Thursday, February 25, 2010

Lan's update #3

Lan is HOME!!!!!

Can you tell how relieve and happy I am?! The doctors put their hands up, they really don't know what was wrong with him. So, they advised him to go home and have rest, and truly, Lan prefers it that way! In the hospital, he could not really rest.

So... he still is very weak. He still has nausea and headache when he sits or stands up. In fact, he vomited as soon as we got home. BUT, I am really glad he is back home, where he feels really comfortable and can fully rest! I really do not mind all the works I have to do for him.

As soon as I cleaned up the mess, I helped him shower and wash his hair. He felt much fresher immediately. Right now, he is snoozing and snoring. One thing he cannot really do in the hospital.

So, I am praying for his speedy recovery. :)

Ps. Oh, thanks a LOT for all your supports, friends!!! It means the world to me :)

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Lan's update #2

Today was kind of an up and down day for Lan.
In the morning, he was not allowed to eat, because suddenly they decided to do an Ultra Scan (USG) on him, to check on his liver and stomach.
The GOOD news is that everything in his stomach was fine.
The BAD news is that he was having this bad headache and nausea, due to sitting up on a wheelchair.

The nurse had to give him a shot and some painkillers because he was unable to move, sweating excessively and looking green. The doctor saw him and, after some discussion, she said that it is really the post-lumbar puncture effect. *ARGH!*
Another good news is that the doctor is keeping an eye on him, if by tomorrow the fever does not return, then he might be able to go home.
Yeah! I do prefer that he is resting at home. He told me he could not really have a good sleep, because there is always a machine beeping or a nurse coming in or some other noises. In that case, I told him, I'd rather him be at home and I'd nurse him. That way he will recover better!

At the second visiting hour, he was looking much better. We talked more than these previous days, we joked and he smiled often. That smile that had been missing from his face since Sunday is returning...

The future is looking a tiny bit brighter...

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Lan's update #1

Today brought a positive news: NOT meningitis and NOT brain infection. They keep testing though... today, Lan said a nurse came to take another HUGE tube of blood out of him for more tests.
He looks OK, but every now and then fever comes and tonight he was feeling like car sick. Argh... I don't know. I just hope they figure it out SOON! This suspense is killing me!
Don't say that you are a burden to me, coz you are not.
Don't tell me to not come when you want me to come, coz I want to come.
Don't tell me to go home because of snow, coz nothing can stop me from coming to see you.
Don't push me away, coz I am all to willing to do all these...

If it makes you feel better.
If it makes you happier.
If it makes you more comfortable.

I will do everything.
For you.

To: Lan.

Here is what happened...

It all started on Saturday night, 21 February 2010. Lan started to have a fever when he went to bed. It got really bad at dawn, he woke me up at 5 a.m. asking for cold towel, hoping to tame the fever, which was around 38.6.
Morning came, he was out of strength and breath. It took so much effort for him to go to the bathroom, which is less than 5 meters away from his bed. He took some Ibuprofen and I continued putting cold towel on him. I made some porridge for him, but he did not eat much due to lack of appetite. I put some ointment oil on his feet, back and stomach to keep them warm and hoping it was just cold air causing problems. The fever went down to 37.6. So I was less worried at this point. I made sure he drink water often and glad that he did.
Dinner was much better. I fed him porridge and boiled egg, he ate much more than lunch. He said that he is feeling better, but mostly he just stayed on bed, resting. BUT, the stupid fever decided to return to him around 11 p.m., time where we decided to go to bed, only this time is HIGHER! 39.1... and he asked to go to hospital.

So, I got ready right away and called a taxi. We went to A&E (Accident and Emergency) right away. He was losing his strength again and kept running out of breath. His joints were painful and there was this awful headache... We waited quite long, until we finally were seen by the doctor. She was suspecting meningitis or malaria. So, she took some blood to be tested and an x-ray of his chest. At that point, they found some infection (but don't know where specifically) because his white blood cells percentage was higher than normal. As a precaution, the doctor gave Lan antibiotics and some fluid because he did not eat much.

He was moved to Acute Medical Assessment Unit on an emergency bed (because it was FULL!) for further investigation by senior doctors. That was 4 a.m. and I was asked to leave. I got home flat out.

(From Lan's story)
No doctors came to him until morning (though they kept saying that a doctor is going to see him soon!). He did not sleep a wink that night, waiting for the doctor. When a doctor actually came, she drew more blood out of him for more tests. At this point, they have more suspects: meningitis, malaria, viral infection or brain infection.
Then nothing... until I came at 2 p.m., Lan told me that they were moving him to a ward. At this point, we were sure that he got to stay for at least a few days. Good thing I brought him some fresh clothes, tooth brush, tooth paste and some other essential things.
He was moved around 3 p.m. to a ward of 6 beds. It is nicer, quieter and the nurses are more available to his needs. A doctor came right away to talk to us. She wants to do lumbar puncture to take some of his brain fluid sample, to test whether he really has brain infection. At first, Lan did not want to. I could understand... even I was terrified, is that really needed? But, even so, I still convinced him to do it. So he did. He said around 5.30 p.m. they came to do it and, afterward, he was to lay flat on the bed for the next 5 hours.
When I came around again at 6 p.m., he gave me this painful face. Oh... it broke my heart. A nurse then came again to take some blood sample (for who knows the how many times!), he said this is for the meningitis test.
At that time, he was feeling much better and having more strength than Sunday. Oh but oh... the fever came back again around 7.30 p.m.!!! They gave him 2 paracetamols and he was getting sleepy. That was good. He had not had much sleep, so I told him to sleep... while I tried so hard holding my tears!

