling to God.

- nie, 29th May 2011 @ 11.52PM

other things + Darwen Tower Walks

2011-05-28T22:44:00.002+01:00

It's 10.23 PM here and I am so tired physically and mentally. I can't wait for the month of May to be over already... I don't know... It's just been such an awfully long month with all the things that could go wrong went wrong as well as being without Lan here. I am exhausted and who knows how long exactly I can handle all these any more. I feel like I'm pushing myself out of my limit already... Let's hope things are better next month.

I talked to Lan today... His visa is still not out yet. A few more days to his planned return and I am SUPPOSED to be happy and excited! Yet, right now, it's just worry that I am trying to cover up. I am putting on a strong and brave act, telling Lan that it will all be OK, that his visa WILL be out on Monday. I am putting my belief in the faith that 'in the most dire time, God is the closest to us', that 'when we both are completely giving up and have no more options to do anything, He acts and shows His grace and that this is not an empty and foolish faith.' And I admit, IT'S HARD! Looking at the impossible situation and still push through with such belief, it kills and exhausts me!
But, all in all, it will be less of me and more of HIM, right? I'll say 'Amen' to that.

God can make something out of nothing.
So be nobody, so God can make you somebody.
- by unknown.

Well, after the talk, Michel and I started our weekend adventure for the third time, this month. We went to Darwen in Lancashire to experience Darwen Tower Walks. He did say it would be shorter than last week's 6km, however, it was such a steep walk all the way to the tower and back. My legs and feet were suffering, and the wind... Oh, there were some crazy wind up there! As Michel said, 'we were harassed by the wind'! Indeed. The view was stunning though from above the hills. Beautiful and breathtaking! It'd be better if it was not so cloudy, windy and grey. Even better if the sun was shining, but, it was still beautiful!
On the way down, we were barked at by 2 guard dogs, I basically just took cover right behind Michel, in case they do bite. I bet Michel thought I'm just a scaredy cat :p

One thing that I learnt from this kind of walks is that 'I am NOT that fit!' Hahaha... Michel made these walks look so easy, but I was trying to catch my breaths all the time and making sure I don't trip or fall or accidentally twist my feet. Overall, it was fun. I had a great time with him.

Ps. Thanks Michel for driving around with me and for all the adventures. Thanks for telling me to forget about my worry for awhile. It was nice to just breathe through the moment. Thanks for the friendship! :)

Knocking on the Heaven's door again...

2011-05-24T18:47:00.001+01:00

As I count down the days Lan coming back to Liverpool, into my arms, I once more am knocking on the Heaven's door for urgency... I am praying praying and praying that The Lord's hands are upon Lan's UK Visa application, which is NOT out yet. A week to go and there is still NO sign whatsoever that they will grant the visa.
Both Lan and I are anxious and worried, but we try our hardest to build each other's faith and keep on praying that it will come on HIS time. It's some kind of a crazy adventure, I must say... to keep us on the alert all the time, to move us both forward in our faith in Jesus.

We are MORE than conquerors in Jesus Christ.
So here I am... knocking on the Heaven's door again and again for Lan's visa and for my French visa. I know God is more than able. He will bring my husband back into my arms on-time.

Wirral Country Park

2011-05-22T11:42:00.001+01:00

Yesterday, Michel and I went to Wirral Country Park for a long walk. When I said a long walk, it was really a long walk... we walked at least 6km yesterday for more than 1 hour or so. The view was overlooking Wales on the other side of the water, it was beautiful. However, it was challenging for me! We had to do some rock climbing and walking on a piece of wood to avoid the mud. For him it was such an easy task, for me?! Gosh, did I not have a hard time!
And about half way, (the time we were walking on the direction to go back to the car park) I had the urge for toilet. Oh dear... and there was no public toilet for the next 3 km! Michel did tempted me to just pee on the bush, ha! No way! If it was Lan, I might've said yes, but no, it wasn't Lan hahaha...

So, we walked, FAST! That was almost an hour wait, only to find out that the visitor centre is CLOSED (as well as the toilet)!! Crap! Luckily, Michel has and drives a car. He took me to ASDA (a big supermarket), which was 5km away from the park we were... That was one of the LONGEST one-and-a-half-hour of my life!

Then, we headed back to Liverpool and picked up another friend, Daniel, and went to Michel's place to cook some Polish food for dinner together. It was a fried Polish pasta, which tastes like Chinese dumplings, and a dish of bacon, red onions, sauerkratt and mushroom! Very delicious!
We had a great time together, talking and joking around. It was lovely. Then, Michel drove us home. Thanks, Michel :)

And here I am, Sunday noon, at home. Too tired and decided not to go to church. Even grocery shopping is going to wait for tomorrow!

I hope it's 2nd time lucky!

2011-05-20T20:46:00.001+01:00

After being so relieved getting back my passports, the next time I have to send it back again... *sigh* I am nervous about the same incident happening again, but I just have to have faith that God will take care of it.

I've fixed the serious error. They said my photo is too old, really?! How could you tell? And that was one of the latest passport photos I've done too. It really is expensive to take passport photos here. I had to do it on a photo booth, which is incredibly loud and ripping money out of you literally! It costs me GBP5.00 for 5 passport photos, really? GBP1.00 each photo, really? They probably get about 300% profit out of it! *sigh*
I redid the application form so that the date would be up to date and put them all in the order they asked me to (after they messed it up previously!). And I sent it on the Royal Mail Special Delivery yesterday, which guarantees it arrived today before 1PM. It only costed me GBP5.90! So much better service than the GBP8.00 Express Mail by courier!

Oh well... I just hope this time it goes smoothly and without a hitch. God bless the application.

Well, I hope you all have a great and blessed weekend :) Take care!

Hey, miracles do happen!!!

2011-05-17T16:20:00.000+01:00

I, for one, believe in miracles that God makes every.single.day! So, here is the story about my passports.

I sent it to TLSContact, the agent that deals with French Schengen visa application on 26th April 2011. I heard nothing from them until last Monday, 09th May 2011, telling me there is a serious error on my application and that they are sending my documents back via the courier that they trust.

I waited.waited.waited. They said it's an express mail service, but I got nothing until TODAY! Yesterday, I was losing my mind... it's been a WEEK, express could NOT be longer than a week, right?! So I rang TLSContact, because I can't access my application account over the Internet any more, it's been disabled (hence, I can't look for my tracking number). TLSContact told me to ring DX courier by myself and check it with them. *Grrrr...*
I rang the courier, but could not get to talk an operator, because I need a tracking number to do that :( At the end, I filled in a contact form and wished that they'll contact me ASAP. I was already worried with the possibility that I lost my papers... Well, I got nothing last night, except that I was sickly worried and going mentally crazy.

Today, I woke up 8.30, turned on my laptop, checked my email, still nothing. With my little hope and expectation, I went to check the mail, nothing either. By then, I was losing it... I kept watching for the ONE email that I want to come... 10.57 a.m. it arrived. My heart dropped, fearing for the worst. HOWEVER, God is truly good! My passports are NOT lost. They somehow did NOT deliver them to me last week, but they promise they are delivering it TOMORROW between 9.00 and 17.00. That's a really huge time frame, but I don't care any more. To know that my passports are all safe and sound, that all that matters!!!

So tomorrow, I hope it arrives as they say so that I can fix my mistakes and send another application back to TLSContact (and will be praying HARD that something like this does not happen again!).

Thank you, Jesus, for miracles!

I am going insane.

2011-05-17T00:49:00.002+01:00

I pray "Lord, wherever they (the courier) lost my passport(s) and documents, may they find them in your time. And give me the strength and the sanity while that's going on... because really, I am going insane bit by bit. Thank you, Jesus."

Friendships

2011-05-14T21:29:00.000+01:00

One thing that I am able to do while being alone without Lan here is developing friendship. I get more time to meet people, friends, and spend time with them, get to know them better. With us being a 'student' couple, we rarely have the energy and the time for socialising. Now that I am under suspension, I have more time in my hands that *sometimes* I don't know what to do with it... Mostly, I'd stay at home with Lan or go out with him.

However, while he's not here, I get to see friends. Have lunch with some girlfriends from church during weekday without being worried 'what about Lan?'. I get to talk to them and ask advice, since they are mostly already married and have kids. :)
Another, I got to go on a day out with a colleague, which is nice. We get to talk casually, about a girl that he likes, our families, some jokes. It's very nice of him to offer a day out like that and he drives really nicely!

Well, I may be lonely and missing Lan badly, but I am also thankful for friendships; for people who care for me. It makes these lonely days a bit more bearable! Thank you, Jesus, for friendships.

Why do viral infections exist?

2011-05-14T00:09:00.000+01:00

Just got back from the doctor to check on my sore throat as well as the fatigue that I have been feeling lately. After an hour wait, it turned out to be a viral infection... Nothing she could do about it, just rest, lots of water and paracetamol. On top of that, it can last up to a week.

