Thursday, May 27, 2010

itty bitty May

Huff! Can believe that May is almost over... this year has gone like a blur! Life's been upside down for me this month. I think I am literally going more and more insane (i.e., I was already insane, just becoming worse!).
Honestly, I think I am going down the hills. It's a TOUGH month, May is. It throws me out of the league, I feel.

I got my paper rejected for the second time, so that's my hope of going to Paris in September gone out of the window. Why? Simply because 2 out of the 3 anonymous reviewers did not like our 'Logics'. Ack! When you spent so much time investing and sweating over a paper, blood and sweat and your sanity, a rejection is never good.
Nope, I did not cry. Did not feel sad. Did not panic. It was Lan and my mother going heads over heels. Not me... I was more... discouraged, I'd say. It kills my buzz. It takes away all that's in me to finish this race. Much more fatal and scary than the panic and the sadness. It makes me struggle. Badly.
I am tempted to ask for help, but from whom? Only God can help me. And myself, of course. I need to fix myself. Only 6 months left and, yet, it feels like a never-ending road with scorching heat of the sun and me, the thirsty person, whom has her destination at the 'end' of that road.
My life must have been crazy.

That. Plus the false positive. What could be worse, right?!
I am shifting my priorities. I can feel it. I dare to say I can give up this 3 years worth of study for a baby, our baby. And the more everyone says, 'It's not time yet.' 'Be patient.' 'You have to wait.' The more impatient I am.
Face it. I am a super stubborn human being. I fought for what I want since I was 15, so do you think it's so easy to make me back down?! Uh oh. Nope.
But yeah... giving up is against my principles. That's the reason why I am still sane enough to be insane to continue and finish this 'race'.

Life o life.
June will be better. It will be.

God knows it will.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

A Revelation on A Sunday Afternoon

And the seed that You sowed grow...
Into a little plant,
Rooting on the best soil,
With its tiny green leaves.

Thank you, Lord, for nurturing him.
Thank you, for letting me witness the work of Your hands in my husband's life.
It is a joy to hear his desire is to serve and that his passion is for Your Kingdom.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

I miss massage!

Ugh... lately my body is totally not feeling well! I get tired so easily and my shoulders are so often painful =(
This really makes me want to go home and have a full body massage! How I wish my home is only so close to me =(

UK is back to a series of gloomy days lately. It rains rains and rains a lot! The temperature also gets colder... it really does not feel like spring at all! But, hey, life goes on!

After the 'false' positive a few weeks ago, I was quite down and sad. My body was in a mess too... but I guess I can do nothing about it. It was just not our time yet. It brought me back to the reality that I wanted it too much that I became obsessed and I felt disappointed too easily. Life does not always go my way...

Yeah I should've remembered that before feeling all ugly and sad like that. =(

Anyhow, this month will be super duper busy for me... Things just keep piling on top of my list and I have been procrastinating a lot lately. Blah... that's for being a lazy me. It's time to catch up (but I really don't feel like it :p).

Well, I really hope this month going well for you guys.