Journey of Happiness

T oday, I am writing about our anniversary celebration, before I forget all the details about it. We ended up having lunch at home, because we had a sleep-in and both woke up quite late. All the packing and tidying things up must be really tiring us down, not to mention it's been a nice hot week! It's nice outside, where you can feel the cool breeze, in our flat, not so much. It becomes really hot in our flat, because the window can only open very little (even that we have to wedge it with 2 thick shopping catalogue books!). So, we finally ventured out around 4pm. First destination was this new Pattiserie Valerie that we saw at Met Quarter (a shopping centre). They are specialised in cakes and desserts as well as serving some hot food and salad. We went there for the desserts. There were so many choices, but we ended up with 3: Black Forest Cake, Double Chocolate Cake and a Whoopy Pie. Iced lemon tea for the drinks. Mmm... Those cakes were heavenly! Sweet but not too sweet!...

I t's amazing fast we've got to celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary today! Time just flies unbelievably fast!!! And no matter how fast it's gone, It's been great! Saying 'yes' to Lan was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. He's the better man than I've ever wanted from a husband. He is kind and understanding beyond my expectation, supportive at all times. Inevitably, we had our clashing moments, but each and every one of them built us up stronger rather than tore us down. I praise the Lord for that. I am forever grateful to The Lord for Lan, for this marriage, for His plan in our life. Happy anniversary, Tun! ;) And happy birthday, my dear beloved sister, Yulie!!! I love you and I can't wait to see you soon at home. :)

I n 3 days, Lan and I will celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary! WOW! 4th year already! I am ecstatic! I am all the more excited in spending all the years to come with him... Over the years, our relationship gets easier. We understand each other better, compromise easier and we definitely are involved in a lot LESS and a lot SHORTER fights. It does take time to adjust from single life into a marriage life, indeed, but it definitly is better when both parties are willing to live the adjustments. And I am glad that we both are willing. We plan to just celebrate it with a simple dinner, because we're going to Paris in 3 weeks! YAY! Lan has got his Schengen visa yesterday (a very much shorter time to kill compared to mine!), we've bought our disneyland tickets today and we've planned our time there already. Suitcase is half-packed. I just can't wait!!! *wheeee!* In the mean time, we're packing and sending stuffs to Beijing like crazy!

I have never felt so complete like this before. I think, through the visa incident, Lan and I both realised that we love each other more than we think we do and more than ourselves. It's a great wake-up call. :) We are closer than ever and understand each other more than 7 weeks ago. I am so happy, but, gosh, I am so EXHAUSTED!!!! I think all the exhaustion that I tried to keep down during the 7 weeks has finally come up on the surface and affecting my body. I'm sleepy all the time. However, overall, I am still so grateful! Grateful that prayers work, that faith proves that miracles still exist, that *most importantly* God still listens to each and every prayer we say. And as Lan said, "God works in a mysterious way!" Have a great week ahead, friends :)

H e is home. I am happy. He is tired and jetlagged. I am getting more insane-less. We're together again! Thank you, God! :) Have a lovely weekend, people!

I slept less than 3 hours last night, in fact, I only fell asleep this morning at 6am, only to wake up at 8.30am. So I am all tired and my eyes feel like they are swollen, but I FEEL GOOD! I am HAPPY! Got the news that Lan's got his visa at 02.51am. Even better, got the news at 04.24am that he's got a seat on the flight middle of tonight AND will be arriving in Manchester Airport tomorrow (Thursday) at 19.15! Woohoo! All I can say to you, Jesus, is... Thank YOU! I've said it hundreds of times and I will keep saying it for the rest of my life. Thank you for the prayers and support, friends (& family)! You all have helped me knock the Heaven's door. :)

I am still in the 'surreal' phase right now, but I would love love love to share a good news that we have all been waiting for! Got a news that the UK Embassy has finally finished processing Lan's visa and it's now back to the agency. Lan tried to pick it up today, but because he got the news so late, by the time he got to the agency, it was already closed. So, tomorrow morning, he will go there to pick it up. Thank you, Jesus, for answering our prayers! Thank you, everyone, for praying for us earnestly! We will find out tomorrow whether or not he gets the visa and whether it's already valid. If so, he will try to get on the flight back to Liverpool tomorrow night and hoping to arrive on Thursday afternoon or night! I was so happy that I was crying when I heard the news! I'll post about the visa tomorrow. :) Again, thank you, Jesus!