Grrr... I hate that.

We also checked on the nauseas and the fatigue. Nope. Pregnancy test turned out to be negative. She said it's possible those are the symptoms for the viral infection, but when the infection is gone and the symptoms are still there, I'm supposed to go back. *sigh...* Do I really have to be sick while Lan's away?

I just hope it goes away soon.

I am getting used to being alone a bit better now. Phone calls are more enjoyable and no-tears involved. We don't do Skype because apparently the Internet at his parents' home is not that good. Certainly not as good as here in UK, Lan said. Oh dear... I just hope when we rent/get our own place, we'll get a better Internet.
We've had several serious discussions on the phone regarding our move back to China. I just pray that things would fall in to places according to God's will.

It'll Never Be The Same.

2011-05-08T21:36:00.000+01:00

And... 24 days to go.
You know when Lan left, I thought it'll be just the same like the time when I used to be alone, before we got married. Now after almost 2 weeks, I find that it's not the same and will never be the same. Going out with the single friends from church, I felt old. Out of place. It's just different. I can't really say what, but I was feeling misplaced most of the time. I still go, anyway, just to kill time, just so that I won't be at home alone feeling mellow...

I am determined to fill these lonely times by developing new friendships with a few people from church. It's just nice to speak with a few ladies, who are married and can be like a big sister or, even, a mother to me... It's nice, especially when most of the time I used to be working surrounded by guys in the University. :)

Overall, I am OK. Well, in a way. Lately I feel more tired than usual and don't have any appetite, kind of sick of food smell really. Should I go to a doctor? Maybe. I am just too lazy hehe... If it gets really bad, I might just drop by in the campus clinic. :)

I am glad that, at least, each day we talked on the phone with each other. If not, I'd go mentally ill. Even with phone call everyday, I still cry sometimes when we have to say 'good bye' to each other. Ugh... I miss him lots.

More than I can say

2011-05-03T17:09:00.000+01:00

I terribly miss my man. It's barely a week since Lan is gone. I thought I was coping well, but each time we talk on the phone every day, it always ends with some tears on my eyes... I miss him too much to be said.

Home is not the same without him. It feels emptier here, too spacey and too quiet... Home is not the place, it's the people you share it with. For my case, it's you my dear hubbie.

Yesterday and today, I've been having some tummy problem. Diarrhoea and uncomfortable feeling all day round, ugh... Today it's worse and accompanied by some vomiting feeling. I just hope it passed quickly. I just make sure that I drink a lot of water.

I have mostly just been scrapping and playing games all day hehehe... Just to pass the time. Even worse after I found out there is a new version of Angry Birds! Rio version! I love Angry Birds, so worth the price I paid and so fun! :p

Anyway, 29 days 'til you're back, hubbie!

I am coping.

2011-04-30T15:17:00.000+01:00

It's only been days, 4 days to be exact, since Lan's gone. I am coping, not too sad, but way so quiet. I am trying to keep myself eating orderly, which is hard, because sometimes I become too lazy to cook when I don't feel the hunger. *sigh*

We keep our communication by a phone call a day. We've got a great offer, GBP10.21 a month for 3000 minutes to call to China. That should be enough for our chatting schedule.

It's been very quiet here in the long weekend. Not much going on. Yesterday, I watched Will & Kate's wedding through live streaming on the BBC website. It was beautiful and elegant. I like that Kate was so simple and yet so elegant. I do question why they are so relaxed like that? I was so nervous on my wedding day... lol.

My French Schengen application has arrived safely to the embassy. Now it's the wait. I really hope it goes through smoothly and successfully (since there is no reasons for it not to!).

Tomorrow I'll be going to church without Lan. *sigh* That's going to be a challenge. Somehow, when I am alone, I'd rather be crawling comfortably at home than going out. Still, I need to take effort, since these days have been so lovely and sunny. What a shame to not enjoy it, right?

Well, I hope all of you have a beautiful and blessed weekend! I promise I'll blog often to myself while Lan's gone. Just so I let what's in my head and heart out. :)

And he's gone.

2011-04-27T18:35:00.000+01:00

My heart is half a wreck today. He's up in the air right now heading to Dubai, before flying to Beijing. I cried, he cried. I saw him off, disappeared into the train that took him to Manchester Airport. And I waited, I saw the train slowly heading away from me. And there he went...

I tired myself today. Walked around town, bought a few essential stuffs and ended up watching Rio 3D. It is a great movie! I love it! It'd be more lovely if I watched it with you, honey... *sigh* I cried at the happy ending. My heart aches like I can't describe it.

And now, the wait... until the 1st of June.

34 hours + 6 minutes

2011-04-26T00:28:00.000+01:00

That's how long I've got until Lan goes on the train that takes him To Manchester Airport. He doesn't want me to go with him to the Airport, he said it's too hard to bear, too hard not to cry... That's my guy, that's my husband, tough and strong but has such a tender heart. I've heard him cry when I left for home alone last year and the year before. That's how much he loves me.

And that same guy will soon rip apart my heart and take the half with him all the way to Beijing. I think I'll go insane. I think I'll miss him beyond words. My sweet guy, what am I gonna do?

He's been making sure that things are prepared for me. He loaded the fridge, enough for me to survive 2 weeks at least. He made sure the electricity meter is loaded so that I won't be without power. He'll clean the carpet tomorrow for me. My sweet guy.

I've been spending most of my time with him, instead of the computer, but I can't get enough. This is going to be tough for me, but I have to survive this.

He says our love is going to be stronger than ever before. Yeah. I definitely have to survive this. Maybe, I should just post on the blog more often when he's not here...

A step forward.

2011-04-21T22:13:00.000+01:00

Today, I've sent my application for the French Schengen visa via post. It should arrive there either Saturday or Tuesday next week *oh my dear Easter long weekend...* Lan and I feel much more relieved and making our Paris plan feel even more real and closer to a reality. I really hope I get this visa. Paris, one of the dream places in this world that I'd love to visit, it's actually in the number ONE position right now. We're coming, Paris, in July. Please let us come.

On another hand, in less than 6 days Lan will be gone.
I can't go, because I still have counselling therapies to go to as well as applying for the French Schengen visa means that I don't have my passport with me. On top of that, Lan goes home for a lot of important things to do; extend his visa, buy some flight tickets, look for an apartment for us to live in September, look out for a job and health check up, etc. I'll be here, resting myself and making peace with myself about withdrawing from my study...

Lately, the weather has been really beautiful. Warm, sunny and comfortable. Sometimes a bit hot and I get sweaty, but really, I love the sun. It's nice to not have to wear bulky and heavy layers of clothes! Too bad I can't wear sunglasses without seeing clearly, otherwise, it'd be perfect; shorts and t-shirt! LOL! My eyes are just too unstable to get a pair of prescribed sunglasses!
Today, we watched Fast Five! Oh my, it's an awesome movie! Love all the actions in it and it seriously *almost* made me fall in love with Vin Diesel! LOL!

Well, I am off to scrap now. I hope you all have a wonderful Easter weekend, wherever you are! Jesus bless you all :)

In a week time...

2011-04-19T23:41:00.000+01:00

Lan is going home to Beijing alone and I will be here by myself until 1st June. He is so happy and excited and here I am dreading the days I will spend alone... I don't how I will cope, I don't know how I will manage. I realised how much independence marriage has stripped away from me, I am so dependent on Lan, he is like the left side of my body, he is the air I breathe.

Sadly, I won't be going to Holland at all due to the long queue for the visa appointments until the middle of May, which is the time I won't to get going. Anyway, I will stay and hopefully will spend more time with a few friends of mine, as well as scrapbooking to my heart's content.

Tomorrow, we are going to the beach in Crosby. It's going to be a good day, I really hope we have a great time there and just have the moment together, nice memories and lots of pictures. For me to smile at when he's not here...

All his stuffs are packed. By me. LOL! I really pray he goes and comes back safely. Anyway, that's all for now. I am tired a lot lately and my body is sore all over.

I hope the rest of the week is awesome for you all :)

I wanna go here and there...

2011-04-08T22:51:00.000+01:00

Lately, I've just realised that all these years my life has been very much restricted. Living as a student is not always a good thing... I have always want to travel around, to see the country I am currently living in, to visit Europe, which is just around the 'neighborhood'. But, I never got to do that. There was always something that stopped from making the step; the money, the time, the VISA, et cetera.

So, we're making a plan ahead... for the few months left here, I hope to get to see Europe for a bit. I am in the process of planning a trip to Netherlands, alone, while Lan is at home in Beijing to do some necessary stuffs. I really hope it does come true. And then the trip to Paris in July, after Lan's graduation.

Heavenly Father, please hear my prayers and let the visa applications go smoothly. Amen.

The longest walk home!

