Thursday, September 30, 2004

My Inside Thoughts...

For the past several days, I have been having rough feelings inside myself... I don't know what was and is still going on in my life nowadays, but it seems that nothing works the way it supposed to be.
If I review everything for the day I left home in July, nothing has been easy on me. I feel like everything that I am doing or everything around me is just draining all of the energy I have (or even the energy I am trying to have.). I am annoyed... feel very annoyed and worried. The peak was 2 days ago, the webcam on my laptop did not work... Or rather... it worked but it only showed a black page. I panicked and from that time on, I can't handle all the frustation that I have been trying to deal within myself...
Probably... it is not really about my webcam being broke, since I can still use my computer now (after I have to format the Windows twice, since in the first format *I don't know how* the computer got a trojan virus. That's why I reformat it.). Luckily enough, all my working files, mp3s are in a different drive, so I did not lose any of my beloved and highly important files. It is about the frustation that is inside of me... And all I can do is burst in to tears *well... I prefer to cry rather than yelling out loud, making all the people in the coridor wonder what is happening to me*
I wanted to cry... but I never cried until the time I talked about what has happened to my computer to my Mum, yesterday. I guessed, it was just the right time for me to let go the frustation. Part of me does still feel I am so childish to do what I did yesterday; crying. However, part of me says it is the right thing and an okay thing to do; it is a relieve.
Today, I feel lighter and comfortable with whatever has happened; starting to accept and digest all the lessons behind it. It is like... I can cope now... That there will be a solution to it.
It is amazing that my Mum actually could feel that I was crying yesterday without me telling her that I was crying. She feels what I feel... That is how brilliant a Mum can be... I wonder... Will I be able to do the same things when I become a Mum?

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