Thursday, December 23, 2004

Before I Go Away...


Farewell for awhile, my friends.
I am going home tomorrow (On The Christmas' Eve) and will arrive at home sweet home on 26th December 2004 to have a 2-weeks holiday at home.
The experience of getting a seat on the plane during this peak season has been a miracle from The Lord for me. I feel greatly and deeply blessed by Him. I also feel fortunate to have my family, who helped and encouraged me to not give up and to convince me that I WILL go home. And here I am... Several hours and I'll be on the plane.
God knows how happy I am that I will be home soon! It is a great great joy. And so, due to a short holiday that I have at home, I will try to enjoy myself with my family as much as I can. Therefore, I won't update my blog for awhile (I might still check and reply the shoutbox.)

For everyone: Have a good celebration of the end of the year. God bless you and the new year coming for you abundantly! *cheers*
Also, thank you for all whom have prayed for me regarding the ticket.

Lord...
You knew, didn't You?
How I yearned to be home...
For Christmas, New Year and my Mom's Birthday...
I hoped for a miracle that somehow I will be home.

You've heard my prayer
And answered it.
Thank you, Lord!
It is the greatest present among all the present I received...
'To be heard and answered by YOU'

by nie @ 23 Dec 2004

----

Hope that stays strong
Eventhough it seems that nothing is possible
Is like a seed that suceed to grow and bloom
Eventhough rains, winds and storms disturbed.

by nie @ 23 Dec 2004

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Blessed...

Long time no posting here... I have been busy going around to eat at different places with different friends for these several days. This is the time when eating once a day is enough *huff...* I actually feel so so full right now. My friends really fed me well, no matter whom I go to. I feel so blessed with that! Thank God for blessing me with all delicious food.
It is like The Lord is helping me to regain my strength to be ready for the exams and the last semester of my Bachelor during this holiday. He knows that I have not been eating properly and much during last semester. Hehehe...

Well, another thing that excites me. There is a possibility of me going home this week! It is a MAD MAD plan really! But! Nothing is impossible! My dad's persistence of me going home this holiday is beyond of what I expected of him. He is trying and trying every way so that I can be home as soon as possible.
And so please pray for me, so that I can get a ticket this season to go home. I miss home so much... I miss the warmth of my family. Oh... I dream of it.

My weekend was... hummm... down and up. Ah... don't bother! It's all over anyway. It was my over-sensitivity that tried to drive me crazy. However, I did have a nice time with my friends on the-end-of-the-year party. I had a good time cooking. I did not eat much, but I had the feeling of satisfication when people enjoyed them as much as I enjoyed making them.

Oh Lord, how thankful I am...
To know that there are around me people love me dearly...
And how much more I can say...
Cause You love me above all those.
You carry me in Your warm arms, which strong enough to pick me up when I fall.
You watch over me and be the closest one to me.
I am loved...
No matter the wrong I've done, Your love is unchanged.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Almost Christmas...

Ahhh... finally the holiday is here! Oh well, this week, I haven't got much to do really. I feel so relax... Thank God that project has finished!
What left are 3 exams on 12th, 17th and 18th of January 2005 (next year!) and the final marks for them all (3 exams and the project). I am hoping and trying my best to get as good as it possibly can. That's all I can do really.
Right now, there is no plan yet what I am going to do for Christmas and New Year's Eve in particular. My friends and I are having a 'end of year' dinner together at one of my friends' place this Saturday. I am planning to cook Soto Ayam for them. *Well, I was thinking about making Gulai Kambing, but then... not all people like lamb. So I thought it's better to stay general. Chicken, most people eat it, I won't have any problem with that.*
Then, on Sunday, I am going to my church's Christmas Carol. Hopefully, I'll have fun. I had finished giving all the Christmas presents today (since most of my friends will be going home and I won't see them until the exam time.) and I got a pair of blue gloves from one of my friends as my Christmas present. Very nice and soft... She knew that my gloves are wearing out now. Hehehe...

