Tuesday, June 27, 2006

international relationship, impossible?!

After a conversation with Lan yesterday, I cannot stop myself from thinking about the 'future' of our relationship. With the uncertainty of our own future; where we would be, what we would do, will we get a job after the graduation, it seems that the deadline of our relationship will be on the 5th September 2006, that is the day I fly home. No. Not that we don't have the faith for us and not that we don't want to do our best to make it happen. It's just that too many questions and possibilities ahead.
This story of mine sounds so sad to myself. Maybe it is just too much; he is from Beijing, I am from Indonesia and we met in England. It is a complexity to us.
He has a job waiting at home, I have a family responsibility to take and don't know where I end up after the graduation. It is like... we try to talk through it but all we get is an empty answer, simply null.

Despite all, I still believe there is always a chance and a possibility for us to make it through. We both know it will not be easy, but as long as we support each other, I think we will be fine. After all, life is a journey (of happiness), sometimes you have to feel the pain and sadness to be able to appreciate the happiness and peace.
I feel that part of me wants to go home but another part wants to stay and not parted from him. Because... I will never know when I will see him again, since his plan of coming to Bali on my birthday is still uncertain. And even if I see him again, will it be the same situation or will it be awkward?
Too many reasons and other people to consider about... And of course, the distance. But, too many sweet memories for this to let go easily.

Whether we make it or not, don't forget the promise we made on 27th June 2006.
Let us meet on 14th Febuary 2030, in front of Sydney Jones Library, where it all begun. I hope we can, at least, make this promise comes true.

As for our relationship, can we make it?

Sunday, June 25, 2006

still swolen

I'm back after a week! Thanks very much for the concerns I've received from all of you, friends. I am so much better than the last time I wrote. Yup! Sekarang sudah bisa jalan dengan 'rada' normal, tapi jempol masih bengkak, biru ungu plus kuku masih ga jelas keadaannya. Kalo kelamaan berdiri atau ga sengaja bertumpu pada jempol, rasa nyeri masih terasa.
Thanks to Lan, I can recover quite quickly. I am really touched and flattered by all his attention, patience and effort in taking care of me. For the whole week, I felt as if I was in my own private hospital with my very own doctor, chef, friend and helper. He cooked for me and provided me with meals three times a day, washed the dishes, got me whatever I needed, cheered me up and spoiled me with fancy and nice food. He is TOO good to be true! (That's what I always say to him, hehehe...)

Seminggu skripsi terbengkalai, tapi presentasi tetep harus jalan terus. Jadinya Jumat kemarin, selambat siput berjalan, aku ditemeni Lan ke kampus untuk presentasi. Untungnya para assessornya baik-baik, jadi aku boleh duduk selama presentasi, kalo ga gitu, ga kuat deh nahan pressurenya. Puji Tuhan presentasi berjalan mulus dan lancar. Malah sempet dapet advice yang bagus banget untuk progress project ini. Thank God!
Sempet juga jalan ke klinik di area kampus untuk check up karena takut ada infeksi. Jalan yang biasanya paling lama 15 menit sudah sampe, makan waktu 1 jam bolak balik. Gile dah... aku dalem ati sebenernya rasa sudah ga sabar pengen jalan cepet. Tapi si Lan kesenengan. Dia bilang: "Now you are even walking slower than my speed" Hehehe... emang biasanya aku kalo jalan cepet, sampe-sampe dia ngos-ngosan.
Jadinya seminggu ini aku kayak babi bayi, kerjanya makan tidur doank. Apalagi setelah ke klinik itu dibilang sama dokternya harus banyak berbaring; don't put too much pressure on the toe, otherwise it will bleed again and be painful. Plus obatnya bikin ngantuk tuk tuk... Abis minum obat, ga lama langsung ngantuk (lha wong dosisnya tinggi banget.)

Segitu dulu deh kabar dariku. Sekarang mo nyicil blogwalking. Sorry banget kalo mulai sekarang jam beredar bakal berkurang. Aku abis jatuh ketimpa tangga pula. *sob* Hard disk laptopku ada bad clusternya, jadi sekarang lambatnya ampun ampun!! So far not much I can do except to reduce the time using it, because I want it to survive for the next two months so that I can use it for my dissertation.
Jadi, bagi yang dateng ke sini minta dibikinin layout, sorry banget harus kutolak. Photoshop itu berat banget, jadi takutnya malah bikin keadaan laptop makin parah.
I thank the Lord for putting you into my life.
Though I never say it openly, I am amazed and grateful...
for who you are,
for your warmth, cares and loving kindness,
for always being on my side and protecting me; wiping my tears and cheering me up.
You... always succeed to put smiles on my face and fill my days with laughters.