2011-03-30T21:11:00.000+01:00

Last week, I had a little light-bulb moment of what to do with my time. So I decided that it has been a long overdue for me to go back and do some exercise. I hate sports with all my heart and soul. I am the kind of person who would easily trip herself with her own foot (or even over nothing!). Ever since I was little I am far away from being a sporty person. BUT, there is ONE, one sport that I love: swimming! And I thought, 'why don't I start going to the gym and swim once a week? That wouldn't hurt, right?'.

Well, today, I went. I was glad the pool was not crowded, but I did have some blind moments (yes, I can't see without my glasses that well). Anyway, I have to say I was feeling nervous about it, but I went in. I did 5 laps (not continuously) (on a 33m pool) with a lot of struggles. I was quickly tired and running out of breath. Seriously, I think I need to take a swimming 101 lesson again! But I am glad I did it!

After that, I showered and walked home. I never felt like what I felt while I was walking before. I felt that my body was like a jelly and had no energy left in it. I had to take it easy, could not rush. That was the longest walk home for me, though it was only 10 minutes away, it was tough. On top of that... it only took 10 minutes of that walk to start feeling the sores and aches all over my body. Oh dearie old me...

That really shows that I should have exercised (aka swim) regularly not just from now. I am hoping I can do this weekly from now on. I am pretty sure it won't be as bad as today.

Happy mid week, people! Hope you have a blessed week. :)

Fixing me up.

2011-03-29T21:11:00.001+01:00

Prior to the melt-down at the end of February, I am finally officially going to counselling to fix myself up. Today, there were 2 things happening; one, my 6-months suspension is finally approved. Two, I went for my initial counselling appointment today.

Since that horrible week I had in February, I had been talking and crying a lot, but lately, I was fine. I don't cry any more, I do things that I am supposed to do, although, there are times where I am more forgetful than ever as well as times where my mind just wanders around and confuses me.
But today, I got to dig deeper. I got to talk without worrying what my counsellor will say and how she judges me. I found out, I still cried, I am still hurt, scared and confused. I found I have a lot to solve with myself.

If there is one target that I have, it's a target to fix myself. To get me out of this depression and to get me up and running 'normal' again. I don't want to fix it by medication, I don't want to just sweep it under the carpet, I want to let it all out until I have no more of it in me.

I know, God knows His plans for me. With Him, I can do this.

I am looking forward to next week session.

Packing, chilling & praying.

2011-03-25T23:48:00.000Z

Or should I say praying comes first? We are praying and hoping genuinely for a little sweet baby that will come in His right time. We know God knows best.

It has been decided that we are going home for good on 29th July 2011. Thanks to our parents for supporting us and loving us so freely and unconditionally. Yes, I will be moving to Beijing before the end of this year, but before that, we will be going to Bali for a month. I am super blessed to say that Papi has bought our tickets home! *YAY!* We'll be going on Singapore Airlines from Manchester to Denpasar via Singapore.

There is something that I learnt about this, that I want to remember. It was the freedom, knowing that he is my dad and that he loves me, I was not afraid to ask. But, what amazes me is his response... I remember being a child, I always dreaded the times I had to ask something from him, because I always got silence. Like as if he is thinking and never finishes thinking.
He is a changed father, praise The Lord for that! When I asked, he responded right away! I felt like a little child again, literally jumping up and down. I felt loved, because he was expressing his love by responding. And even if he said he couldn't buy us tickets, his instant response will still be a token of love!

OK, back on track now... So, yeah, Lan and I have been packing slowly but surely. Little packages are on the way to Beijing currently. I pray that they all arrive safely and nothing missing at all. We have also been donating the stuffs that are still good and we don't want to bring home. I am so glad there are many charity shops here, that way we won't be just trashing those stuffs.

Lately, since I am on suspension, I feel like a part-time housewife. I still have to do some teaching on Monday and Friday, but other than that, I am just at home - especially after I passed my driving test. I get to cook dinner for Lan without feeling too tired, cleaning our flat during weekday as well as doing laundry. I still get some rough days sometimes, so I am hoping the counselling that starts next week will really help me deal with myself and my feeling. We'll see about that :)

Other than that, I am just really grateful for a warmer week that we've had, sunnier and pleasant. I hope it continues.

Well, have a great and blessed weekend, everyone!

I am a legal driver now! YAY!

2011-03-17T14:48:00.000Z

So, two days ago, I took my THIRD practical driving test. I was so nervous, whether or not I've done it twice before LOL! My examiner was Michelle, the lady that was the examiner on my first test. She is a very very nice lady. :)
This time, I took the plunge to do the test without my instructor, Sean, going with me. He said that it might lessen the pressure on me. So I thought it worth a try.

The first 20 minutes out of the 40 minutes, I was so nervous. My left leg was shaking so bad while doing the 'reverse to the left' manoeuvre! I decided to ask for some time, I took some deep breaths, prayed in my head and heart and got to calm myself down. Thank God, I finally did it properly. At the end of it, I got 6 minor mistakes and NO serious mistake! And I PASSED!! YAY!!!!

I was so so happy, so giddy and so thankful and so relieved!
I am thankful to The Lord for the calmness and wisdom, for Lan, who continuously and without fail, supported me and prayed with me, and for Sean, my instructor, who was an awesome and fun person! Without Sean, I'd never be able to drive properly! LOL!

Now, I am waiting for my driving license to arrive and praying that God will grant us a car, I can't wait to get on the road! Hehehe...

Life's been good, if not, better, lately. :)

Oh my dear throat...

2011-03-04T12:42:00.000Z

After the church conference in Sheffield, I was so tired and needed a lot of rests. Well, I did, but Sunday night I started feeling unwell and had a sore throat. It got really painful, but I thought I'd recover some day.

Well, yesterday, I had to go to Doctor since I need a medical certificate for my study suspension, so I might as well check my throat. It wasn't just a sore throat. I have ulcers in my throat and infections... Mmmm... Not good.

So I am on Penicillin for a week now, with fever running up and down every now and then. Argh... It hurts and drains my energy. I just feel tired constantly :(

I hope it gets better soon. I want to enjoy eating my food...

Saving my sanity.

2011-03-02T18:07:00.000Z

I have been very quiet lately... I stepped out of the world for a bit and looked inside ME. Three weeks ago, I broke down in front of my supervisors, confessing that I can't do this PhD any more. I was so stressed out that I lost myself somewhat in between and got ill times and times again. That time, I came out of the denial I had been living in the past 12 months that I was struggling beyond my control. I lost my motivation and did not feel like I own the research that I was doing.

I procrastinated and had a hard time getting any of my studies done.

So, this two weeks, I took some time out to just really think whether this PhD is worth my sanity, myself, my happiness... I know it's only 10 months left, but because of the procrastination, I have SO much to do and so little time. *not good*
Lots of things went through my mind; my parents, Lan's parents, the closest ones, their reactions. Then, above all, my own reaction. If I continue, will I cope? If I withdraw, will I ever regret it? Is it the right decision?

And I ran, to GOD.

I spent time with Him, I came to Him with an expectant heart that He will hold my hands, He will guide me. He never fails me.
He gave me peace. He hugged me close and whispered in my ears that I am not a failure like I thought I will be. He said, I am His Beloved. That was in 'She is Fabulous' Conference that I went 25-26 Feb in Sheffield with my Church. It was so awesome.
I was unloaded, I cried so much to Him, but it was giving me freedom and made me feel loved by Him.

I am saving my sanity.

I want to withdraw. I come to face the fact that right now my focus in Lan and I, our marriage, our family and hopefully soon, our offspring. But, I am giving myself a little more time to think it through... a 6-months suspension. To gradually see that I am not making the wrong/right choice.

To many, this may seem to be such a huge loss. "Only a little bit more, then you'll get it"
But, if I really go by that saying, I may get my Dr. title AND lose myself forever because of it... No, I don't really want to be 'demented' Dr. Sherly nor I want to be 'forever depressed' Dr. Sherly. I'd rather be just Sherly, who is happy and stay true, for my sake, Lan's sake and our kids in the future.

Thank You, Lord, for loving me.

Let me introduce you to Dr. Lan Zhang!!

2011-02-12T00:18:00.000Z

After a nerve-racking day, I am super proud to announce that Lan is *unofficially* a Doctor now! He did his viva for 1 hour and 30 minutes (quite a short one, since the average length of time is 2 hours minimum!) and successfully answered all the questions and defended his thesis!

I was so nervous for him and my pride for him is beyond words! Praise Jesus for all the strength, wisdom and guidance! May His name be glorified! Thank you Jesus!

Could Spring really come early this year?

2011-02-08T17:30:00.000Z

Seems like the days are much longer lately, I still can see some daylights around 4-5 pm. That's a good sign! Maybe Spring really decided to come early, because I've seen some beautiful sunshiny day today :)

I can't wait for Winter to be over. Yep, I have enough Winter for now... give me warmth and no-bulky-jacket any time, I'll gladly take it!