The town has become so crowded with people rushing off to buy Christmas presents for their families and friends. That won't stop until 23 December 2004, because that's the last day all the shops are open anyway.
Today was a rainy day, eventhough, it was not that cold. Looks like the real winter has arrived (that's Liverpool's winter anyway!), I will have to deal with rains and strong winds all day. But... that's okay. I prefer it a bit colder than hot sweaty weather, since my skin is best under colder weather.

When I accompanied my Singaporean friend, Zu, to go to town today, we had a conversation that sticks to my mind until now. It was about parents and children' relationships. We were standing in front of a stationary shop, eating ice cream 'again' and looking at a mother with her friend's and her son in a pram.
It started off when I said how mothers in Western country don't carry/cuddle (menggendong) their children at all. They prefer to buy prams and put their babies and children in the prams rather than carrying them in their arms. And it's like... The children get their warmth from being in the prams rather than from their mothers/fathers.
And then, Zu said: "Yeah... that's why they don't have a strong relationship between them."
I thought, "Yes! That is so true. I recalled how my mum said many times: 'If I could, I would carry you always in my arms.'"
I said: "Well, I am sure you've heard how parents here scold their children... isn't it astonishing?!".
She answered: "That's why the children have no respect on their parents. They act the same way like their parents; the way the parents don't respect the children, it's the same way around from the children to the parents." I nodded. I totally agreed with that. The way the parents shout at their children and all those rubish words in front of public... Oh, I've seen that many times.
I went on: "Then, let's take it as a lesson for us as mothers-to-be. I'm sure it is a very useful knowledge for us in the future."
And we had some laughs and jokes on what I was saying *grins*...
By that time, we finished eating our ice cream and we went in to the shop. The conversation ceased, but sticks in mind.
That was my day...

Another thing happened.
Another lesson learned.
It might not be for the present time.
But surely will be useful in the future.
Keep your eyes open and look around.
Lots of things to learn about and keep them all in your mind.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

One Day in The Chocolate Shop

As I was trying to sit on one of the high chairs, one lady stared at me... "Odd... in a weather as cold as this, this Asian girl is eating a cone of ice cream?!", that's probably what she thought of me, since she didn't stop staring at me until the time she left the shop.
I have been carving for an ice cream several days, and so, I had an ice cream. I felt a bit misplaced by the way she stared at me, but the feeling quickly faded and replaced by a thought of many things as I stared out of the window...

The shop is located in the middle between a train station and a big shopping centre. It serves some hot beverages, cakes, ice creams and chocolates. Whether people wants to just enjoy something warm or pop in for a gift (chocolate is handy for a gift, you know.), it is there to satisfy its customers with nice and friendly staffs. However, it was not that which fascinated me.

I saw people...

I saw couples holding hands and often kissing lightly. They looked happy, but... do they really have the feeling of appreciation having their partner close to them? Or is it just lust? Well, they might not know how it feels to be far away from each other and being unreachable easily. "Never mind, I was just wondering", I said to myself.

I saw a daughter hugging her mum, who just arrived into this town to visit her daughter. They looked happy, I sensed and saw it on their faces. The wide smiles and the emotions flowed through when they hugged. My feelings mingled... tears almost came unwelcomely. The scene I saw, potrayed an important relationship between mother and her child. Without any command, my brain brought back the memory regarding my mother... I missed her and wished her to be close to me. "One day you'll see her again and be close to her everyday, don't worry...", I mumbled.

I saw a business in that area... people were talking and chatting about Christmas is coming. Many were holding plastic bags; small and big. They were probably Christmas presents. Do they know the true meaning of Christmas? Or has it became merely a time of buying and getting Christmas present; expecting things that you really wanted on the Christmas day? They possibly got 'eaten' by the media and all the advertisements around them. Yes, nowadays, the time like Easter and Christmas has became the time of the year where all those big industries and shops get the most of their profits. Have humans become insane? Buy, buy and buy... It is the only thing they tell you to do. We try to earn money and it is not easy. Getting a job has become harder than ever before. But... the world seems okay with that, what can I say?!

