Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I choose to praise You.

The clock is ticking and there's still no sign that the visa is going to come out soon. Tomorrow... the last chance to see whether Lan can get aboard to the flight back here on-time. I am still hoping and wishing for a miracle.

I am better now. I am more accepting and not going crazier than I was. Instead, I am calmer. Unfortunately, it's not so for Lan. Today, when I called him, he sounded ill and discouraged. There was a huge amount of sadness in his voice. I just hope he won't be sick. I told him to hang in there. There must be a purpose for all of this. God knows what He is doing.

In time like this, when things seem so impossible and dire, when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I have two choices; be miserable and blame God or be strong and keep praising God. I chose the later. It's hard, painful and seems to be out of my senses, but I chose to keep trusting Him.

I chose to accept, it may not be this Thursday, but God will bring Lan back to me in His time. The perfect time.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Losing my mind.

I walked around town like an unconscious living zombie today, after church, with Michel. I cried myself to sleep last night around 2AM. I am trying, really trying to hold it together, but I think things will soon just go down the hill. I came to a realisation that tomorrow aka Monday is a bank holiday! That means that the embassy is NOT going to be open, hence, there won't be any update on Lan's visa on Monday! ACK!

I am losing it. My mind. My sanity. My brain altogether.
I am aching all over. My heart. My body. My bones.

Whatever. I might just go on a roller-coaster ride and scream on the top of my lung or something. Ugh, I'm just jabbering, aren't I? No matter what, Sherly, remember this:
Keep calm and cling to God.
If you cannot.
Be crazy and, still, cling to God.

- nie, 29th May 2011 @ 11.52PM

Saturday, May 28, 2011

other things + Darwen Tower Walks

It's 10.23 PM here and I am so tired physically and mentally. I can't wait for the month of May to be over already... I don't know... It's just been such an awfully long month with all the things that could go wrong went wrong as well as being without Lan here. I am exhausted and who knows how long exactly I can handle all these any more. I feel like I'm pushing myself out of my limit already... Let's hope things are better next month.

I talked to Lan today... His visa is still not out yet. A few more days to his planned return and I am SUPPOSED to be happy and excited! Yet, right now, it's just worry that I am trying to cover up. I am putting on a strong and brave act, telling Lan that it will all be OK, that his visa WILL be out on Monday. I am putting my belief in the faith that 'in the most dire time, God is the closest to us', that 'when we both are completely giving up and have no more options to do anything, He acts and shows His grace and that this is not an empty and foolish faith.' And I admit, IT'S HARD! Looking at the impossible situation and still push through with such belief, it kills and exhausts me!
But, all in all, it will be less of me and more of HIM, right? I'll say 'Amen' to that.
God can make something out of nothing.
So be nobody, so God can make you somebody.
- by unknown.

Well, after the talk, Michel and I started our weekend adventure for the third time, this month. We went to Darwen in Lancashire to experience Darwen Tower Walks. He did say it would be shorter than last week's 6km, however, it was such a steep walk all the way to the tower and back. My legs and feet were suffering, and the wind... Oh, there were some crazy wind up there! As Michel said, 'we were harassed by the wind'! Indeed. The view was stunning though from above the hills. Beautiful and breathtaking! It'd be better if it was not so cloudy, windy and grey. Even better if the sun was shining, but, it was still beautiful!
On the way down, we were barked at by 2 guard dogs, I basically just took cover right behind Michel, in case they do bite. I bet Michel thought I'm just a scaredy cat :p

One thing that I learnt from this kind of walks is that 'I am NOT that fit!' Hahaha... Michel made these walks look so easy, but I was trying to catch my breaths all the time and making sure I don't trip or fall or accidentally twist my feet. Overall, it was fun. I had a great time with him.

Ps. Thanks Michel for driving around with me and for all the adventures. Thanks for telling me to forget about my worry for awhile. It was nice to just breathe through the moment. Thanks for the friendship! :)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Knocking on the Heaven's door again...

As I count down the days Lan coming back to Liverpool, into my arms, I once more am knocking on the Heaven's door for urgency... I am praying praying and praying that The Lord's hands are upon Lan's UK Visa application, which is NOT out yet. A week to go and there is still NO sign whatsoever that they will grant the visa.
Both Lan and I are anxious and worried, but we try our hardest to build each other's faith and keep on praying that it will come on HIS time. It's some kind of a crazy adventure, I must say... to keep us on the alert all the time, to move us both forward in our faith in Jesus.

