Journey of Happiness

I am so proud of you, my dear! I was overflowing with pride seeing you in that red robe, walking across the stage to get your certificate! It was a longggg day, yesterday, and we were both so tired afterwards... It started with heavy rain until afternoon, but I think God heard our prayers and it stopped. :) What an unforgettable day! Congratulations on getting 'Doctor of Philosophy'! You know that to me, you're still my dear hubby, no matter what's your title. I love you!

I have been very quiet lately... I stepped out of the world for a bit and looked inside ME. Three weeks ago, I broke down in front of my supervisors, confessing that I can't do this PhD any more. I was so stressed out that I lost myself somewhat in between and got ill times and times again. That time, I came out of the denial I had been living in the past 12 months that I was struggling beyond my control. I lost my motivation and did not feel like I own the research that I was doing. I procrastinated and had a hard time getting any of my studies done. So, this two weeks, I took some time out to just really think whether this PhD is worth my sanity, myself, my happiness... I know it's only 10 months left, but because of the procrastination, I have SO much to do and so little time. *not good* Lots of things went through my mind; my parents, Lan's parents, the closest ones, their reactions. Then, above all, my own reaction. If I continue, will I cope? If I withdraw, will...

A fter a nerve-racking day, I am super proud to announce that Lan is *unofficially* a Doctor now! He did his viva for 1 hour and 30 minutes (quite a short one, since the average length of time is 2 hours minimum!) and successfully answered all the questions and defended his thesis! I was so nervous for him and my pride for him is beyond words! Praise Jesus for all the strength, wisdom and guidance! May His name be glorified! Thank you Jesus!

S eems like the days are much longer lately, I still can see some daylights around 4-5 pm. That's a good sign! Maybe Spring really decided to come early, because I've seen some beautiful sunshiny day today :) I can't wait for Winter to be over. Yep, I have enough Winter for now... give me warmth and no-bulky-jacket any time, I'll gladly take it! Lan's viva is 3 days away... He's nervous, very... Chocolate and snacks are on their way to soothe him hehehe... I am pretty sure he'll do a great job on it! :) I am on the mend... still exhausted and out of focus at times, but I am making effort to go to office this week, doing my study. Hopefully soon I can feel better enough to resume my driving lesson. I want to get it over and done with! These two days there is an exciting topic in Lan's and my conversations! Vacations! We're hoping to go to Paris, Disneyland and Wengen (Switzerland) after Lan's graduation (and hopefully my thesis submission!)...

I t's been so windy these last couple of days, it makes me doubly tired than I'm already feeling! I just hope the winds would soon move somewhere else! LOL! Blood test results show everything in my blood was normal. So, we still don't know what is wrong with me. We're going to the same doctor next Wednesday, hoping we'll get some answers soon. Praise The Lord is not thyroid problem or anything scary and I am sure my mum was quite relieved to hear the word 'normal'. She was so concerned... I am still crazily exhausted with the 9+ hours of sleep each day, but I am glad my appetite is improving. Occasionally, I do get some stomach pains or headache or mood swings, but I am trying to get back on track with study and teaching, since the new semester has started. Lan is having is viva next Friday, 11 February 2011. I am praying and trusting him in The Lord's hands. I know and I believe Lan can do it. He's smart and able! I am excited that he is going...

M y body is not well at the moment. No matter how much I sleep, I always wake up feeling tired and anxious. And when I am hungry and start to eat, I suddenly don't want to eat anything. It's bugging me... This morning, my nose started bleeding... It's 15.00 and I've had 3 nosebleeds in a day. Never had that before, never had nosebleeds often in my life either. So, after lunch, Lan took me to see a GP (General Practitioner) aka Doctor. She said I might have a bacteria infection (but it's strange because I have no fever) or, it's also possible that something is wrong with my thyroid level. So, she ordered a blood test for me, 4 different tubes. And I was such a baby, I loathe to get my blood taken! Oh, and when she took my blood pressure, it was 80/130, which is high for me, since I tend to have a lower blood pressure than that. Well, it's going to be a week before I know the results of my blood tests. In the mean time, the GP told me to take things eas...