I also saw some nuns going in the direction to the station. Ah... my soul wanted to fly home. It may seemed so unrelated, but to me, that how I interpreted what those nuns were doing. Christmas... How nice to be at home during this time. Eventhough, it may not feel Christmassy there as much as it is here... "The time will come soon..." I whispered to myself.

And as I was finishing of my ice cream and stopping myself from wondering further away, I heard a song slowly came up on the speakers they had in the shops...
"And so this is Christmas and what have you done? Another year over, a new one just begun. And so this is Christmas... I hope you have fun..."

Oh well, it was just one day in the chocolate shop...
It's a song by John Lennon, by the way, in case any of you don't know.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Rest and Relax

Fiuhhh... Life seems to be more relaxed now...
After the hard and busy weeks; Running here and there, thinking there are not enough time to do everything that I have to do, and not forgetting how I always dreamt about assignments and other homeworks every single night. Now I have time to sit and actually do nothing (read: bengong) *huhuhu...*
Yep yep... the project is finished now. And the last homeworks were due this week, so next week there will be no homeworks. Some lectures have already finished, so then I don't spend as much time as usual in Uni. It is good, though, I can rest now. All left is the tiredness; I feel exhausted after all of those hard works. Hopefully, it will pay off with good marks. *grins*

Tomorrow, I am going to the cinema with two of my friends, to watch The Incredibles. I didn't watch Bridget Jone's Diary 2, since I didn't have time and my other friends have watched it. So, I thought, it's better to watch The Incredibles.
Next week is the last week of term (or the last week of teaching for this semester, I can say). Then, I will have 3 weeks holiday to rest and revise, yes, revise! On 10th January 2005, the exam weeks start for the duration of 2 weeks. I have 3 exams this semester. My first exam is on 12th Jan, then on 17th and the last one is on 18th. Oh well... I will be staying up late and getting all the materials in to my brain, that's for sure. Hahaha...

*Sigh* Few more weeks and this year finishes, new year will start. How fast is that?! Then after exam, I will be having my last semester for being undergraduate. It is really unbeliable fast... I thought I only arrived here, yesterday as a first year student. Oh well, never mind... I shall be thinking about going home and get excited over it. July... Soon, it will come.

Anyhow, have a blessed weekend everyone! God bless each one of you!
*Cheers!*

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

What Did I Do Today?

Today, I went to Uni thinking that I have a lecture at 10 a.m as usual. Fighting with my sleepiness, I went there on-time and what I found?! No lecture!
Oh well... It is rather annoying. I knew that the course is finished but I was hoping that the lecturer will give us revision, but nope, he didn't.

Afterwards, I went to the library to borrow a book. I ended up have to reserve the book since all of the books of the same title are on loan. Then I went to Blackwell's bookshop just to wander around. Drawing near to the cards section, it came to think about my Mom.

It is my habit to send cards on everyone's birthday in my family. And yes, my Mom's birthday is coming near, 2 days after the New Year's Eve. I almost forgot that since I was so busy with everything in Uni. Thank God, He reminded me. Then, I was confused when calculating how old she would be next year... hahaha... I am doing Maths but I couldn't count *silly me*
Ah... years really go quickly...

However, I couldn't find any nice card for my Mom in the bookshop. When it comes to card, I can become very very picky. So, I went to Asda to buy some rice since I am running out of rice. There, they have cards as well. And I got some choices... but I finally made my decision.
Ah... I am relieved that I remember it today, so I can send it on-time and not on a rush.
Okay, that's all for now.

God bless everyone! *Cheers*

Monday, December 06, 2004

Deeply Touched...

Oh... I feel so relieved now...
I have passed the presentation. It went very well eventhough I was actually feeling awfully awful a couple of hours before the presentation.
Thanks to my family and my friends, who had given me their continuous supports throughout the day and also every day.
Especially my family; my Mom & Dad, also my brother. They were so great... Eventhough they are miles away from me, but I could actually feel the support they were giving me every second of the time. They prayed, they encouraged, they convinced me that I can do it WITH GOD!

