Sunday, August 27, 2006

Trying to relax

Finally, writing up dissertation is finished. I am waiting for my supervisor's feedback at the moment, so that I can polish it up for the final touch. Time feels so slow and yet so fast...
On one hand, I want it to slow down and give me more time to spend with Lan. On the other... I want to see my family. I can't help but cry if my thoughts come across this. So many 'what if' rise up between us in our conversations that often I have to try hard to hold my tears from rolling down. At least, by doing that, by acting strong, he will be encouraged and his worry will not be added.

The thoughts about the future can be very overwhelming and tiring... So many possibilities and yet so many uncertainties. All I can do and all I WANT to do is to lay my future and his down in Jesus' hands. I know, for sure, He has the best plans for both of us... and whatever happens; whatever comes in front of us, at the end of the day, I will confidently say, "It was worth going through it."

Right now, I don't have much time to spend with Lan, 9 days until 5th September 2006. And he has much more important thing to do; writing up his dissertation. It was hard, telling him to go home, telling him that he should set his first priority to that, when my heart tells different thing; wanting him to stay. But, I will not regret doing that... because I feel that is the right thing to do.
I, now, realize love can be very selfish and self-centered and it can also be very selfless that the person will sacrifice everything else for love's sake. I... want to learn to be in the middle of it; let him do whatever is more important for him and open my arms to hug him when he needs me. It is so difficult to do that... but that's how it should be.

Umm... why do I become so mellow when I am writing this post? I was planning to write something cheerful to tell you guys that I am back now. I'll be going around saying 'hi' to you in your blogs. So, wait for me!
These several days,
I want to look strong, so that when you see me, you feel that you are strenghtened.
I want to smile, so that, for the days we are apart, you will only remember the happy me.
And...
I don't want to say 'goodbye', because I want you to know...
I will be waiting, like you tell me to,
I am having the faith that it will be a happy-ending for us.

nie, 27 August 2006.

19 comments:

  1. huhu...
    desertation...

    hix..

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  2. ehem...ehem!....melow yooooo... :p

    kabarku baek2 d sini, Sher! ;) sehaaaattt...

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  3. Jangan terlalu mengedepankan perasaan, he3... :)

    Skripsi?? Masih alam nih, lagi OSPEK, menyebalkan.

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  4. ooo...ternyata...lagi desertasi toh nie....wah...rasanya aku juga bakalan mengikuti jejakmu saudariku...tunggu aku yach :)

    Welcome back dear *hugs*

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  5. huhuhu...jadi pengen nangis baca postingannya...
    yang kuat ya sher! He is preparing the best plan for both of u

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  6. moga aja semua ada pemecahannya, biar jauhan tapi kalo udah jodo pasti juga bersama lagi.
    btw, kalo merit boleh nyewa fotografer londo aka misuaku, hehe...

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  7. asik dah kembali... nunggu dikunjungi bow!
    kangen niy...

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  8. yg sabar yaa.. :D
    btw, kok aku gak isa isi shoutboxnya ya?

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  9. iya berserah aja sher, Tuhan tau yg terbaik buat kamu..

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  10. Nie, dulu pernah saat aku sedang marah, sedih dan bingung, ada seorang seniorku (kakek guru, begitu aku nyebutnya) sambil tersenyum berkata padaku,"Since, itu hanya soal waktu".

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  11. Waw, sher yang kuat ya.. jgn lupa berdoa okay.. coz that'll be your strength...

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  12. Shier, welcome back...

    jadi ikutan melow baca postinganmu...

    Sabar Shier, segala sesuatu ada waktunya :)

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  13. Nie..
    Sebentar lagi ya pulang ke Indo..
    Terasa banget sedihnya kamu, sampe aku jadi ikut sedih..
    But.. Percaya aja, pasti ada jalan yang baik untuk kalian berdua.
    Waktu akan berbicara apa yang terbaik untuk kalian berdua.

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  14. Kabarku baek Sher, pa lagi mualnya dah jauh berkurang :).

    Yang sabar ya sist, keep strong. Emang diawal terasa berat tp mudah²an nanti bisa menikmatinya bersama :D.

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  15. waaa...
    good luck buat desertationnya yaa...

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  16. wah akhirnya desertasi km slesai juga
    congratz yaa :)

    huhu kan balik lg toh?
    ktanya Lan mw nyusul k indo?
    hehehe sabar cm jauhan bentar kan?

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  17. Tenang tenang tenang itu biasa dalam soal percintaan Sher, semakin lama berpisah biasanya membuat rindu semakin membarah,, eeehh pas ketemu rasanya ngga mau berpisah lagi untuk selamanya ;)... Serahkan dan terus berdoa Sher, Tuhan Yesus memberkati cinta tulus kalian berdua...Puisi-nya gemesin dehhh :)

    XXX Shierly
    http://www.freewebs.com/shierlynet/homepage.html

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  18. Does giving-thanks to God make us strong? If the answer is true, may be it's a right time to practise.. Think positive, dear! :-)

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  19. Udah lega dong Sher dah kelar semua disertasi-nya. Duh Sher jangan sedih dunks, nothing beats true love, percaya deh.

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