Lan's viva is 3 days away... He's nervous, very... Chocolate and snacks are on their way to soothe him hehehe... I am pretty sure he'll do a great job on it! :)
I am on the mend... still exhausted and out of focus at times, but I am making effort to go to office this week, doing my study. Hopefully soon I can feel better enough to resume my driving lesson. I want to get it over and done with!

These two days there is an exciting topic in Lan's and my conversations! Vacations! We're hoping to go to Paris, Disneyland and Wengen (Switzerland) after Lan's graduation (and hopefully my thesis submission!). I hope this time it works out right... It'd be nice to have a vacation to Europe before we move to Beijing, where he'll be working and won't be as flexible as he is right now to have a holiday.

Oh well, who's not excited about vacations, anyway, right?

Windy Liverpool

2011-02-04T16:36:00.000Z

It's been so windy these last couple of days, it makes me doubly tired than I'm already feeling! I just hope the winds would soon move somewhere else! LOL!

Blood test results show everything in my blood was normal. So, we still don't know what is wrong with me. We're going to the same doctor next Wednesday, hoping we'll get some answers soon. Praise The Lord is not thyroid problem or anything scary and I am sure my mum was quite relieved to hear the word 'normal'. She was so concerned...

I am still crazily exhausted with the 9+ hours of sleep each day, but I am glad my appetite is improving. Occasionally, I do get some stomach pains or headache or mood swings, but I am trying to get back on track with study and teaching, since the new semester has started.

Lan is having is viva next Friday, 11 February 2011. I am praying and trusting him in The Lord's hands. I know and I believe Lan can do it. He's smart and able! I am excited that he is going to be a Dr. Z soon! ;)

Well, that is it for now, friends. Have a great weekend, God bless you all!

Dreams...

2011-01-29T12:20:00.000Z

It's been almost the whole week, I think, that I always dream about my parents during the night. Either I'm somewhere I've never been or, like last night, I dream I was at home, preparing to fly to UK with my parents.

This is my second time dreaming my parents are coming to UK. I really hope one day it will come true soon.

On the other hand, I am feeling a bit better. I do have a stiff neck and shoulders for 3 days already, appetite is picking up but my taste is still bitter. I just hope the test comes back negative.

Have a blessed weekend, friends!

What's going on?

2011-01-26T15:10:00.000Z

My body is not well at the moment. No matter how much I sleep, I always wake up feeling tired and anxious. And when I am hungry and start to eat, I suddenly don't want to eat anything. It's bugging me...

This morning, my nose started bleeding... It's 15.00 and I've had 3 nosebleeds in a day. Never had that before, never had nosebleeds often in my life either.
So, after lunch, Lan took me to see a GP (General Practitioner) aka Doctor. She said I might have a bacteria infection (but it's strange because I have no fever) or, it's also possible that something is wrong with my thyroid level. So, she ordered a blood test for me, 4 different tubes. And I was such a baby, I loathe to get my blood taken!

Oh, and when she took my blood pressure, it was 80/130, which is high for me, since I tend to have a lower blood pressure than that.

Well, it's going to be a week before I know the results of my blood tests. In the mean time, the GP told me to take things easy and rest.
Ugh... this is really not what I need right now, especially when my supervisors and I decided to write a paper to be submitted on 7 Feb! :(

P.s. I failed my second driving test on Monday. That was the worst I've ever driven. Now that I think of it, I was nervous, anxious and can't focus at all :( It could be due to my 'illness' (I put a quote mark, because I don't know whether I'm really ill or not).

So yeah... let's see...

Oops!

2011-01-19T20:30:00.000Z

Had an hour driving lesson today, instead of the usual 2 hours. I did a very bad mistake... not stopping at the pedestrian crossing when light was red *oops!* Luckily it wasn't a test.
Let's say... I was hesitating too much.

On another topic, I start knitting again! *Yay!!* I am know knitting a baby hat, a preparation for the future hehehe... I love knitting, but I hate the prices of the yarns! Yes, there are some cheap and reasonably-priced yarns, but I can only use the yarns that are not made of any microfibres. It has to be cotton or wool. I guess these days, natural stuffs are more expensive that those man-made stuffs... *sigh*

I heart sushi!

2011-01-18T00:47:00.000Z

I am sure I'm not the only one, but I have to say, I love love love sushi, especially if they are fresh... *mmm...* That makes me miss Sushi Tei. Did you know how excited I was when Sushi Tei opened up in Bali? Very! LOL! Too bad I can't pay a visit very often, since I'm here. What's more I love about it is that my parents would pay for it *LOL* If we go eat sushi here in Liverpool, we either have to have a pretty good voucher to use (at least 40% off) or it's an event worth to celebrate. *sigh*

I really hope this student life does not last long...

P.s. And I hope the broken heater is fixed soon! It's really horrible to be sitting in a freezing cold toilet! *Grrr!*

Why does the heater break...

2011-01-14T18:18:00.000Z

When it's WINTER?
Every year, the University always struggles with the heating system, but *note this* ONLY during the Winter? It's freezing cold right now in the building I am in and yeah, it's so not comfortable trying to work while you are cold!!! :(
It's just horrible. There is always a leaking pipe somewhere somewhat...

I hope they fix it soon enough, because I just hate the cold freezing office :(

On the other post, today, I was all thinking about those flood victims in Queensland, Australia. I saw the photos, the videos, 9 metres of water! WOW! That is devastating and making me sad :(
I hope the worst is over and the recovery is going well and those missing people are found safe and alive.

When I read all about natural disasters that's been going on, the abnormal weathers and things that go on in the world, I am really thinking that the end of the world is really near. All that's been prophesied and written in the Bible is being fulfilled one after another.

The Lord is coming, fast!

Never again!

2011-01-12T13:23:00.000Z

I have a thing with thriller, horror, scary, spooky movies! I just can NOT watch them! Even if I *unfortunately* end up watching them, I'd be having troubles to sleep. I am such a visual person that the scenes from the movies would play over and over again in my head, freaking me out :(

Yesterday, we went to the cinema to lift our mood up and Lan chose 'The season of witch', which he thinks was not so scary because there IS Nicholas Cage in it. What the heck?! It turned out I was sitting there and crushing his hand for the whole length of the movie. Call me a coward, but it is just not my cup of tea. I said to him, "you picked the WRONG movie!"
And it didn't end there. I was wide awake last night having the movie's scenes playing over and over in my head while I listened to a background noise of snore.
My eyes are so puffy now because of the lack of sleep. *GAH*

Never ever I'll go into those kinds of movies! I've had enough.

And... try again!

2011-01-11T15:49:00.000Z

I failed my test today, just because of this ONE stupid and serious mistake. I was so close to passing that I am super annoyed with myself. Even my instructor who went along with me, he was in denial that I failed.

But yeah... I'm trying again in 2 weeks time. And I know this time I'll make it right! I can drive as good as any other drivers out there. If today proved anything, it proved that I CAN drive; I am a driver not a learner any more.

Thanks God that I have to go through these to get myself aware of things that are dangerous for me. Thanks God for supportive husband and awesome instructor, Sean!

Thanks God for loving me.

You can do this!

2011-01-10T15:41:00.000Z

I am trying to not think about my driving test tomorrow right now, because I know if I get nervous, I'll just ruin everything. What I need to tell myself over and over is that 'I can do this!' I can drive safely, I know what to do, I am not a learner any more, I am a DRIVER!

I will keep telling myself to do my best and let God do the rest. I know I can! With God, I can :) I will pass tomorrow, God's willing.

I wish I know...

2011-01-08T23:32:00.000Z

The GENDER of our first child in advance, even before I conceive! Because all the sales in town are driving me crazy! All those cute baby clothes make me want to get them all... I guess, since technology is so advanced and you can know your child's gender early, it makes unisex baby clothes quite hard to find!

Yeah, I have started to collect baby clothes now. And yes, we are trying to conceive. We have been praying for it and we are BOTH ready. Hopefully this year sometime will bring a great news to both of us and those impatiently-waiting grandparents! ;)

In God's time, you will come, little one. Mama is waiting eagerly for you, and so Papa.

Hey, Mr & Mrs Snow!

2011-01-07T21:46:00.000Z

Every time you send your little flurry kiddos down around Liverpool, I'd jump up and down happily like a little girl getting her favourite candy. That ONLY happens when I am actually INSIDE the flat and looking OUTSIDE our huge window!
Once I am actually outside, I'd be wishing in my heart, you'd send a little less of your kiddos down, because, hey, it's freezing cold and icy! How about you save those flurry kiddos until AFTER 11 January 2011? Because really, I can't afford having my driving test to be postponed again just because of snow! I hope you hear my plea on this, I'd appreciate it!

xoxo

A learner who wants to be a proper driver!

Why so sleepy?