T here's still nothing new on Lan's visa process. I could hear Lan's frustration today when I talked to him on the phone. He's getting really tired of everyone in the family asking how the visa is. He just wants to be home with his family, his own little family, he and I. That's one sweet saying of his today :) I feel as if we are both just going through the cycle of up and down, when I'm down, he's up and encouraging me, when he's down, I'm up and encouraging him. I wonder how long this going to last, because, I know, both of us are getting really weary. However, I'll keep praying, he'll keep praying and I am so very much thankful there are so many people who are praying for us; My parents, Daddy Arifin, Daddy Phillip, Helen & Gary, Alex, Louise, Georgia, Aunt Audrey & Fam, and many more... Yes, I admit that this is so hard to go through and, yes, I'm kind of skeptical at this point, but, I still believe my Father in Heaven h...

L an's still not here yet and I am emotionally a wreck. It gets harder each passing day. The one thing that I desperately want to hear and have been waiting for what seems ages, that the visa is out and he's heading back to me, I don't know what I'll hear that. I managed last week with shedding no tears, but that probably was wrong, because this week it feels as if my flood gate is broken and I keep crying like crazy until my eyes are super sore. It gets to the point, where I have no words to describe the pain, the hurt, the emotion inside, could tears speak louder than words? Maybe. I know that this is NOT Lan's fault. That if he could choose, he wants nothing of this happened and he would come back as planned. However, it's so hard not to have a scapegoat. It's so hard not to see this as his fault, that he put me through all this... I am so sorry, honey, that I blamed you. I know you're suffering, too, but, when you said you know how I feel, I ho...

B y now you should be here. This home should not be so empty any more. Our bed should not be half empty, without you, any more. You're supposed to be back here by my side by now. But I woke up to an empty dream. That I am still alone and I did not go to the airport to pick you up like I planned it to be. I am fine *not really* and accepting, but reality can be so cold sometime. It's a nice sunny *perfect* day, too, but it's not so perfect any more. Without you.

T he clock is ticking and there's still no sign that the visa is going to come out soon. Tomorrow... the last chance to see whether Lan can get aboard to the flight back here on-time. I am still hoping and wishing for a miracle. I am better now. I am more accepting and not going crazier than I was. Instead, I am calmer. Unfortunately, it's not so for Lan. Today, when I called him, he sounded ill and discouraged. There was a huge amount of sadness in his voice. I just hope he won't be sick. I told him to hang in there. There must be a purpose for all of this. God knows what He is doing. In time like this, when things seem so impossible and dire, when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I have two choices; be miserable and blame God or be strong and keep praising God. I chose the later. It's hard, painful and seems to be out of my senses, but I chose to keep trusting Him. I chose to accept, it may not be this Thursday, but God will bring Lan back to ...

I walked around town like an unconscious living zombie today, after church, with Michel. I cried myself to sleep last night around 2AM. I am trying, really trying to hold it together, but I think things will soon just go down the hill. I came to a realisation that tomorrow aka Monday is a bank holiday! That means that the embassy is NOT going to be open, hence, there won't be any update on Lan's visa on Monday! ACK! I am losing it. My mind. My sanity. My brain altogether. I am aching all over. My heart. My body. My bones. Whatever. I might just go on a roller-coaster ride and scream on the top of my lung or something. Ugh, I'm just jabbering, aren't I? No matter what, Sherly, remember this: Keep calm and cling to God. If you cannot. Be crazy and, still , cling to God. - nie, 29th May 2011 @ 11.52PM

A s I count down the days Lan coming back to Liverpool, into my arms, I once more am knocking on the Heaven's door for urgency... I am praying praying and praying that The Lord's hands are upon Lan's UK Visa application, which is NOT out yet. A week to go and there is still NO sign whatsoever that they will grant the visa. Both Lan and I are anxious and worried, but we try our hardest to build each other's faith and keep on praying that it will come on HIS time. It's some kind of a crazy adventure, I must say... to keep us on the alert all the time, to move us both forward in our faith in Jesus. We are MORE than conquerors in Jesus Christ. So here I am... knocking on the Heaven's door again and again for Lan's visa and for my French visa. I know God is more than able. He will bring my husband back into my arms on-time.

J ust got back from the doctor to check on my sore throat as well as the fatigue that I have been feeling lately. After an hour wait, it turned out to be a viral infection... Nothing she could do about it, just rest, lots of water and paracetamol. On top of that, it can last up to a week. Grrr... I hate that. We also checked on the nauseas and the fatigue. Nope. Pregnancy test turned out to be negative. She said it's possible those are the symptoms for the viral infection, but when the infection is gone and the symptoms are still there, I'm supposed to go back. *sigh...* Do I really have to be sick while Lan's away? I just hope it goes away soon. I am getting used to being alone a bit better now. Phone calls are more enjoyable and no-tears involved. We don't do Skype because apparently the Internet at his parents' home is not that good. Certainly not as good as here in UK, Lan said. Oh dear... I just hope when we rent/get our own place, we'll get a bette...