I learn to understand the purity of your love...
through the sparkle of your eyes,
through the smiles on your face,
through the kisses of your lips.
I learn you are being true.

When you say: "Don't worry! Leave the worry to me."
You embrace me with warmth.

I learn, too, to cherish you...
to miss you,
to open my heart and give you space inside it.

I learn to say, with all my heart, "Lan, wo ai ni."

- nie, 25 June 2006.
especially for Zhang Lan.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

great toe accident

Alo semua... sorry banget ga sempet blogwalking sama sekali. Kemarin aku dapet kecelakaan *yang aku bikin sendiri*
One of the things that I hate so much in England is their doors. Semuanya berat-berat dan butuh tenaga ekstra untuk narik/dorong pintu. Nah... ceritanya, kemarin jam 9 malem, si Lan dateng ke tempatku untuk minta tolong nge-print and penjelasan tentang paper yang aku bikin dulu. Waktu buka pintu masuk ke flatku, secara ga sengaja, pintu itu kena jempol kaki kananku. Aku liat kukuku posisinya njeplak dan darah mulai keliatan ngambang di bagian dalamnya.
Duh... cekot-cekot rasanya. Tapi aku tetep mikir aku ga papa dan maksain untuk naik tangga ke lantai 2 (tempat kamarku berada). Sampe di atas, darah dah netes-netes... si Lan dah panik and coba telpon 999. Pas nyambung, ditanyain ini itu, si lady bilang keadaanku ga terlalu darurat untuk ambulans jemput aku. Tapi dia bilang, dia akan suruh seorang nurse untuk telpon balik untuk ngecek apa perlu ambulans ato ngga.
Anyway... tunggu punya tunggu, si Lan dah mendesak aku untuk ke hospital secepatnya, dia khawatir ada tulang yang patah atau retak. Tapi ga lama si nurse telpon. Dan setelah sekian banyak pertanyaan, dia bilang, aku ngga perlu ke rumah sakit, ke klinik saja cukup. Yo wis akhirnya ke klinik naik taksi (dengan modal cuma punya 10 pounds doank di tangan). Sampe depan klinik sudah jam 9.50, kita sampe gedor-gedor, karena kliniknya tutup jam 10 malem. Untungnya mereka bukain pintu. Dan pas si nurse B cek, dia bilang ada kemungkinan tulangnya retak/patah. Jadi dia kasih surat pengantar untuk kita ke rumah sakit.
Yo wis... naik taksi lagi ke rumah sakit (pada akhirnya duit 10 pounds itu abis buat bayar taksi doank!!!). Sampe rumah sakit, eh... ditanyain lagi ini itu dan sebagainya... gile dah... Aku sudah kesakitan minta ampun, ga bisa jalan pula. Malem itu jadi malam panjang beneran. Akhirnya di x-ray, dokter bilang, tulangnya ga papa. *puji Tuhan* Cuma... kuku jempolku itu copot dan ada kemungkinan kuku itu ga tumbuh lagi. *hiks* Jadi bisa-bisa jempol kaki kananku tidak punya kuku *sob sob sob*
So... please please pray for my recovery and hopefully my nail will grow back. Hiks... minggu ini minggu yang sibuk sebenarnya. Aku terpaksa harus men-cancel meetingku dengan supervisor besok. Tapi hari Jumat aku harus melakukan presentasi, semoga aku sudah bisa jalan dengan baik by then...

Segitu dulu deh... jempolku sudah nyeri lagi nih rasanya... Until the next post, friends. God bless you all! :)

Sunday, June 18, 2006

A nice poem

When you are sad,
think of your shadow.
Even if you run away,
it will follow you.
Whatever may fall on you,
you can be sure that it will not leave you.

