Monday, March 23, 2009

Enhancing our marriage

As soon as I returned home, I asked Lan kindly to read along with me a book titled "Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman. It started when Daddy Timotius Arifin gave a sermon about Love and he mentioned this book, I searched for it but found no luck in Indonesia. They were all sold out! However, thanks a million to Lita & Santo for such a precious gift for us. It is a great book! We are blessed that we are given the opportunity to discover truths from this book to make our marriage better; to understand each other deeper.
The book talks about, as you know from the title, 5 Love Languages. Many of us, including both of us, often 'talk' of our own love language to our spouse, whereas our spouse's language might not be the same one as ours. Hence, this book helps Lan and I to learn about our love languages and how we can speak each other's love language(s) appropriately. This way, we keep each other's LOVE TANK full! :)

  1. The first one is Words of Affirmation.
    Lan & I discovered that this is Lan's primary love language. He loves it when I praise, encourage and say positive things towards and about him. It brings out his confidence, it makes him happy and above all, it makes him feel I love him.
    There were times when I said mean things and negative things, which turned to a huge fight! Now that I know that what I say is very important to him, I will careful watch the words that come out of me.
    Above all, I want him to know that I love him always, right? :)
  2. Quality time...
    Is my primary love language! Yes, I recall the time where I beg Lan would give me his undivided attention! I love it when we talk, giggle, tease each other, spend time going out together. I love it!
    I hated it when I talked to him and he is just answering while focusing on his laptop! Hence, Lan starts to learn to give me his undivided attention, and I am so very HAPPY! :)
  3. Who likes Receiving Gifts?
    That is also one of the 5 love languages. For both of us, this language is not really relevant, although we both appreciate the gifts from each other, the thoughts inside it. However, given many gifts cannot compare to the quality time Lan gives me and the words of affirmation I give to Lan. :)
  4. Acts of Service
    By all means, helping with the chores around the house or projects we are busy with or just about helping in any little things... Surprisingly, for both of us, this is our secondary love language! (Yes, we can have more than one love languages!)
    So, discovering this, we try to help each other in things we do. E.g., I just found out that Lan hates doing the laundry, I then don't mind doing the laundry to keep him happy. On the other hand, Lan knows I like our kitchen to be super duper spotless, so he is more careful and try to keep the kitchen clean.
  5. Last but not least, Physical Touch.
    Not necessarily Sexual touch. It can be giving a massage, hugging, kissing, holding his/her hands. This, unexpectedly, is also my primary love language. (A person can be bilingual, right?) I always feel warm when Lan hugs me. With him being near me, I feel secure and loved.

Well, I have reviewed this book according to our experience reading this book and discovering the love languages that we 'speak'. I greatly recommend every couple in this world to read this book! It seems to be a simple and fundamental thing, but it has great effects on our relationship if we really understand the point this book is making.
If you check the WEBSITE, you'll find out there are other editions of this book, which are for teenagers, children, and singles!

12 comments:

  1. betul tuh.. 5 hal itu gak boleh lupa ya... :)

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  2. what a wonderful share...this is the 'take and give' in different form...May JBU all the time...

    pengen cari bukunya nih...smoga disini ada deh ^^

    for ur family...I believe...God is working on something...just keep on your faith yaaa...

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  3. wah gak bilang..aku punya nih sher, bukunya :D

    pantesan laki aku mesra and romantis yak hwahahhaha

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  4. wuaaahh.... begitu ya ternyata... :) kudu inget selalu.. :)

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  5. haha, penting neh kayanya... :) Tapi bukan berarti kelimanya bisa diaplikasikan kan? Soalnya kan ada kemungkinan salah satu bahasa itu gak cocok sama seseorang, wehehehe

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  6. Menarik sharingnya, buat yg ingin hidup kudus dan tetap hangat dalam kasih. hehehe... Soalnya dua yg lainnya: kalo bukan kaku dan dingin penuh aturan, ya liar ngga menghargai hubungan. (yg kerap kebaca sec. umum, Sher!)

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  7. Ah! Ini kayaknya yang dimaksud Micha beberapa waktu yang lalu. Thanks, Sher. Ntar aku catat point-nya, lalu diskusi...
    Sekarang lagi serius baca 3 buku sekaligus (tentang EQ anak, tentang pernikahan, dan tentang apa yang harus dimakan oleh anak), nambah 1 buku kayaknya...hmmm... :-p

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  8. nomr 2 dan nomor 5 donggg

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  9. Hehehe, Sher, udah dibahas, kemarin malam.
    Thanks, ya! :-D

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  10. TFS , sama kayak bebek , no 2 dan 5 , okey bgt ...

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  11. wah kayaknya yg no.1 aku kurang nih.

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  12. Wah Sher, laki gw ga demen baca...trus kalo diomongin juga pasti dia bilang gini : ya kan kamu yang psychologist...jadi kamu aja ngertiin....huaaaa (Dian Ibg)

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