itty bitty May

Huff! Can believe that May is almost over... this year has gone like a blur! Life's been upside down for me this month. I think I am literally going more and more insane (i.e., I was already insane, just becoming worse!).
Honestly, I think I am going down the hills. It's a TOUGH month, May is. It throws me out of the league, I feel.

I got my paper rejected for the second time, so that's my hope of going to Paris in September gone out of the window. Why? Simply because 2 out of the 3 anonymous reviewers did not like our 'Logics'. Ack! When you spent so much time investing and sweating over a paper, blood and sweat and your sanity, a rejection is never good.
Nope, I did not cry. Did not feel sad. Did not panic. It was Lan and my mother going heads over heels. Not me... I was more... discouraged, I'd say. It kills my buzz. It takes away all that's in me to finish this race. Much more fatal and scary than the panic and the sadness. It makes me struggle. Badly.
I am tempted to ask for help, but from whom? Only God can help me. And myself, of course. I need to fix myself. Only 6 months left and, yet, it feels like a never-ending road with scorching heat of the sun and me, the thirsty person, whom has her destination at the 'end' of that road.
My life must have been crazy.

That. Plus the false positive. What could be worse, right?!
I am shifting my priorities. I can feel it. I dare to say I can give up this 3 years worth of study for a baby, our baby. And the more everyone says, 'It's not time yet.' 'Be patient.' 'You have to wait.' The more impatient I am.
Face it. I am a super stubborn human being. I fought for what I want since I was 15, so do you think it's so easy to make me back down?! Uh oh. Nope.
But yeah... giving up is against my principles. That's the reason why I am still sane enough to be insane to continue and finish this 'race'.

Life o life.
June will be better. It will be.

God knows it will.


  1. Yup Nie..tetep berusaha terus yak... pasti bisa! ciayouuuu nie :) iya nih, udah 1/2 taon lewat nih.. wuaaah cepet amat yak.. :)

  2. amen , semoga juni ini semuanya menjadi lebih baik say .. tetep yakin ya .. GBU darl ...

  3. God knows what's the best for us...
    emang kadang berasa susah, tapi pasti itu yang terbaik... momentnya aja belum tepat ya...

    sabar2 ya.. usaha terus... dan berdoa terus... :)

  4. *peluk Sherly*
    Mungkin kamu harus pergi liburan untuk sesaat, Sher. Beneran liburan, ya. Kalau bisa sih jangan banyak aktivitas lihat ini-itu. Tapi untuk relaksasi. Kalau bisa ditambah sama pijat lagi. Mungkin itu yang kamu butuhkan untuk bisa merasa segar kembali dan bisa memulai lagi untuk menuntaskan perjuangan kamu.

  5. tetap semangat NIe . jangan menyerah !
    yes June will be better

  6. Sher, kalo disertasi S3 misal direject paper-nya terus harus mulai dari awal lagi (incl. topic) atau hanya revisi at certain parts? If you have to start all over again that sounds like a lot of work, I would've been devastated too. But you know what they say, keep your eyes on the prize! Semangat yah sis

  7. Sheilla: Paper itu bukan thesis (disertasi). Paper itu untuk disubmit plus dipresentasi di (international) conference. Nah bagian dari paper itu nanti masuk ke thesis.
    Ya kalo direject papernya sama conference-nya, ya harus ditata ulang, kadang ditulis ulang. Plus ditambah ini itu... stressnya aduh mak...
    Kalo thesis masih bisa lebih santai. Karena memang masih ada waktu untuk tulis thesis.

  8. *big warm hugs* for you Sher. Tetep semangat yah, as i know you are the type of people who always try her best to reach the goal. :-)
    Surrender every single burden to God Sher, I know it's not easy, but when you do, He will lift up all these burdens and make you whole again.
    And June will be much better... that's for sure.

  9. emang sutris sih kalo berurusan ama paper2 itu sher, tetap berusaha ya sher, pasti bisa kok! :D
    semoga juni lebih baik, gua juga kebat kebit di bulan ini :)

  10. you're gonna be okay , just hang in there !!


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