2011-01-05T13:47:00.000Z

My driving went a little better, today. I've managed to control the steering well, there were just some little things that made it crappy... The major thing is that I was looking for a road on the LEFT, when I am supposed to be going to the RIGHT... Gah... Why oh why I always get my LEFT and RIGHT messed up like that?!

Lately, I've been feeling sleepy and tired easily, although I've had quite a lot of sleep during the holiday. I am not sure why... but I know during the night, while sleeping, my brain is so active that in the morning I just feel so exhausted :( It's as if my body needs a whole lot sleep than usual... and here I am in the office trying to fight this sleepiness :(

Oh well... I know I've got a pile of assignments to mark, so I've got no choice!
Oh, and on top of the sleepiness, lately I would be hungry but can't eat much... I suddenly want those junky food like KFC, McD, etc... what a bad wanting, right?

Back on the road!

2011-01-04T17:53:00.000Z

Today, after 2 weeks holiday, I'm back driving again. It was a really shaky performance, as my nerve got on me. I really have to get my driving skill back the way it was before next Tuesday, because I'll be having my test then! In a week time...

My biggest problem was confidence... I was lacking in confidence and I didn't believe in myself while driving :( So this whole week, I'll be telling myself over and over again... "Hey, you can do it!"

Happy birthday, Mam!!!

2011-01-03T14:03:00.001Z

Happiest birthday to you, Mam! Happier than ever before, I hope, day by day! Happy 46th years YOUNG!
You are my MUM, my SISTER and my FRIEND!
I love you to bits, though I know it's nothing compared to your love to me!
I am thankful to The Lord for you, I am lucky to have you!
You go through lots for me and never fail to shower me with your love.

You bring smiles to my face when I cry and am sad.

Love you, Mam!
Thank you for knocking the Heaven's door with each and every prayers you've said for your children. I'm who I am because of you, too. :)

xoxo

Hello, 2011!

2011-01-01T23:29:00.000Z

Hey, 2011!
It's only been 23 hours and 16 minutes, but I am positive that the new year will bring new goodness, new blessings and new success. 2010 was a year that went by so fast, that it was a blur when I tried to remember anything. Out of all the good things that happened, one stood out: Lan submitted his thesis. :)
Thank you, Jesus, for the everlasting guidance, blessings and teachings in our daily life and marriage in 2010. It could not be better than what You have given to us.

Moreover, thank you for the new year ahead. We surrender all to You. Our lives, our worry, our dreams and wishes, Lord, You know. May Your will be done in our lives and marriage.

For the holiday season, we did not really do much... We stayed at home, and I mostly caught up LOTS of sleep. The gloomy days helped to make it easier to sleep than to do anything else.
Christmas dinner was a saved-disaster... I planned to do roast chicken, but for some reason, the chicken went bad, so I had to switch to bacon instead. In the end, Lan still enjoyed it. :)
Boxing day, I spent with Yuni, who happened to spend her holiday with her parents-in-law here in Liverpool. We did some shopping together in Liverpool One. The next day, Lan and I went to Cheshire Oak to the factory outlets. We did some crazy shopping too, hehehe...
New Year's Eve was spent at home, second try for the roast chicken (after getting a new chicken, of course!). It was delish! Loved it when I get to cook successfully like that, it pays off to see how much Lan enjoys my cooking. Then, the new year's countdown was spent on looking at the fireworks outside our window. We even saw people trying to 'fly' paper lantern (and apparently they were not the only one!). The dark sky was pretty with the paper lanterns and the fireworks! Oh, I smiled and said my prayers, hoping and believing the new year brings better days. Lots of new adventures are waiting ahead of our family, that I know! And The Lord will be with us, always, that I believe!

Well... I hope you all had an awesome holidays! I guess we soon have to go back to our activities. I have to start my driving lesson again on Tuesday... so yeah...

Happy New Year 2011 to all of us!
The Lord bless the new year ahead. :)

Merry Christmas 2010!

2010-12-23T20:31:00.000Z

Both Lan and I humbly wish you all, our dear friends and family in Christ, a beautiful Christmas 2010.
We pray that The Lord's hands be upon you and his blessings follow you always. May good health and abundant joy be with you all continuously.

Love,
Lan & Sherly

Unusual Winter

2010-11-29T15:14:00.000Z

Winter has come wayyyyyyy early this year to UK. It's way COLDER than I've experienced and it's more SUNNY!! We get to see more sunshine than ever this winter, but it's way colder and frostier than ever!
It feels so icy no matter how much clothes I wear... And it seems that it might snow badly this year. Let's see what will happen. I am just glad that it's not a wet rainy and gloomy winter! I love the sun!

I am aware that I haven't shared anything about my birthday celebration, yeah I've been too lazy hehehe... and been doing a lot of assignments marking as well as debugging.
It was a simple celebration. We went for a delicious dinner and Lan bought me a beautiful cake, which mostly ended up in his stomach LOL! He gave me a Swarovski crown pendant that I had been wanting. Mama Papa bought me the awesome Bamboo Pen Tablet, which I have been using generously for my scrapping hobby. I got a special phone call from my family in Bali and lots of birthday wishes from friends near and far.

It was a beautiful day to remember :)

Onto another topic, Lan will be submitting his thesis THIS Friday! And then, he will be waiting for his viva's date to be confirmed by his external examiner. I know he will be fine, for The Lord is with him! Amen!

Well, that's it for now. God bless you all!

Happy birthday to ME!!!

2010-11-18T13:40:00.000Z

So, I am 26 year old now!!! Hehehe!
I am happy and thankful; firstly to my Lord Jesus for the wonderful life journey with Him. No matter high or low, I know that He is always faithful and be with me!
Secondly, for my beloved hubbie and family (our parents and siblings). They teach me many things and the ones that never fail to support me.
Thirdly, for all my awesome friends, near or far! Thank you so so much for the overflowing birthday wishes from all of you! I feel super happy today! :)

From 25 to 26, I learn a lot about patience. I know that I'm such an impatient person, the last one year has been a huge lesson for me (and for Lan too). The Lord taught me to be calm and patient in everything. Be forgiving too.
I am looking forward to the next one year adventure with The Lord to my 27th. Because I take my life, one step at a time ;)

God bless you all!

Facing failure...

2010-11-13T21:22:00.000Z

is never easy. I failed my mock driving test today :(
Yeah... I feel crap and disappointed with myself. I feel like I disappointed my husband for all the financial support he had given me...
I panicked and totally messed up my driving; almost hit a car, too fast, didn't stop on-time... I could go on and on on my mistakes, but yeah, I went home upset.
It's tough to face a failure, but I am blessed to have a gorgeous and supportive hubbie. He comforted me and soothed my mood. Thank you God for him.

So, it just means I have to practice more... fix my mistakes, learn from them and prepare for the big exam! Lord, help me on that!

I think I did say that I hate debugging...

2010-11-11T17:16:00.000Z

So... the implementation part of my program is done, now I'm in the middle of the bridge and about to cross over to experimenting stage. And this is the most painful part of all... debugging.
When you have hundreds lines of codes and your output gives an exact opposite of the expected answer, you'd go crazy. That's what I am now... crazy! My program is not quite correct. I am super frustrated about that........ Why can't it just be right and give me easy time? LOL!

So, I'm totally not happy about that :( On top of that, I've got a meeting with my supervisor, this is not going to be a good news. *sob* I guess I just have to say what I have to say!

Aside from that... I'm going to have my mock driving test on Saturday. I hope I pass it so that I can just get onto the real exam next month, instead of spending more money for additional driving lessons.

Oh well, at least tomorrow it's Friday. I'm glad.

God bless!

#600 - Frustrating Friday

2010-10-29T17:22:00.000+01:00

Don't you hate it when you find something bad makes your day feel soooo long? Even hate it more because it's a Friday? Yes? Well... that's how I feel right now.

For the last few weeks I have been implementing a program in Java for my PhD and I am almoooost finished. HOWEVER, it's when you ARE almost finished, you find all these annoying bugs and things that are stopping you to actually finish it! *GAH!* I feel so frustrated!

I wish Friday is a weekend too! LOL! That's my daydream, to declare that Friday is a weekend! I'm sure MANY people gonna love that! Hehehe...
Anyway, out of my frustration comes a blessing! I am so blessed to have Lan, who always willingly helps and supports me. He actually helped the situation and provided me with some alternatives to move forward. Praise The Lord for a very smart husband I have. :)

On the other hand, days have been much shorter lately and the winds much chiller. We are putting the clock backwards on Sunday (ends of British Summer Time), that's gonna be fun! Just hope we will remember so that we won't be too early going to church LOL!
I'm looking forward to November, it's my birthday month! Yay! And really... I can't wait to find out what Lan has got for me, simply because he already told me that he got me a gift since SEPTEMBER! How torturing is that?!

Oh well, that's all for now. Have a great weekend, peeps! God bless!

Low blood pressure, Anyone?

2010-10-27T20:59:00.000+01:00

I have heard so many explanations on how high blood pressure can endanger life and on how many people have this problem, but low blood pressure? Not too common right?