W hen it's WINTER? Every year, the University always struggles with the heating system, but *note this* ONLY during the Winter? It's freezing cold right now in the building I am in and yeah, it's so not comfortable trying to work while you are cold!!! :( It's just horrible. There is always a leaking pipe somewhere somewhat... I hope they fix it soon enough, because I just hate the cold freezing office :( On the other post, today, I was all thinking about those flood victims in Queensland, Australia. I saw the photos, the videos, 9 metres of water! WOW! That is devastating and making me sad :( I hope the worst is over and the recovery is going well and those missing people are found safe and alive. When I read all about natural disasters that's been going on, the abnormal weathers and things that go on in the world, I am really thinking that the end of the world is really near. All that's been prophesied and written in the Bible is being fulfilled one af...

I failed my test today, just because of this ONE stupid and serious mistake. I was so close to passing that I am super annoyed with myself. Even my instructor who went along with me, he was in denial that I failed. But yeah... I'm trying again in 2 weeks time. And I know this time I'll make it right! I can drive as good as any other drivers out there. If today proved anything, it proved that I CAN drive; I am a driver not a learner any more. Thanks God that I have to go through these to get myself aware of things that are dangerous for me. Thanks God for supportive husband and awesome instructor, Sean! Thanks God for loving me.

I am trying to not think about my driving test tomorrow right now, because I know if I get nervous, I'll just ruin everything. What I need to tell myself over and over is that 'I can do this!' I can drive safely, I know what to do, I am not a learner any more, I am a DRIVER! I will keep telling myself to do my best and let God do the rest. I know I can! With God, I can :) I will pass tomorrow, God's willing.

W inter has come wayyyyyyy early this year to UK. It's way COLDER than I've experienced and it's more SUNNY!! We get to see more sunshine than ever this winter, but it's way colder and frostier than ever! It feels so icy no matter how much clothes I wear... And it seems that it might snow badly this year. Let's see what will happen. I am just glad that it's not a wet rainy and gloomy winter! I love the sun! I am aware that I haven't shared anything about my birthday celebration, yeah I've been too lazy hehehe... and been doing a lot of assignments marking as well as debugging. It was a simple celebration. We went for a delicious dinner and Lan bought me a beautiful cake, which mostly ended up in his stomach LOL! He gave me a Swarovski crown pendant that I had been wanting. Mama Papa bought me the awesome Bamboo Pen Tablet, which I have been using generously for my scrapping hobby. I got a special phone call from my family in Bali and lots of birthday...

S o... the implementation part of my program is done, now I'm in the middle of the bridge and about to cross over to experimenting stage. And this is the most painful part of all... debugging. When you have hundreds lines of codes and your output gives an exact opposite of the expected answer, you'd go crazy. That's what I am now... crazy! My program is not quite correct. I am super frustrated about that........ Why can't it just be right and give me easy time? LOL! So, I'm totally not happy about that :( On top of that, I've got a meeting with my supervisor, this is not going to be a good news. *sob* I guess I just have to say what I have to say! Aside from that... I'm going to have my mock driving test on Saturday. I hope I pass it so that I can just get onto the real exam next month, instead of spending more money for additional driving lessons. Oh well, at least tomorrow it's Friday. I'm glad. God bless!

D on't you hate it when you find something bad makes your day feel soooo long? Even hate it more because it's a Friday? Yes? Well... that's how I feel right now. For the last few weeks I have been implementing a program in Java for my PhD and I am almoooost finished. HOWEVER, it's when you ARE almost finished, you find all these annoying bugs and things that are stopping you to actually finish it! *GAH!* I feel so frustrated! I wish Friday is a weekend too! LOL! That's my daydream, to declare that Friday is a weekend! I'm sure MANY people gonna love that! Hehehe... Anyway, out of my frustration comes a blessing! I am so blessed to have Lan, who always willingly helps and supports me. He actually helped the situation and provided me with some alternatives to move forward. Praise The Lord for a very smart husband I have. :) On the other hand, days have been much shorter lately and the winds much chiller. We are putting the clock backwards on Sunday (ends o...

B een awhile since I last posted. It's like I want to post but I don't know what... Life has been just the same routine over and over again, except for last week, where I had to go to Manchester for a workshop for 3 days. Some parts of it were very useful. I got to get some tips on job interviews, career planning and some insights on related career prospects. It was tiring though, because we had to leave really early in the morning and return a bit late to avoid the peak-hours traffic jams. There was one day where we arrived there at 9AM, but my program did not start until 12PM. Good thing the venue was in the city centre, so I just went out and about to kill time. For more than 4 weeks now, every week I accompany Lan to go to dentist. He was getting a denture, since some of his teeth were pulled out because they were badly damaged. Now that the denture is done, the dentist found out that both of his wisdom teeth are having bad cavities. So, this Friday, we have to back to t...