Visiting hour ended at 8 p.m., I walked home crying to myself. That is it so far...
Let's see what the test results bring today.

Monday, February 22, 2010

It's not the same...

Without you next to me... For the first time after we married, I envied couples walking hand-in-hand! It made me cry... I miss you, honey, and it breaks my heart to see you laying on the hospital bed being weak. It hurts to see you are in pain. It kills every time they took blood out of you. My heart screamed when you told me how painful the lumbar puncture is...

Dear, I hope you get well soon. I really pray that you will be back by my side again very soon. Whatever it is that happen to you; may it be brain infection, meningitis, malaria, viral infection, whatever! I know our God is your Healer. He heals you.

Tonight, walking home from hospital, I could not hold my tears any more... I saw more stars in the skies than ever, but it was missing that ONE star; YOU. Be well, honey... I miss you.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


On Sunday, we went to a church that I've been wanting to go. It was a colorful journey to start with; Lan & I quarreled, we got lost and was late for one hour! LOL! But, all in all, we like the church. We came just when the sermon was about to start. So that was good. Lan also feels comfy about going to that church. So, we have decided to try going there every Sunday, as for now.

Afterward, we had a very late lunch (3pm!) at a Chinese restaurant, which was a very bad decision! LOL! It was crowded and so busy, the food was not as tasty as the usual day. However, we did meet a friend, Simon, there. We were chatting and I was struck that it's been 3 months since we last met together! Ack! Where did the time go?! Life just went pass by me!
Lan said that our days are so monotone that time is just a blur... I guess that's true. I am feeling so out of place with all of this routine. Yep, I'm not really a routine-girl! I like adventure and exciting things; unpredictable and fun...
Sigh... that's not really PhD, is it? Well, I should just finish up asap then.

I am hating the monotone life!

Ps. I got an iPod touch from Lan as my Valentine's gift!!! Oh, I am super duper happy! :D

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Another reason why...

He is my PERFECT man.
We had a long talk yesterday afternoon about ME. Yep, he noticed that something was terribly wrong with me; no enthusiasm to go to office or do my study.
So, he spent the afternoon at home with me... be my good listener while I spilled my heart out.

You see, I don't do that much often. I rarely talk my heart out. I mostly listen to people that I am not used to talk about my feeling. Yesterday, he was patient and I tried to open myself. Awkward at the start, but it went nicely at the end.

I fell much better, much lighter, much happier.

Now I can continue to do my work.

How The Lord works in wonder to give me him. My perfect match.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Acute tiredness

Lately, I have been wondering why every time I wake up in the morning, I just feel more tired than the day before. I feel so tired and dis-functional, like my head is just an empty skull.
I cannot really relax, no matter what I try... I'd dream about things I have to do in the next day each night and that is not pleasant. It's all restless...

Maybe it's due to this long and never-ending studies of mine... Or maybe some other things that I don't know what. Sometimes, I feel that I can just pass out at any time, and that feeling scares me.
The only thing that I can do right now is to remind myself, it's all going to be over at the end of this year... That's my goal, at least...

Monday, February 01, 2010

Life as it is...

Wow! The second month of 2010 is here already! January was a flash for me, because of all the madness and the suspense of writing a paper. I am kinda glad that it's over now... However, February comes with its own agenda, I believe. I am getting nervous... My supervisors have just asked me, in last week's meeting, to start my thesis' Table of Contents! Is it really time already?! Gosh... I am in my THIRD year already?!
I will be busier than ever... I've got a poster day coming up in March, an interview in May, a journal to finish off and submit somewhere ASAP, another research topic to do and a thesis to write. Huff... What a life?!
I just hope and pray that I can endure and get through this year in sanity! LOL! Because I am really looking forward to finish 'writing' this chapter of life, still a chapter about ME. I want to start the next chapter already, which is about US; about Lan's and my family. We have agreed we want two beautiful juniors to complete our family. And we can't wait... Our parents cannot wait either. Oh... how I wish I can skip this... but, no, I am responsible for what I asked. So, I will finish my race and be victorious!
Here is my life as it is...
Loved by many,
Blessed by The Lord.

I'd change nothing of it.
The ups and the downs.
They are beautiful in their own ways.
They make me, ME.
- by nie.
Monday, 1 February 2010 @16.41.

January was the month that I learnt a lot.
How The Lord taught me the 'fast' way, where He tested my endurance and obedience.
How The Lord showed me the love my husband has for me and that our relationship is deeper than just beneath the skin.
How The Lord keeps teaching and shaping my husband. Oh! I am in joy! The words that come from my husbands' lips are The Lord's wisdom!
How The Lord showed me an eternal mother's love. She knew, without I said a word, there was something wrong with me. The suspense and the stress that I was afraid to let out... she felt it. Thank you, Mam!
2010 is the year I grow to be what The Lord wants. And I say Amen to that!