We are MORE than conquerors in Jesus Christ.
So here I am... knocking on the Heaven's door again and again for Lan's visa and for my French visa. I know God is more than able. He will bring my husband back into my arms on-time.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Wirral Country Park

Yesterday, Michel and I went to Wirral Country Park for a long walk. When I said a long walk, it was really a long walk... we walked at least 6km yesterday for more than 1 hour or so. The view was overlooking Wales on the other side of the water, it was beautiful. However, it was challenging for me! We had to do some rock climbing and walking on a piece of wood to avoid the mud. For him it was such an easy task, for me?! Gosh, did I not have a hard time!
And about half way, (the time we were walking on the direction to go back to the car park) I had the urge for toilet. Oh dear... and there was no public toilet for the next 3 km! Michel did tempted me to just pee on the bush, ha! No way! If it was Lan, I might've said yes, but no, it wasn't Lan hahaha...

So, we walked, FAST! That was almost an hour wait, only to find out that the visitor centre is CLOSED (as well as the toilet)!! Crap! Luckily, Michel has and drives a car. He took me to ASDA (a big supermarket), which was 5km away from the park we were... That was one of the LONGEST one-and-a-half-hour of my life!

Then, we headed back to Liverpool and picked up another friend, Daniel, and went to Michel's place to cook some Polish food for dinner together. It was a fried Polish pasta, which tastes like Chinese dumplings, and a dish of bacon, red onions, sauerkratt and mushroom! Very delicious!
We had a great time together, talking and joking around. It was lovely. Then, Michel drove us home. Thanks, Michel :)

And here I am, Sunday noon, at home. Too tired and decided not to go to church. Even grocery shopping is going to wait for tomorrow!

Friday, May 20, 2011

I hope it's 2nd time lucky!

After being so relieved getting back my passports, the next time I have to send it back again... *sigh* I am nervous about the same incident happening again, but I just have to have faith that God will take care of it.

I've fixed the serious error. They said my photo is too old, really?! How could you tell? And that was one of the latest passport photos I've done too. It really is expensive to take passport photos here. I had to do it on a photo booth, which is incredibly loud and ripping money out of you literally! It costs me GBP5.00 for 5 passport photos, really? GBP1.00 each photo, really? They probably get about 300% profit out of it! *sigh*
I redid the application form so that the date would be up to date and put them all in the order they asked me to (after they messed it up previously!). And I sent it on the Royal Mail Special Delivery yesterday, which guarantees it arrived today before 1PM. It only costed me GBP5.90! So much better service than the GBP8.00 Express Mail by courier!

Oh well... I just hope this time it goes smoothly and without a hitch. God bless the application.

Well, I hope you all have a great and blessed weekend :) Take care!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Hey, miracles do happen!!!

I, for one, believe in miracles that God makes every.single.day! So, here is the story about my passports.

I sent it to TLSContact, the agent that deals with French Schengen visa application on 26th April 2011. I heard nothing from them until last Monday, 09th May 2011, telling me there is a serious error on my application and that they are sending my documents back via the courier that they trust.

I waited.waited.waited. They said it's an express mail service, but I got nothing until TODAY! Yesterday, I was losing my mind... it's been a WEEK, express could NOT be longer than a week, right?! So I rang TLSContact, because I can't access my application account over the Internet any more, it's been disabled (hence, I can't look for my tracking number). TLSContact told me to ring DX courier by myself and check it with them. *Grrrr...*
I rang the courier, but could not get to talk an operator, because I need a tracking number to do that :( At the end, I filled in a contact form and wished that they'll contact me ASAP. I was already worried with the possibility that I lost my papers... Well, I got nothing last night, except that I was sickly worried and going mentally crazy.

Today, I woke up 8.30, turned on my laptop, checked my email, still nothing. With my little hope and expectation, I went to check the mail, nothing either. By then, I was losing it... I kept watching for the ONE email that I want to come... 10.57 a.m. it arrived. My heart dropped, fearing for the worst. HOWEVER, God is truly good! My passports are NOT lost. They somehow did NOT deliver them to me last week, but they promise they are delivering it TOMORROW between 9.00 and 17.00. That's a really huge time frame, but I don't care any more. To know that my passports are all safe and sound, that all that matters!!!