Thank you, Lord, for giving me a great family! I am so so thankful for them and thankful for Your guidance throughout the presentation. I know, Lord, that without Your Presence there, I would not bear a minute standing in front of those lecturers and my friends. Thank you so much! May Your Name be glorified through the works that You give me the opportunity to do it.
Amen.


"I care deeply about you.
I pray for you constantly.
I think of you all throughout my day.
I believe in you.
I trust you.
JUST A REMINDER.
I'll always be here for you.
I want GOD'S very best for you.
I have a special place in my heart for you.
I thank GOD for you.
Amin."
-Mom-

My Mom sent this 30 minutes before the presentation begun. How could I not cry? I was... deeply touched. Thank you, Mom, Dad and Win!
I am so greatful of you!

Thanks, too, for my friends; Sarah and Zu! For being there and supporting me! I am grateful to have you guys as my friends!
Not forgetting also Inoki & Ce Ria, thank you yahhh for the encouragement! ^^

Saturday, December 04, 2004

On My Thoughts...

Panah Asmara
By. Chrisye feat. Tohpati

Berdebar rasa didada setiap kau tatap mataku
Apakah arti pandangan itu menunjukkan hasratmu

Sungguh aku t'lah tergoda saat kau dekat denganku
Hanya kau yang membuatku begini
Melepas panah asmara

Reff:
Sudah katakan cinta sudah kubilang sayang
Namun kau hanya diam tersenyum padaku
Kau buat aku bimbang
Kau buat aku gelisah
Ingin rasanya kau jadi milikku

Ku akan setia menanti satu kata yang terucap
Dari isi hati sanubarimu yang membuatku bahagia

Sungguh aku t'lah tergoda saat kau dekat denganku
Hanya kau yang membuatku begini
Melepas panah asmara



Dari pertama kali aku denger lagu ini, aku langsung merenung sejenak akan masa lalu dan tersenyum...
Kenangan indah itu...

-----

So... my life...
I have been extremely busy last week and I am going to be busy again this week...

Oh God...
I can't wait for 17 December any longer...
My holiday, my rest...
The time I stop to do all that I have to do for a while...

Monday, 6th December 2004:
1. All day: Ipone's Birthday - *Happy Birthday, Pone!*

2. 3 p.m. : Room 103 Maths & Oceanography Building - 25 minutes presentation on

"Study of Optimal Immunization Policies for a Deterministic Epidemic Model" by...

ME. *Arrgghhhh...* (Hopefully, I am alive enough to do it as good as possible.)

Friday, December 03, 2004

Home...

Friday is coming...
The words are out on the streets...
"I am going home this weekend! I can't wait!"
And the conversation goes on...
From one person to another...

All I can do is listening to their excitement...
"I want to go home, too..."
I whisper quietly in my heart...
I wish I can...
I wish my home is just like their homes...
A home that can be reached easily during the weekends by trains or coaches...

"Soon, your turn will come and you will know the true meaning of being home more than they do..."
I comfort myself...
'Yes, being home for me will mean different for them.'
Not just merely for saving my own money by asking my parents to buy my grocery and bringing it back with me on Sunday.
Not just to ask my Mum to cook food for me then freeze it for a long term saving, so that I can save the hassle of cooking for myself.
No... It is not the same!

Being home...
Is to enjoy and appreciate that I have the best Mom in the world with no one to compare the taste of her cooking.
Is to share the time together; happiness and laughters will follow.
Is to live the love of my family.
The presence of each person is important, I found that each time I am home.

Christmas holiday is coming...
The words are out on the streets...
"I can't wait 'til Christmas comes! Three weeks holiday, I will be at home. Don't need to do my laundry by myself, don't need to cook, don't need to study until the last week of the holiday."
And the conversation goes on...
From one person to another...

All I can do is listening to their excitement...