Journey of Happiness

I n 3 days, Lan and I will celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary! WOW! 4th year already! I am ecstatic! I am all the more excited in spending all the years to come with him... Over the years, our relationship gets easier. We understand each other better, compromise easier and we definitely are involved in a lot LESS and a lot SHORTER fights. It does take time to adjust from single life into a marriage life, indeed, but it definitly is better when both parties are willing to live the adjustments. And I am glad that we both are willing. We plan to just celebrate it with a simple dinner, because we're going to Paris in 3 weeks! YAY! Lan has got his Schengen visa yesterday (a very much shorter time to kill compared to mine!), we've bought our disneyland tickets today and we've planned our time there already. Suitcase is half-packed. I just can't wait!!! *wheeee!* In the mean time, we're packing and sending stuffs to Beijing like crazy!

I can't believe we only have ONE month left before we leave UK for good... I have mixed feelings about this; excited, scared, happy, and sad. It feels like Lan and I are closing this chapter of life and are opening a new and unknown chapter of the future! There are still a LOT of things to be taken care of. Packing and sending stuffs, sorting unnecessary things to be donated, Lan's graduation on the 18th July, our trip to Paris on the 20th and my PhD withdrawal. The last one is the toughest one for me. I am having a hard time to finally make the decision. I mean... I've made it and I am ready to withdraw, but to finally fill the withdrawal form and to be obliged to write a detailed reason, it's difficult to do, especially when I feel guilty for 'suspecting' that I will disappoint my supervisors. Even knowing that this decision is RIGHT for me, does not make it any easier. I guess, I have to do what I have to do, right? July is going to be a crazy busy mon...

T oday, for the first time since March, I drove again! Lan and I rented a car (we got a Ford Focus) and (I) drove to the McArthur Glen Factory Outlet in Cheshire Oaks. First time driving without instructor (since having the UK license). First time driving 70mph on the motorway. Boy I was NERVOUS!!!! We used the free Ovi map on my Nokia phone (Thanks, Mich, for this ;)) I missed a few turns, went on the wrong exit on a roundabout, but we eventually got there safely (and back!) It wasn't an enjoyable drive yet for me. I was trying real hard to make sure I drove properly. But overall, we had fun! Lan shopped lots more than I did. He got a nice pair of Timberland boots, a suit and a few other things :) It was nice to not have to carry our things around, we could just put them in the car booth and start walking again!! Ps. Thanks, honey, for believing in my ability :)

I have never felt so complete like this before. I think, through the visa incident, Lan and I both realised that we love each other more than we think we do and more than ourselves. It's a great wake-up call. :) We are closer than ever and understand each other more than 7 weeks ago. I am so happy, but, gosh, I am so EXHAUSTED!!!! I think all the exhaustion that I tried to keep down during the 7 weeks has finally come up on the surface and affecting my body. I'm sleepy all the time. However, overall, I am still so grateful! Grateful that prayers work, that faith proves that miracles still exist, that *most importantly* God still listens to each and every prayer we say. And as Lan said, "God works in a mysterious way!" Have a great week ahead, friends :)

H e is home. I am happy. He is tired and jetlagged. I am getting more insane-less. We're together again! Thank you, God! :) Have a lovely weekend, people!

I slept less than 3 hours last night, in fact, I only fell asleep this morning at 6am, only to wake up at 8.30am. So I am all tired and my eyes feel like they are swollen, but I FEEL GOOD! I am HAPPY! Got the news that Lan's got his visa at 02.51am. Even better, got the news at 04.24am that he's got a seat on the flight middle of tonight AND will be arriving in Manchester Airport tomorrow (Thursday) at 19.15! Woohoo! All I can say to you, Jesus, is... Thank YOU! I've said it hundreds of times and I will keep saying it for the rest of my life. Thank you for the prayers and support, friends (& family)! You all have helped me knock the Heaven's door. :)

I am still in the 'surreal' phase right now, but I would love love love to share a good news that we have all been waiting for! Got a news that the UK Embassy has finally finished processing Lan's visa and it's now back to the agency. Lan tried to pick it up today, but because he got the news so late, by the time he got to the agency, it was already closed. So, tomorrow morning, he will go there to pick it up. Thank you, Jesus, for answering our prayers! Thank you, everyone, for praying for us earnestly! We will find out tomorrow whether or not he gets the visa and whether it's already valid. If so, he will try to get on the flight back to Liverpool tomorrow night and hoping to arrive on Thursday afternoon or night! I was so happy that I was crying when I heard the news! I'll post about the visa tomorrow. :) Again, thank you, Jesus!