Apparently, I am one of those people with low blood pressure. Yesterday, I could not get out of bed because of severe headache. It was so painful, it's like annoying and painful nudges at the back-side of your head. So, I was energy-drained and had to make myself do things slowly, otherwise, I'd start feeling dizzy. Having a mother-in-law as a chemist is very useful for me, because she gave Lan this handy blood pressure measurement device *whatever the real name is! :p*. So, I checked mine up... 90/43 was my lowest reading. Lan said, I should be DEAD with such a low pressure *geez, what a guy!* Anyhow, that's the culprit of my painful headache and dizziness! Even I don't understand why it can get that low! And yes, I had constant headache the whole day and it wasn't pretty!

Does anyone of you have low blood pressure like me? If you do, what do you do to avoid an awful day full of headache like that?

Despicable ME!

2010-10-22T08:47:00.000+01:00

Have you watched this movie? If you haven't, I'd suggest you watch it!
Lan and I went with no clue what the story is about, but we ended up laughing and loving this movie to pieces!
Well, I won't spoil the movie for you, so that you'll enjoy the curiosity of watching it... but just so you know, this movie is not just for kids! The majority of the audience when we watched it was a parent with kids... and at the start, we felt like we're kids as well, but, after the movie was finished, we found out we, adults, got something to learn from this movie. Not just lesson, we got to laugh pretty hard and fun! I laughed until I cried hehehe...

We chose to watch the 2D because it was cheaper and more enjoyable because we both feel uncomfortable for having to wear 2 pairs of glasses; our own glasses and the 3D glasses. Even so, I love the quality of the animation of this movie! So clear and cute!

So, I hope, if you decide to watch it, you will enjoy it as much as we do. ;)

Poster taken from here.

Oh I forgot!

2010-10-20T14:24:00.000+01:00

Remember that somewhere late in June I wrote that we were planning to get a new pair of wedding bands? Well, I completely forgot to say that those bands/rings were finally finished in mid-September! Yeah, it took them 2 MONTHS!

Anyway, we love how they look, much simpler than our original wedding bands. Instead of white, we chose the original golden colour, with one little princess-cut diamond each, whereas our original ones have the round diamond on each. Mine is slightly thinner band than Lan's and obviously the diamond is also smaller, but I love it. Here is how they look... *since I'm in the office, I just share the scrapbook pages I made with the photos*

For credit, please look HERE.

And with a bigger photo:

For credits, please look HERE.

Now that the ring fits Lan's finger perfectly, he wears it everyday as he promised me. =) Although, when the weather is hot, his fingers/hands will swell and he has to wear it on his pinky finger, but at least it fits. Does anyone has any problem like that?

Oh well... maybe when I get home, I'll post a photo of our rings on its own. =)

It's only 10 weeks to...

2010-10-18T11:50:00.000+01:00

CHRISTMAS!!!

Can you believe that?! I can't! Wow time is faster than just flying! I feel like 2010's new year day was just yesterday and now we are approaching Christmas already! The shops are selling Christmas trees, decorations and gifts already!

WOW... soon it's going to be 2011. I am excited! Lan and I have lots of plans and we really hope that most of those plans can come to reality. :) I am super excited that Lan is finishing off his PhD on 6th December 2010. So at least he can start looking for jobs and we are not limited for just being students.

I am nearing the end of my driving lessons. Hopefully next month I'd be confident enough to do my practical driving exam! I want to have my proper license and I start to enjoy driving and able to control the car better than before.

Oh well... I better go and do my work now. Take care!

What's in a name?

2010-10-11T20:35:00.000+01:00

I have started to feel the real pain of having a long and unusual surname since I was 15 years old, when I went to Australia to study. And since then, I really have a bitter-sweet relationship with my surname. After more than 10 years hearing people pronouncing my surname weirdly, I kind of get used to it.

When I officially became Mrs. Zhang, we decided not to change my maiden name. Simply because there are just too much paperworks to go through and we did not really have the time, the money and the energy to do it. So, the reality is that I am Mrs. Zhang by reality and Ms. Nietiadi on the legal stuffs.

Do you know what's painful about that mouthful maiden name? It's when I need to tell people my surname, whoever they be, I'll have to spell it to them at least twice and *gah* that's one long surname. Or, even, when someone sent me an e-mail and they said they typed it right but it bounces back to them and they said there was something wrong with my e-mail. It turned out to be they didn't type my surname correctly. That's frustrating!
Well, I guess I am not the only one having this problem right? Most of the Indonesians and the European people do have that same problem, but I guess we just have to live with it!

Do you know what was so silly? I squeaked in joy when I heard the master of ceremony of my Bachelor graduation said my surname correctly back in 2005. No one had ever said it right unless they had me saying it to them first, even so, rarely people got it right the first 2 attempts!

So, do you have any funny or strange experiences regarding your name? Do share.

Been blogging 6 years!!

2010-10-05T15:29:00.000+01:00

After more than 6 years and 593 posts later, I am still here and blogging. I have to say I am not really a die-hard blogger. I don't post as regularly as I want to, but I am still loving my blog. It's like a living journal for me, though it's not as specific as what actually happened in my life, but it records the last 6 years pretty neatly...

There are times where I just love to browse my old posts and re-read them, remembering what actually happened those time. Through blogging, I've also met a few of dear friends. =)

Now that I am married, I don't feel as much as the need to share here as I used to, because I have a hubbie, whom I can share to almost instantly about anything and everything. Life's been wonderful than ever these 3 years. Yes, we fought, we cried, we hurt each other's hearts, but there were (and still are) lessons to learn. Above all those, however, we are happy. I truly love Lan, from the bottom of my heart, and truly believe he is the one The Lord has prepared for me. And for that, I'll never ever stop thanking The Lord.

Hello October!

2010-10-01T18:58:00.001+01:00

Why... time flies and it's almost the end of the year soon! October and Autumn has arrived. The leaves turn brown and pretty, but the weather has become cooler. I've started this month with a sickness. I was beaten up by a very bad cold for at least 2 days now. It was so bad that I could hardly breathe and every part of my body aches...

Now, let me share a little bit about our weekend trip to London. It was fun in a way, because we hopped on a bus that took us around to see the London bridge, fun unique buildings, etc... as well as very meaningful, because we got to hear a lot of sermons from Daddy Philip (he is an evangelist). It was 3 days of spiritual feast for us. On top of that, it was even better because Erwin came from Brighton for a night stay. So, we got to see each other at least for a bit.

It is lovely to see your loved ones, always.

We've got only a few photos in London, because we were so busy, so I scrapped them in one page. Mostly they are photos take while we were on this double-decker bus number 168. Take a look:

Maybe one day, Lan and I will go to London purely for a vacation. Can you believe that, though I've been in UK for 8 years, I've never been to the British Museum?! How sad is that?! Hehehe not really...

Simpler New Look

2010-09-23T21:35:00.000+01:00

I finally got the mood to revamp my blog =) So now it has a simpler and cleaner look! And I'm loving it. At the same time, I've changed my designing blog into a similar style, check it out HERE!

We'll be going off to London tomorrow for the weekend. Daddy Philip, a pastor that is like my own daddy, is coming down to London from Kuala Lumpur for the weekend. So, we have planned ages ago to go down and meet him. It'll even be better because my brother, Erwin, is also coming down from Brighton! It'll be nice.

Well, that's it for now. See you soon!

You know that... (2)

2010-09-06T12:34:00.000+01:00

You are not ought to travel alone any more if everyone you meet always asks "Where is your husband?"

Yeah... that's exactly what happened to me when I was home for 3 weeks. Everyone that I know, when they meet me, the first question they asked was "Where is Lan?". It made me feel somewhat unwanted, hahaha..., and somewhat it's like marrying a superstar!
Somehow, Lan has become a celebrity among my acquaintances.

I even said to Lan, I will never ever go around alone any more unless it is absolutely necessary! It just seems that we just have to be together ALWAYS. And I like that :) I won't deny that being at home alone, it was just not complete. It was not as perfect as having him together with me there... It was different.

Ah... my dear hubbie. I truly have a love and hate relationship with you, but, all in all, I love you more than I hate you. And I am forever grateful that The Lord picked you among so many men to be my husband, to make me whole.

So...

2010-09-02T22:12:00.001+01:00

Internet was finally back on yesterday, praise God! That's quite a relieve.

Lan is recovering from a bad cold.
My parents are already asking for us to go back home again. Ha! I wish... Hehehe... Yeah we miss them a lot, too, but if we keep thinking about going home, how are we ever going to finish these PhDs? LOL!

In about 3 weeks time, Bachelor students are back, that means I'm back to be a teacher-assistant. That means a bit more money for saving :)
Weather has been perfect these days, sunny and not too cold. I love that perfect balance.

