Journey of Happiness

I t's only been days, 4 days to be exact, since Lan's gone. I am coping, not too sad, but way so quiet. I am trying to keep myself eating orderly, which is hard, because sometimes I become too lazy to cook when I don't feel the hunger. *sigh* We keep our communication by a phone call a day. We've got a great offer, GBP10.21 a month for 3000 minutes to call to China. That should be enough for our chatting schedule. It's been very quiet here in the long weekend. Not much going on. Yesterday, I watched Will & Kate's wedding through live streaming on the BBC website. It was beautiful and elegant. I like that Kate was so simple and yet so elegant. I do question why they are so relaxed like that? I was so nervous on my wedding day... lol. My French Schengen application has arrived safely to the embassy. Now it's the wait. I really hope it goes through smoothly and successfully (since there is no reasons for it not to!). Tomorrow I'll be going to ch...

M y heart is half a wreck today. He's up in the air right now heading to Dubai, before flying to Beijing. I cried, he cried. I saw him off, disappeared into the train that took him to Manchester Airport. And I waited, I saw the train slowly heading away from me. And there he went... I tired myself today. Walked around town, bought a few essential stuffs and ended up watching Rio 3D. It is a great movie! I love it! It'd be more lovely if I watched it with you, honey... *sigh* I cried at the happy ending. My heart aches like I can't describe it. And now, the wait... until the 1st of June.

T hat's how long I've got until Lan goes on the train that takes him To Manchester Airport. He doesn't want me to go with him to the Airport, he said it's too hard to bear, too hard not to cry... That's my guy, that's my husband, tough and strong but has such a tender heart. I've heard him cry when I left for home alone last year and the year before. That's how much he loves me. And that same guy will soon rip apart my heart and take the half with him all the way to Beijing. I think I'll go insane. I think I'll miss him beyond words. My sweet guy, what am I gonna do? He's been making sure that things are prepared for me. He loaded the fridge, enough for me to survive 2 weeks at least. He made sure the electricity meter is loaded so that I won't be without power. He'll clean the carpet tomorrow for me. My sweet guy. I've been spending most of my time with him, instead of the computer, but I can't get enough. This is going...

T oday, I've sent my application for the French Schengen visa via post. It should arrive there either Saturday or Tuesday next week *oh my dear Easter long weekend...* Lan and I feel much more relieved and making our Paris plan feel even more real and closer to a reality. I really hope I get this visa. Paris, one of the dream places in this world that I'd love to visit, it's actually in the number ONE position right now. We're coming, Paris, in July. Please let us come. On another hand, in less than 6 days Lan will be gone. I can't go, because I still have counselling therapies to go to as well as applying for the French Schengen visa means that I don't have my passport with me. On top of that, Lan goes home for a lot of important things to do; extend his visa, buy some flight tickets, look for an apartment for us to live in September, look out for a job and health check up, etc. I'll be here, resting myself and making peace with myself about withdrawing ...

L an is going home to Beijing alone and I will be here by myself until 1st June. He is so happy and excited and here I am dreading the days I will spend alone... I don't how I will cope, I don't know how I will manage. I realised how much independence marriage has stripped away from me, I am so dependent on Lan, he is like the left side of my body, he is the air I breathe. Sadly, I won't be going to Holland at all due to the long queue for the visa appointments until the middle of May, which is the time I won't to get going. Anyway, I will stay and hopefully will spend more time with a few friends of mine, as well as scrapbooking to my heart's content. Tomorrow, we are going to the beach in Crosby. It's going to be a good day, I really hope we have a great time there and just have the moment together, nice memories and lots of pictures. For me to smile at when he's not here... All his stuffs are packed. By me. LOL! I really pray he goes and comes back ...

L ately, I've just realised that all these years my life has been very much restricted. Living as a student is not always a good thing... I have always want to travel around, to see the country I am currently living in, to visit Europe, which is just around the 'neighborhood'. But, I never got to do that. There was always something that stopped from making the step; the money, the time, the VISA, et cetera. So, we're making a plan ahead... for the few months left here, I hope to get to see Europe for a bit. I am in the process of planning a trip to Netherlands, alone, while Lan is at home in Beijing to do some necessary stuffs. I really hope it does come true. And then the trip to Paris in July, after Lan's graduation. Heavenly Father, please hear my prayers and let the visa applications go smoothly. Amen.