Thursday, September 27, 2007

Leaving the single life

Entering the marriage life is never easy, especially after the 'wedding fever' is over, honeymoon is done and life returns to the daily routines, where fights start to occur and not rarely the couple starts to think "Did I marry the right person?"
The 'experienced' people often say that the first few years of your marriage is critical and, yes, I agree to them. It is the 'shocking' time *if you wish to call it that way* of knowing the very trueself of your husband/wife, that includes all the bad and worst habits, which you never found when you both were still in the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

In my personal experience, after several months of marriage, we had arguments sometimes and that, I think, is not a strange thing. However, what we (Lan & I) realise is that the arguments or the fights are not caused by mistakes, but by our single life's habits. I remember my husband said to me, we are not robots, we cannot change the habits we had for 20-or-more years just in one day. And that applies to EVERYBODY. Thus, rather than calling the first few years of marriage as a shocking time, I'd prefer to call it the ADAPTATION period of marriage. If you are asking for an example, here is one...


Before the marriage, my husband used to watch TV to release his stress, everytime he got home from work and he carried that habit into our marriage lives. I got mad... simply because he has been away for the whole day, we both were busy doing our works and, yet afterwards, he spends his remaining time sitting in front of the TV.
What do I want? I want time to talk with him, I want to know how was his day. In one word, communication. However, somehow, he just did not think it is important! And so I got mad.

After we talked it through, *after some arguments though*, we realised that both of us were wrong. I was wrong for being mad and not knowing that it was his 'single life' habit. He was wrong for not thinking it through and thought that the TV was his only stress-relief, when he can actually talk to me and spend some quality time to communicate with me.

And so we both learnt.



Leaving single life is never easy... Sometimes it gives the feeling that you are not free anymore and restricted, but, hey, I am sure when you were proposed you yourself said 'I Do!'. So, live with the consquences. To me, I am not losing my freedom, it is just we have to view our world in a different angle that now we have someone to live our lives with together and forever.

To those, who are still in their single lives, don't think of this as a scary thing that will haunt you when you get married, but take it as a fun thing that you will only be able to do when you are married. :) Of course, knowing your beloved husband/wife deeper and better is a good thing right?

Remember, nobody is perfect, so everybody needs time to polish their lives to be better.

God bless you, friends! I hope my sharing is useful.

19 comments:

  1. what a beautiful entry!! ha3.... :)

    it's gonnabe a lesson for me.... lol. Marriage ain't easy...

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  2. Hihihihi... wah... Sherly udah dewasa ternyata :D
    Sher, cuma mo bilang, saat masalah dan ketidak-puasan datang, jangan cepat berpikir "Did I marry the right person?", itu cuman makin memperburuk perasaanmu saja. Buang pikiran itu jauh2. Atau pikiran itu akan meracuni kamu perlahan-lahan.

    Selamat menikmati masa adaptasi ya ;)

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  3. *manggut²*
    dalem kamu ya sher,hihihi..smoga lancar deh ya adaptasi sama sang suami..

    pokoknya klo gi berargument,ingetin aja enaknya peace after war,hahaha..

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  4. yg penting kompromi. meski kadang aku malas kompromi hwhehehehe...tadi malam aku pengen banget makan ikan asin ama sambal ulek. lakiku tentu saja gak suka, gak sehat ktnya. and....akhirnya aku cuwek masak buat sendiri haiyaaa...

    eh tapi bener ya, waktu masih pacaran kita gak begitu tau kebiasaan masing2x.

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  5. always usefull, sher. :)
    jd inget masa2 adaptasi.
    tp skrg pun.. msh tetep ngadeptasi. :)

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  6. Sherly Congratulation yaaa, semoga bahagia sampai kakek nenek.

    Well, ummi yg udah 8 tahun ajah masih terus bertenggang rasa kok, jadi semangat, jia yo, ganbate ne, go sherly go....

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  7. Say, lagi dalam masa beradaptasi, ya? Denger2, masa2 tersebut kira2 5 tahunan gitu. Ups.. nakut2in aja, deh, gue. :-D Becanda, koq. Itu tergantung masing2.

    Dan ngomongin soal yg gini2, saya jadi inget omongannya Tamara Geraldin di tipi (lupa, stasiun tv yg mana): "Kecocokan itu dibikin."

    So, berminatlah untuk saling mencocokkan keinginan. Jadi bukannya nasib2an lagi, nunggu cocok atau ngga-nya. (doi membandingkan kehidupan rumah-tangganya para seleb yg gitu, deh...)