- unknown


Ps. sorry, not really in the mood for posting up my days. Will do as soon as I get the mood. :)

Sunday, June 11, 2006

God Knows

When You feel tired and hopeless because all your efforts turn out to be nothing,
God knows how hard you have tried.
When You cried for so long, yet your heart is still painful,
God has counted your teardrops.
When you think that your life is waiting for something and time goes so fast,
God is waiting with you.
When you feel lonely and your friends are too busy to call you,
God is always by your side.
When you think you have tried everything and don't know what else to do,
God has the answer.
When everything does not make sense and you feel depressed,
God can calm you down.
When you suddenly see a trace of hope,
God is whispering to you.
When everything goes well and you feel like giving thanks,
God has blessed you.
When something beautiful happens and you are filled with awe,
God has smiled to you.
When you have visions to fulfill and dreams to make them come true,
God has opened you eyes and called you by name.
Remember that wherever you are facing...
GOD knows.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

a brand new place

Hola everyone! Apa kabar semua? Weekend pada ngapain? Aku sudah pindah ke tempat baru sekarang... lebih kecil kamarnya, sharing kamar mandi and dapur, tapi lebih deket dengan kampus. Baru kemarin pindahan, hari ini badan masih pegel-pegel rasanya. Untungnya kemarin dibantuin Lan and seorang temen gereja, jadi pegelnya ga keterlaluan.
Weekend ini rencana ga kemana-mana, mo take a rest aja, lagian ada tugas programming yang masih belum kelar *hiks*

Yo wis itu aja kali ya... aku lagi capek berat, kepengen balik tidur lagi rasanya...

Have a blessed weekend, everyone! God bless you all!
Continue to love and miss that person,
Love will come again.
Just like playing a game of hide and seek.
Even if you cannot see it,
Love must be waiting somewhere.
Lost amongst all the chaos,
But kept in our prayers.
Those people in love will surely meet again.

- Spring Waltz, 2006

Monday, June 05, 2006

1st reunion... on my birthday?!

Kemarin, aku dapet surat dari high school-ku, GVGS. Isinya ternyata tentang event di tahun 2006 ini. Pas baca daftar event yang bakal take place tahun ini, aku langsung fokus ke daftar acara reuni. Memang aku dah expect tahun ini bakal ada acara reuni untuk alumni lulusan tahun 2001 (that is the year I graduated from high school). Ditulis di surat itu the first reunion for Class 2001 is on 18 November 2006. Lah... my birthday donk?! Huhuhu...

Sejak habis baca itu, aku jadi kepikiran dan bertanya-tanya sendiri... Dateng gak yah?! Secara sekarang Australian visa-ku sudah expired and keadaan ekonomi yg ruwet, aku rada gak yakin bakal balik lagi ke Australia hanya untuk reuni... Apalagi ada rencana kumpul-kumpul keluarga pas hari ultahku juga. So ya... we will see.
Pingin sih dateng... ketemu temen-temen lama lagi, bernostalgia and lihat perkembangan di sekolah plus ketemu guru-guruku dulu. Hiks... I miss Australia. BUT, thinking it over and over... I might not go at all.
Still... I feel special that the reunion is on my birthday... Arghhh... soon I will be 22.

Ps. pas ngecek di websitenya GVGSpun ternyata sudah terpampang tanggal reunion-nya... *lihat di gambar, yg aku kotakin merah*

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Dissertation & Packing Up

Hello people! I hope you all were not wondering whether I am away again or not. This week I've been going to Campus regularly to see my supervisor and get some books from the library. My dissertation starts this week... plenty of reading, thinking and programming to do. So please pray for me.
With the summer holiday started already, the campus is so empty now... the undergraduate students are enjoying their holidays, but not us, the postgraduate, we still have to study. Anyway, soon in three months time, I will be finished. And hopefully, have a job waiting for me *fingers crossed!*

Apart from that, I am also in the middle of packing my stuff up. Yep! I am moving to a different dormitory. Since my contract will end on 10th June 2006, I have to find some where else to live. I cannot stay longer here, because during the summer this dormitory is booked for conferences. It was quite hard finding a place to live during this time of the year *it's like the odd time of the year* Thank God I found it. The place is quite nice; in the campus area, close to city center and the rent is cheaper than the place I live right now (although I have to share the bathroom, whereas here, I have my own ensuite.). Oh well, it's just for three months anyway...

What else have I been doing? I have been watching movies a lot these days... I meant, movies that I downloaded . I knit while I watch movies, so sometimes, I concentrate more to the knitting than the movie hehehe... but still, it's fun. I think that's all for now. It's quite late, I think I better go to sleep.

Have a blessed weekend, everybody! God bless you all!
Ps. It's June already... Time flies!
Only those lovers that can compromise with one another without feeling stressed are truly in love.



- Unknown