A nd... 24 days to go. You know when Lan left, I thought it'll be just the same like the time when I used to be alone, before we got married. Now after almost 2 weeks, I find that it's not the same and will never be the same. Going out with the single friends from church, I felt old. Out of place. It's just different. I can't really say what, but I was feeling misplaced most of the time. I still go, anyway, just to kill time, just so that I won't be at home alone feeling mellow... I am determined to fill these lonely times by developing new friendships with a few people from church. It's just nice to speak with a few ladies, who are married and can be like a big sister or, even, a mother to me... It's nice, especially when most of the time I used to be working surrounded by guys in the University. :) Overall, I am OK. Well, in a way. Lately I feel more tired than usual and don't have any appetite, kind of sick of food smell really. Should I go to a ...

I terribly miss my man. It's barely a week since Lan is gone. I thought I was coping well, but each time we talk on the phone every day, it always ends with some tears on my eyes... I miss him too much to be said. Home is not the same without him. It feels emptier here, too spacey and too quiet... Home is not the place, it's the people you share it with. For my case, it's you my dear hubbie. Yesterday and today, I've been having some tummy problem. Diarrhoea and uncomfortable feeling all day round, ugh... Today it's worse and accompanied by some vomiting feeling. I just hope it passed quickly. I just make sure that I drink a lot of water. I have mostly just been scrapping and playing games all day hehehe... Just to pass the time. Even worse after I found out there is a new version of Angry Birds! Rio version! I love Angry Birds, so worth the price I paid and so fun! :p Anyway, 29 days 'til you're back, hubbie!

M y heart is half a wreck today. He's up in the air right now heading to Dubai, before flying to Beijing. I cried, he cried. I saw him off, disappeared into the train that took him to Manchester Airport. And I waited, I saw the train slowly heading away from me. And there he went... I tired myself today. Walked around town, bought a few essential stuffs and ended up watching Rio 3D. It is a great movie! I love it! It'd be more lovely if I watched it with you, honey... *sigh* I cried at the happy ending. My heart aches like I can't describe it. And now, the wait... until the 1st of June.

T hat's how long I've got until Lan goes on the train that takes him To Manchester Airport. He doesn't want me to go with him to the Airport, he said it's too hard to bear, too hard not to cry... That's my guy, that's my husband, tough and strong but has such a tender heart. I've heard him cry when I left for home alone last year and the year before. That's how much he loves me. And that same guy will soon rip apart my heart and take the half with him all the way to Beijing. I think I'll go insane. I think I'll miss him beyond words. My sweet guy, what am I gonna do? He's been making sure that things are prepared for me. He loaded the fridge, enough for me to survive 2 weeks at least. He made sure the electricity meter is loaded so that I won't be without power. He'll clean the carpet tomorrow for me. My sweet guy. I've been spending most of my time with him, instead of the computer, but I can't get enough. This is going...

L an is going home to Beijing alone and I will be here by myself until 1st June. He is so happy and excited and here I am dreading the days I will spend alone... I don't how I will cope, I don't know how I will manage. I realised how much independence marriage has stripped away from me, I am so dependent on Lan, he is like the left side of my body, he is the air I breathe. Sadly, I won't be going to Holland at all due to the long queue for the visa appointments until the middle of May, which is the time I won't to get going. Anyway, I will stay and hopefully will spend more time with a few friends of mine, as well as scrapbooking to my heart's content. Tomorrow, we are going to the beach in Crosby. It's going to be a good day, I really hope we have a great time there and just have the moment together, nice memories and lots of pictures. For me to smile at when he's not here... All his stuffs are packed. By me. LOL! I really pray he goes and comes back ...

I t's been so windy these last couple of days, it makes me doubly tired than I'm already feeling! I just hope the winds would soon move somewhere else! LOL! Blood test results show everything in my blood was normal. So, we still don't know what is wrong with me. We're going to the same doctor next Wednesday, hoping we'll get some answers soon. Praise The Lord is not thyroid problem or anything scary and I am sure my mum was quite relieved to hear the word 'normal'. She was so concerned... I am still crazily exhausted with the 9+ hours of sleep each day, but I am glad my appetite is improving. Occasionally, I do get some stomach pains or headache or mood swings, but I am trying to get back on track with study and teaching, since the new semester has started. Lan is having is viva next Friday, 11 February 2011. I am praying and trusting him in The Lord's hands. I know and I believe Lan can do it. He's smart and able! I am excited that he is going...