    Masukan kecil aja, karena saya sendiri blom pernah ngerasain jadi istri tuh kayak gimana. hihihi...

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  8. heheheee... ya begitulah cewek, aku dah g heran, secara aku jg pernah ngalamin. Cewek tuh butuh perhatian, perlu sharing, komunikasi.

    Namun cowok sendiri cenderung suka mentingin ego, ada waktu mereka tidak mau diganggu bahkan ama istrinya sekalipun.

    ya klo saling gmau ngalah pasti bentrok makanya mesti ada salah satu yg ngalah.

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  9. Jujur, ya, kalu soal adaptasi kebiasaan itu masih mending, kompromi gampang dilakukan selama dikomunikasikan dari hati-ke-hati (caranya sih terserah, sambil bertengkar juga nda apa-apa :D). Hanya perlu sedikit berhati-hati saja di teknik komunikasinya karena itu nantinya bakal jadi kebiasaan berumahtangga juga dalam urusan "adaptasi" ini.

    Yang menakutkan itu justru kalau sudah ada "pihak ketiga" nanti. "Pihak ketiga" ini senantiasa jadi isu utama dalam perselisihan rumah tangga. Mulai dari siapa yang harusnya bertanggungjawab mengurus sampai manajemen waktu untuk keluarga dan kerja karena tiba-tiba saja 24 jam sehari itu terasa sangat terbatas dan tidak manusiawi, dll. Itulah pihak ketiga yang namanya: anak. :D Hehehe lagi-lagi deh saya. :D

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  10. Sher...suatu hari nanti, ada kebiasaan suami/istri yang akan diterima begitu saja oleh pasangannya, ga dibicarakan lagi. Dan, menurut uztad yg ngasi ceramah pas aku kawinan, adaptasi dalam pernikahan berlangsung seumur hidup. jadi tenang aja ya.... masih banyak waktu :-)

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  11. hahah. tapi pendapatku ttg sis sherly marah pas suaminya malah nonton tipi bukannya ngobrol kayaknya emang berhak marah deh.

    coba aja bayangin digituin terus,, tar lama-lama malah asik sendiri2

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  12. Welcome to the real world.
    Semoga masa adaptasi berjalan lancar. Nikmati dan jalani dengan senyum Sher..., saling percaya dan bekerja sama maka semuanya akan mudah dijalani.

    Hidup dengan belahan jiwa itu indah kok... percaya deh

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  13. he he he... Postingan kali ini bagus banget Sher :-)... emang begitu tuh kalo 2 insan dipersatukan, 2 karakter, 2 kemauan, 2 kebiasaan yang berbeda... katenya kalo uda lewat 2 taon biasanya uda bener bener saling mengenal..."Kate orang sih".... itu die tuh yang namenya two in one kali ye :)... sukses say. Komunikasi kunci segala galanya. ngga seneng, seneng, kesel, benci, bahagia... ceritakan semuanya buat dia.

    XXX Shierly
    http://www.freewebs.com/shierlynet/homepage.html

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  14. dunno y gw gak bs posting di SB loe sher - hi sher pa kbr?sori dah lama gak mampir nih, well in early years of marriage lots of arguments n disagreements, but as my pastor said merit itu bkn mencari kebahagiaan becoz many people akan kecewa, but merit itu untuk memberi kebahagiaan... u TC n GBU! SunnyDay

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  15. stuju sama juju.. ahhahahaha..

    slamet menikmati sad-mad-happy-laugh-joy bareng suami ya sher..

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  16. nice posting kak!

    Laki-laki dan perempuan itu memang berbeda. Dan itulah alasannya Tuhan menyatukanya. :)

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  17. cayo!!!! semangat yah...aku jg dah hampir 7taon, msh suka ribut kok, lah gmn, orang beda kepala ya beda pemikirannya yah!!!
    slm kenal yah tukeran link yuk

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  18. nah nah nah, mulai mengembara ke dunia baru bernama pernikahan. Welcome to the Club ya Sher! :D

    yang namanya enak nggak enak pasti ada. satu kata kunci ajaib yang kudu sering2 diinget: komunikasi. (cieeeeh, kayak aku udah yang paling keren aja komunikasinya sama suamiku, hahahahaha)

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  19. suami harus disayang, jgn dibanting2 hehehehe


    btw cape deh ngisi shoutbox lu...hiks

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