P aper is submitted to another conference (TIME 2010). Whether it is accepted or not, the MOST important thing is that I know I tried my best! The rest, only God can deal with it :) If I get it, I'd go to Paris in September... if I don't, well, try another conference ;) Well, back to my excitement! I am going to a one-day trip to Conwy Castle in Wales tomorrow with my beloved hubbie. I am super duper excited to have a one-day full of fun! I pray that the sun will be shining and the day will be warm, blue skies ahead. :) Yay!

T oday, I got the e-mail saying that my paper has been unsuccessful aka rejected. Yep, remember this chaos ? The paper we submitted was not good enough. Upset? Yes. Sad? Yes. But, I am not feeling as bad as I though I'd feel. I was ready to hear whatever news it was. I think The Lord prepared me for it, actually. Thank God for that :) This just means I am given a room to improve. To be better.

W ow! The second month of 2010 is here already! January was a flash for me, because of all the madness and the suspense of writing a paper. I am kinda glad that it's over now... However, February comes with its own agenda, I believe. I am getting nervous... My supervisors have just asked me, in last week's meeting, to start my thesis' Table of Contents ! Is it really time already?! Gosh... I am in my THIRD year already?! I will be busier than ever... I've got a poster day coming up in March, an interview in May, a journal to finish off and submit somewhere ASAP, another research topic to do and a thesis to write. Huff... What a life?! I just hope and pray that I can endure and get through this year in sanity! LOL! Because I am really looking forward to finish 'writing' this chapter of life, still a chapter about ME. I want to start the next chapter already, which is about US; about Lan's and my family. We have agreed we want two beautiful juniors to complete...

I feel like I've abandoned this blog for forever! Well, literally my life has been in chaos for the past 2 weeks (at least!). When, I said I was going to slow down and breathe in, it did NOT happen. I made one little but fatal mistake on my paper, which sent me to a race with time. And I was tired! And I AM still very tired... I had fun with my brother being here, but I wished, oh how I WISHED... I had more time spent with him. Instead, I was running crazy in the office trying to fix this and that and do this and that. Argh... I am physically and mentally exhausted. I hope he liked the treats we spoiled him with and the day I accompanied him to go shopping. Hmmm... it's been a while. He went back to Brighton on Wednesday, and yes, I still cried. (Aren't I such a crybaby?!) I love him to bits! I see him becoming a man more and more each day and how The Lord walks with him! Praise God for that! Well, now that the paper is submitted and the technical report needs only minor t...

M y paper has shaped up, thanks to the teamwork with my supervisors. Tomorrow, we will be submitting, so this matter can be put aside at least until March! I am crossing my fingers that we will get accepted and published by the conference. I know we worked extremely hard on this. :) And if we do, hopefully, I will be attending the conference in Edinburgh, this July. I am looking forward for my second time going there... my first memory of Edinburgh is not very pleasant, especially because it involves me being in pain from Eczema. And, no, I don't forget... I would like to thank all of my friends, who have supported and prayed for me. I do believe that prayers do wonders and miracles! :) And with the business of writing paper coming to 'almost' an end, I am happy to say that I will be MIA for awhile! Tonight, Lan and I are picking up Erwin, my brother from the train station. He will be here in Liverpool until Wednesday. I am glad for that, because then I will have a reason f...

I t's been a long week... I am tired (beyond tired), lost my mind, can't really focus, feel like a zombie... But I'll keep going. I have too... and I will. I am beyond thankful to my dearest husband, who supports me so much all the way. And all the glory and honor to The Lord, for the favors that He pours upon me. It's unbelievable... To my dear supervisors, thank you! To the IJCAR conference's chair, thank you for the gracious extension on the deadline. Oh how I am loved! I will get there, to the finish line!

I t's finally the dreaded Monday here... I am not really looking forward to it, but, I still have to face it... It's officially the COMBAT week! To get a not-even-nearly-done paper to finish by Friday! Only God knows how to make this possible!!! So please please... pray for me that I am fit enough (to not throwing myself to the ground due to stress!) to endure this whole week of serious use of my brain! Thanks friends :)