I've been dreaming lots of strange vivid dreams lately. Getting married again, in the airport, having a herd of doggies and huge house, and many others. Phew, I don't even know what's going on in my brain. What I know is that it makes me feel exhausted every morning.

... And that has made me very random, lately!

Been awhile...

2010-08-30T16:08:00.001+01:00

Since the last post. It does not help either that the Internet at home died. *sigh* It's bank holiday today, and yet I am in the office, just because... of the INTERNET!
I have to say I have a love-and-hate relationship with Internet. I want to NOT be a dependant of Internet, but I guess I can't. Yep, I need more than a daily-dose of checking emails and forums that I am registered in.

So here is hoping that Internet will return soon!

These several weeks after I returned, I have ups and downs... I was badly sick when I just arrived. Got well for a week and then my blood pressure got real low and acting up on me :( But, I've been going to office, doing work, and resuming my driving lessons!

I'll be having my theory 'driving' test on 14th September and will be studying again and again until then so I can pass. I need a LOT of work on my clutch control practically! I stall the car so many times that I get so upset with myself :( Other than that I am pretty good, the instructor said. *GAH!* Maybe I should just do automatic car, why did I put myself in so much troubles?! LOL! On top of that, I HATE UK's ROUNDABOUTS! Why are there sooooooooo many roundabouts here?!

Weather-wise, it's getting cooler here. The sun are still happily hanging out more often these days, but we do get awful rain and gloomy days. The leaves are turning golden and dropping off from the branches. Autumn is on the way. Really hope winter is not too nasty this year. 8 years and I still don't quite manage the winter here.

I miss my family already. I have to say, I really enjoyed the time I had holiday with JUST my parents in Singapore and Kuala Lumpur for a week. I had fun. I really appreciate how they show their trust on me; reading maps, getting lost, hopping on and off MRTs, walking all day long until our feet were numb. Those moments I cherish forever! We even did some culinary adventure, we tried here and there, picked snacks here and there, until we were so full and can't eat any more. LOL! Love those times. Those rare times pay off the time I missed their love when I left home so early.

Then, 2 weeks at home. Yes, just at home. I didn't go to Surabaya (my birth town) or anywhere. Just home. Spent time in the routine of my family. Taking/picking my little brother and sister from school, talking to them, going out and have good food, good laugh. It was a bliss! Exactly the relaxation I needed.
It actually startled me how my little brother and sister grow so fast. Han-han is 13 years old and, yet, he is way taller than me and has feet of size 45 (and many admirers!) Ah... Soon we all are grown up. Time flies, really...

It was nice, but could be more complete... by having my hubbie there with me. It would be just perfect. :)

Almost ending...

2010-08-11T03:11:00.001+01:00

Tomorrow I'll fly back to the 'war' zone... with a new strength and a refreshed heart to finish what I have to do.
Tomorrow I'll fly back to the arms that have been missing me a lot, the warm pair of arms that will never stop to protect and care for me.

I am in between happy and sad. Sometimes, I wish things will be simpler and something like this will never happen in my life... but there is no turning back. I have a husband that is waiting for me.

Anyhow, I had great time at home, all spent with my beloved family.

I am happy.

Time flies...

2010-08-03T03:24:00.002+01:00

And ten days left! *sob*
And half of my suitcase is full of food already! All for Lan and my brother!
I am super happy to be at home, just chilling and spending time with my family. It shows me how much I miss my home and how important my family is to me. Don't take it wrongly, I miss Lan terribly!

But I am sure he is happy for me, too. I am taking the time to unwind from this extreme fatigue.

My love goes to my beloved; husband and family. They are dearest to me.

Finally home!

2010-07-29T04:13:00.001+01:00

Phew! After so many delays and awesome few days in Singapore and Kuala Lumpur with Papi and Mami, I am finally home in Denpasar last night! I had a great time having private holiday with just my parents, something that rarely happens!

I am missing Lan terribly here... but hey, time flies and soon I'd be in his arms again ;) I also miss my scrapbooking communities and my scrapping time too! But I am making sure that I take lots of pictures of my family to be scrapped when I get back to UK. =)
I am well, but tired with all the travelling. Thank God that, on my Colombo-Singapore flight, Emirates upgraded my seat into the business class! What a treat!!!

OH well, I guess I shall enjoy my holiday as much as I can. Eat good food, love my family and pray for my dearest husband. Eat, love, pray! ;)

That's all for now, friends! God bless!

@ Dubai, Emirates Lounge

2010-07-22T22:40:00.001+01:00

Oh my dear hubby, I miss you already!!!!
Love you dear with all my heart.

Try to not miss me too much for three weeks ;)

Absence...

2010-07-18T19:43:00.000+01:00

...makes your heart grow fonder.
- [c 1850 in T. H. Bayly Isle of Beauty (rev. ed.) iii.]

Is that true?! I hope so. :)
I'm going home on Thursday, yeah 22nd July 2010. However, I'm going home alone. Lan would love to come, but he cannot - more like he is not allowed. His final PhD deadline is coming up fast. 6th December 2010 is the LAST day he is allowed to submit his thesis in order to get the PhD title. If he fails to do so, all these 4 years will come to NOTHING.

Well, I wasn't planning for a holiday this summer, but I was persuaded by my parents. They kept asking EVERY single day for us to go home and they know I was so stressed, hence, I decided to go after Lan gave the permission.

I'll be away for 3 weeks and coming back on 13th August 2010. I find it this time to be much harder than the previous time I went home alone, though it's much much shorter. But, tickets are bought, so I'd have to drag myself if I have to.

See you when I see you ;)

3 YEARS!

2010-07-02T10:25:00.000+01:00

Where has time gone?! I can't believe that we've been married for 3 years today! I guess it's true that life goes fast when you are having fun ;)

Just like anybody else's, our marriage has never been easy. Lots of friction and fights every now and then as well as some misunderstanding. Since we both communicate not in our first languages, things get complicated sometimes. But, we went through that and still keep helping each other to improve and be better for each other. Each day, I realise it more and more that I am super blessed to be married to such a wonderful man!

Here is to my handsome and beloved hubbie!

Happy 3rd annivesary, Hun!
I give thanks to The Lord for having you in my life.
I pray that each day I be a better wife to you and for you.
Love you always!

Why don't we resize the rings?

2010-07-01T23:22:00.000+01:00

A few of you asked why, instead of resizing our rings, we are buying a new pair of wedding bands. Well, both of our original wedding bands are engraved on the inside of each other's name and our wedding date. So, it's difficult to resize it without doing any damage to the engraving.
And, on the other hand, who could resist a new pair of wedding bands, right!? Hehehe...

I am super excited for Saturday. We won't be celebrating the anniversary tomorrow (2nd), but on Saturday (3rd). Simply because, since we already bought the tickets to watch Eclipse on Saturday, might as well make it a special occasion. Nice lunch and then go to the cinema. :)

It's a short post today. I am planning to blog again tomorrow :D

One of those long Fridays

2010-06-25T23:21:00.000+01:00

That's today! Lan had a dentist appointment this morning at 09.50am. The point was to check his wisdom teeth, the dentist said last week that he might be able to do some filling on the teeth.
However... when we got in, he said that he won't be able to put some filling *he thinks* because those teeth were pretty bad. Tada! He changed his mind without informing us?! He was just straight away saying that *after last week's appointment* he looked at the teeth x-ray and the odds are slim to do put filling. So the options are removing them or leaving them until they create pains! What the...?!
No, doctor, that does NOT help a thing!

Knowing Lan and dentist do not go together, removing teeth is WORSE! I was going insane in my mind; listening to the dentist, looking at Lan, who was growing nervous ever more. Nope. It's not good. Lan does not work that well under unpleasant pressure.
And, as much as I agree with the dentist about removing those bad teeth, I tried to control myself. I was not going to force him. If those teeth were to be removed, it has to be Lan's decision. I am really glad I didn't push him, because at the end, he chose to remove the worst out of two teeth (better than none, right?!)

He was as nervous as he ever be! He gripped the hand-rest of the chair tightly as if his life hangs onto it and breathed so heavily. BUT, he did it! I am super proud of him for being brave, for taking the decision by himself!
It turned out to be a very wise decision, because the wisdom tooth is basically dead and rotten. So that will save him all the pain that he could possibly get in the future.
As for the other problematic tooth, I said 'take your time'.

Right now his left cheek looks a bit swollen and his gum is a bit sore, but so far he survives. His mood was up and down the whole day, especially after we were just out of the dentist's building, but ice cream does the job to cheer him up ;)

All in all, he really has improved a LOT! *Can you feel that I am a proud wife?! Hehe*

Onto another topic, after the dentist, we went to the jeweller that we've been going for awhile. It was Lan's idea that, since we are going to celebrate our third anniversary, it will be good to get a new pair of wedding bands (rings).
Our original ones are both too big for us. I have to wear mine on the middle finger, Lan just couldn't wear it, because he almost lost it once. Well, those pairs I bought without him there. I bought them in Surabaya while he was still in UK (he flew to Bali 2 weeks before the wedding!). So he didn't get to say anything about the rings.