A s Lan was not back yet last week, my adventure on the Saturday with Michel begun again. This time, we went to Llangollen , which nestles within the beautiful Dee Valley in the North East of Wales. It took less time to drive there than Llandudno (the place we went the week before). As before, we went to ASDA first to buy some lunch to be eaten when we get to Llangollen. To me, Llangollen is a cute little town. It has little shops, varying from craft shops, bakery, pastry shop, ice cream parlor, butchers and traditional English tea rooms that look intriguing! It gave the same feeling as when Lan and I went to York last year, which I never got around to write on the blog. :( It's the feeling of what British towns should be. So, we, firstly, explored the town, which is not very big, and paid a visit to the tourist information there to grab some leaflets of the local attractions. It rained hard for awhile, but, praise The Lord, it stopped and from then on, the weather improved and t...

T here's still nothing new on Lan's visa process. I could hear Lan's frustration today when I talked to him on the phone. He's getting really tired of everyone in the family asking how the visa is. He just wants to be home with his family, his own little family, he and I. That's one sweet saying of his today :) I feel as if we are both just going through the cycle of up and down, when I'm down, he's up and encouraging me, when he's down, I'm up and encouraging him. I wonder how long this going to last, because, I know, both of us are getting really weary. However, I'll keep praying, he'll keep praying and I am so very much thankful there are so many people who are praying for us; My parents, Daddy Arifin, Daddy Phillip, Helen & Gary, Alex, Louise, Georgia, Aunt Audrey & Fam, and many more... Yes, I admit that this is so hard to go through and, yes, I'm kind of skeptical at this point, but, I still believe my Father in Heaven h...

T his is a long due post since last week, so since I am feeling a bit happy, I thought it's time to post the adventure I had with Michel last Saturday. :) It was such a beautiful sunny day last Saturday! The perfect Summer day here in the UK, such a rare day, if you know how uncertain the weather here. So, we went on our 4th week day-adventure. We went to Llandudno , a beautiful seaside resort in North Wales. It has a nice bay, pier and summit. When we got there, we went to ASDA (a supermarket) first for toilet and lunch. We figured, it would be cheaper that way. So, after we got our lunch sorted, we went to find a parking spot, which was quite hard, since there were so many people going there! We're lucky that one lady actually went out and we got her spot. We walked to the bay and had our lunch first, while making sure there were no seagulls coming near to steal our food. :p Afterwards, we walked along the bay and the pier. The wind was acceptable and the view was so brea...

T he sign that it's a turning point now? Or the sign that things are looking up from now on? I'd love to say I hope so, but we never know, right? I got a text message from TLScontact on Tuesday, in the middle of my counselling session, that they got my passports back from the French consulate and they were sending it back that day and I'm supposed to expect the parcel to come on Wednesday (yesterday). I stayed the whole day, knowing that the courier will come between 9am - 5pm. I was kind of worried the thing that happened a few weeks ago would repeat. It was 5pm and, YEP, they did NOT come! I was furious. I sent them a complaint e-mail, saying that they are totally unreliable and unprofessional! Seriously... I feel like I never had a good experience using this courier, but I have no choice, because this is the chosen courier used by the French consulate. I got no reply, I tried ringing them, but it was just a waste of time and money since I was kept on the 'queue...

L an's still not here yet and I am emotionally a wreck. It gets harder each passing day. The one thing that I desperately want to hear and have been waiting for what seems ages, that the visa is out and he's heading back to me, I don't know what I'll hear that. I managed last week with shedding no tears, but that probably was wrong, because this week it feels as if my flood gate is broken and I keep crying like crazy until my eyes are super sore. It gets to the point, where I have no words to describe the pain, the hurt, the emotion inside, could tears speak louder than words? Maybe. I know that this is NOT Lan's fault. That if he could choose, he wants nothing of this happened and he would come back as planned. However, it's so hard not to have a scapegoat. It's so hard not to see this as his fault, that he put me through all this... I am so sorry, honey, that I blamed you. I know you're suffering, too, but, when you said you know how I feel, I ho...

B y now you should be here. This home should not be so empty any more. Our bed should not be half empty, without you, any more. You're supposed to be back here by my side by now. But I woke up to an empty dream. That I am still alone and I did not go to the airport to pick you up like I planned it to be. I am fine *not really* and accepting, but reality can be so cold sometime. It's a nice sunny *perfect* day, too, but it's not so perfect any more. Without you.

A BROKEN LAPTOP!!!! *sigh* Oh my dear laptop, why oh why? Last night it threw a fit on me! I think the graphic card is physically broken :( The resolution goes to the lowest and everything on display is wonky and out of place and colors... I tried fixing it using the settings, etc. It's not fixing it. It seems to not recognised the NVidia graphic card installed :( Is all that I am going through right now not enough?! Lan's still not back and I don't know when he's coming back now... On top of that he's sick. Oh, Jesus... I surrender all.