So tomorrow, I hope it arrives as they say so that I can fix my mistakes and send another application back to TLSContact (and will be praying HARD that something like this does not happen again!).

Thank you, Jesus, for miracles!

I am going insane.

I pray "Lord, wherever they (the courier) lost my passport(s) and documents, may they find them in your time. And give me the strength and the sanity while that's going on... because really, I am going insane bit by bit. Thank you, Jesus."

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Friendships

One thing that I am able to do while being alone without Lan here is developing friendship. I get more time to meet people, friends, and spend time with them, get to know them better. With us being a 'student' couple, we rarely have the energy and the time for socialising. Now that I am under suspension, I have more time in my hands that *sometimes* I don't know what to do with it... Mostly, I'd stay at home with Lan or go out with him.

However, while he's not here, I get to see friends. Have lunch with some girlfriends from church during weekday without being worried 'what about Lan?'. I get to talk to them and ask advice, since they are mostly already married and have kids. :)
Another, I got to go on a day out with a colleague, which is nice. We get to talk casually, about a girl that he likes, our families, some jokes. It's very nice of him to offer a day out like that and he drives really nicely!

Well, I may be lonely and missing Lan badly, but I am also thankful for friendships; for people who care for me. It makes these lonely days a bit more bearable! Thank you, Jesus, for friendships.

Why do viral infections exist?

Just got back from the doctor to check on my sore throat as well as the fatigue that I have been feeling lately. After an hour wait, it turned out to be a viral infection... Nothing she could do about it, just rest, lots of water and paracetamol. On top of that, it can last up to a week.

Grrr... I hate that.

We also checked on the nauseas and the fatigue. Nope. Pregnancy test turned out to be negative. She said it's possible those are the symptoms for the viral infection, but when the infection is gone and the symptoms are still there, I'm supposed to go back. *sigh...* Do I really have to be sick while Lan's away?

I just hope it goes away soon.

I am getting used to being alone a bit better now. Phone calls are more enjoyable and no-tears involved. We don't do Skype because apparently the Internet at his parents' home is not that good. Certainly not as good as here in UK, Lan said. Oh dear... I just hope when we rent/get our own place, we'll get a better Internet.
We've had several serious discussions on the phone regarding our move back to China. I just pray that things would fall in to places according to God's will.

Sunday, May 08, 2011

It'll Never Be The Same.

And... 24 days to go.
You know when Lan left, I thought it'll be just the same like the time when I used to be alone, before we got married. Now after almost 2 weeks, I find that it's not the same and will never be the same. Going out with the single friends from church, I felt old. Out of place. It's just different. I can't really say what, but I was feeling misplaced most of the time. I still go, anyway, just to kill time, just so that I won't be at home alone feeling mellow...

I am determined to fill these lonely times by developing new friendships with a few people from church. It's just nice to speak with a few ladies, who are married and can be like a big sister or, even, a mother to me... It's nice, especially when most of the time I used to be working surrounded by guys in the University. :)

Overall, I am OK. Well, in a way. Lately I feel more tired than usual and don't have any appetite, kind of sick of food smell really. Should I go to a doctor? Maybe. I am just too lazy hehe... If it gets really bad, I might just drop by in the campus clinic. :)

I am glad that, at least, each day we talked on the phone with each other. If not, I'd go mentally ill. Even with phone call everyday, I still cry sometimes when we have to say 'good bye' to each other. Ugh... I miss him lots.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

More than I can say

I terribly miss my man. It's barely a week since Lan is gone. I thought I was coping well, but each time we talk on the phone every day, it always ends with some tears on my eyes... I miss him too much to be said.

Home is not the same without him. It feels emptier here, too spacey and too quiet... Home is not the place, it's the people you share it with. For my case, it's you my dear hubbie.

Yesterday and today, I've been having some tummy problem. Diarrhoea and uncomfortable feeling all day round, ugh... Today it's worse and accompanied by some vomiting feeling. I just hope it passed quickly. I just make sure that I drink a lot of water.

I have mostly just been scrapping and playing games all day hehehe... Just to pass the time. Even worse after I found out there is a new version of Angry Birds! Rio version! I love Angry Birds, so worth the price I paid and so fun! :p

Anyway, 29 days 'til you're back, hubbie!