So now, he picks the models he likes and ones that will actually fit us both perfectly. Today, after so many trips, we finally made the decision to order the ones we agreed on. =)
Well, it won't be done until around August probably, because the bands are custom-made and we also asked for a diamond to be set on each ring. So there will be a few more trips to the jeweller; one for when the rings are done (to check the size and the models), one for when the diamonds are set on the rings and hopefully the last one is when the engraving is done.
I am super excited to see them when they are all done. I really hope they do an excellent job on those rings!

Phew, that was a longggggggg post! Anyhow, have a blessed weekend, everyone!

God bless!

Got my provisional driving licence!

2010-06-24T13:43:00.000+01:00

Yay!!! My provisional driving licence has arrived today! I am so ecstatic! I thought it will take a LONG time for it to arrive, but within a week, it's HERE!
So, Lan has enrolled me on 20-hours lesson in BSM (British School of Motoring) and it will start on 9th July 2010. I am super excited to properly learn to drive :)

It will be good to be able to go around by ourselves when I get my proper licence one day. We won't have to be dependent on the trains/buses any more. That'd be real good ;)

Well that's it for now. Off to my implementation again =D

All the glory and honours to you, my Lord, Jesus Christ.
You are my strength and where my help comes from...
Thank you for the words that remind me;
That when the enemies strike, You are in the midst of the war.
That You are doing everything for our victory.
That You care, that You know how I feel.

That, no matter what, You are for me, not against me.

Lord, I live for you.

Lan

2010-06-22T17:10:00.000+01:00

It seems like a few of you were unsure whether Lan is a Chinese or Indonesian. Hehe... Lan is authentically Chinese. He was born in Ji Lin, but grew up in Beijing. His parents were born and grew up in Beijing. However, they met in Ji Lin. They were both sent to Ji Lin during the revolution, away and separated from both of their parents. In Ji Lin, they were to work in the field. That's how they met. They returned to Beijing after the revolution was over with little chubby Lan.

He spent all his life in Beijing until the day he came to Liverpool to study Master degree. That's how I met him :) We were class-mates.
He cannot speak Indonesian and there is a big chance that he never will. He does not handle learning language well, even English is a big effort for him to learn :) But he has to, because he is living in Liverpool AND because that's the language we use to communicate currently. I have to say it's a lot of effort and, very often, we misunderstand each other and then argue and then fight... but it's a process we have to go through, I suppose.

I am learning Chinese because our future plan includes living in Beijing when we finish our studies. Otherwise, I might never learn. On top of that, I'd love to be able to communicate with his parents independently (not having Lan to translate back and forward). So, I am obliged to learn :) So, I am taking lots of effort to learn one of the most difficult languages in the world.

I hope that clears things up. It's not my first time to meet people who think Lan is Indonesian (especially when we go home to Bali). And it's not his first time to meet people who think I am Chinese EVERYWHERE! Hehehe...

#579

2010-06-21T12:07:00.000+01:00

Been awhile since I last posted. It's like I want to post but I don't know what...
Life has been just the same routine over and over again, except for last week, where I had to go to Manchester for a workshop for 3 days. Some parts of it were very useful. I got to get some tips on job interviews, career planning and some insights on related career prospects. It was tiring though, because we had to leave really early in the morning and return a bit late to avoid the peak-hours traffic jams. There was one day where we arrived there at 9AM, but my program did not start until 12PM. Good thing the venue was in the city centre, so I just went out and about to kill time.

For more than 4 weeks now, every week I accompany Lan to go to dentist. He was getting a denture, since some of his teeth were pulled out because they were badly damaged. Now that the denture is done, the dentist found out that both of his wisdom teeth are having bad cavities. So, this Friday, we have to back to the dentist to check on those two teeth. Finger crossed, it's not so bad...
I have to say that Lan has improved greatly on managing his reaction about going to the dentist. He's not throwing a fit any more. It's just that, every time he has to open his mouth for a check, he will grip the hand-rest of the seat very tightly. I guess he still needs some more practice, eh? Hehe... But I'm truly proud that he is now more willing to get his teeth in great condition! I love him more for the effort he's put in. ;)

Last week, I finally sent my application for a provisional driving licence. Yes, I am going to re-learn my driving skill and aiming to get a UK driving licence. Pffft, the price of the lessons is quite expensive, so I have to be 'smart' (as Lan said) and learn quickly so it doesn't cost a fortune.
In the mean time, Lan is becoming more diligent in teaching me some Chinese words. Starting with some vegetables names and, now, we are moving onto fruit names. I picked up some of them easier than the others, but, he is so patient with me! So, I can say that I enjoy the learning process :)

Well, that's it for now. I was stuck with my programming, now I am going to try it a little bit more :p

God bless!

You know that...

2010-06-07T12:18:00.000+01:00

You missed someone...
When you dreamed about them.

Several nights ago, I dreamed of my belated grandma. We happened to be in the airport, where Lan and I were heading back to UK from Indonesia. She cried, begged us not to go. I cried, too, in my dream and in my sleep for real.

Ah... I miss you, Mak. It's been more than 10 years now, but you are still close in my heart. Thanks for meeting me in my dreams when you miss me.
You'll always be the best grandma for me.

June means...

2010-06-03T12:28:00.000+01:00

Can't believe that we are half-way 2010 already! Gosh...
June started with both Lan and I being sick. Yep, bad cold! I had it first, but in a mild level, then passed to him.
Lan would cough like a strangled rooster and it's just not funny! At night it would bother me so much *I am so noise-sensitive* and I end up not sleeping until dawn. I'd wake up feeling horrible and, then, started having this annoying itchy feeling in my throat! Not fun at all. We're like a couple in a quarantine. Staying home and being sick. LOL!
We are better now, though. Lan started to go to office again this morning. As for me, I'm having hard time with my sleep. Blah. My body is feeling like it's just been under a running double-decker bus! On top of it, I got plenty of bad dreams lately.

Anyhow, I'm still kind of ecstatic! Next month, we will be celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary. Life is really a blur when you are spending it with someone you love so much :) I have to say, I am HAPPY! This is one of the best decisions that I have ever made in my life. Through all the flaws that we have, we are perfect match for each other. And, no, I can't live without him any more.

The weather is also muchhhh better lately. It seems like we are going to have a beautiful summer! I am excited for short-sleeves clothes and shorts and sandals! Get some vitamin D for sure, to kill the eczema ;)

Overall, I am just truly thankful for what I have, even my struggles. Through the downs, I appreciate and see how The Lord and my husband (and my loved ones) are always there to pick me up. Through the ups, I understand that happiness is much more meaningful when we share it!

June is already looking better :)

itty bitty May

2010-05-27T14:49:00.003+01:00

Huff! Can believe that May is almost over... this year has gone like a blur! Life's been upside down for me this month. I think I am literally going more and more insane (i.e., I was already insane, just becoming worse!).
Honestly, I think I am going down the hills. It's a TOUGH month, May is. It throws me out of the league, I feel.

I got my paper rejected for the second time, so that's my hope of going to Paris in September gone out of the window. Why? Simply because 2 out of the 3 anonymous reviewers did not like our 'Logics'. Ack! When you spent so much time investing and sweating over a paper, blood and sweat and your sanity, a rejection is never good.
Nope, I did not cry. Did not feel sad. Did not panic. It was Lan and my mother going heads over heels. Not me... I was more... discouraged, I'd say. It kills my buzz. It takes away all that's in me to finish this race. Much more fatal and scary than the panic and the sadness. It makes me struggle. Badly.
I am tempted to ask for help, but from whom? Only God can help me. And myself, of course. I need to fix myself. Only 6 months left and, yet, it feels like a never-ending road with scorching heat of the sun and me, the thirsty person, whom has her destination at the 'end' of that road.
My life must have been crazy.

That. Plus the false positive. What could be worse, right?!
I am shifting my priorities. I can feel it. I dare to say I can give up this 3 years worth of study for a baby, our baby. And the more everyone says, 'It's not time yet.' 'Be patient.' 'You have to wait.' The more impatient I am.
Face it. I am a super stubborn human being. I fought for what I want since I was 15, so do you think it's so easy to make me back down?! Uh oh. Nope.
But yeah... giving up is against my principles. That's the reason why I am still sane enough to be insane to continue and finish this 'race'.

Life o life.
June will be better. It will be.

God knows it will.

A Revelation on A Sunday Afternoon

2010-05-18T00:26:00.003+01:00

And the seed that You sowed grow...
Into a little plant,
Rooting on the best soil,
With its tiny green leaves.

Thank you, Lord, for nurturing him.
Thank you, for letting me witness the work of Your hands in my husband's life.
It is a joy to hear his desire is to serve and that his passion is for Your Kingdom.