Journey of Happiness

Both Lan and I humbly wish you all, our dear friends and family in Christ, a beautiful Christmas 2010. We pray that The Lord's hands be upon you and his blessings follow you always. May good health and abundant joy be with you all continuously. Love, Lan & Sherly

W inter has come wayyyyyyy early this year to UK. It's way COLDER than I've experienced and it's more SUNNY!! We get to see more sunshine than ever this winter, but it's way colder and frostier than ever! It feels so icy no matter how much clothes I wear... And it seems that it might snow badly this year. Let's see what will happen. I am just glad that it's not a wet rainy and gloomy winter! I love the sun! I am aware that I haven't shared anything about my birthday celebration, yeah I've been too lazy hehehe... and been doing a lot of assignments marking as well as debugging. It was a simple celebration. We went for a delicious dinner and Lan bought me a beautiful cake, which mostly ended up in his stomach LOL! He gave me a Swarovski crown pendant that I had been wanting. Mama Papa bought me the awesome Bamboo Pen Tablet, which I have been using generously for my scrapping hobby. I got a special phone call from my family in Bali and lots of birthday...

S o, I am 26 year old now!!! Hehehe! I am happy and thankful; firstly to my Lord Jesus for the wonderful life journey with Him. No matter high or low, I know that He is always faithful and be with me! Secondly, for my beloved hubbie and family (our parents and siblings). They teach me many things and the ones that never fail to support me. Thirdly, for all my awesome friends, near or far! Thank you so so much for the overflowing birthday wishes from all of you! I feel super happy today! :) From 25 to 26, I learn a lot about patience. I know that I'm such an impatient person, the last one year has been a huge lesson for me (and for Lan too). The Lord taught me to be calm and patient in everything. Be forgiving too. I am looking forward to the next one year adventure with The Lord to my 27th. Because I take my life, one step at a time ;) God bless you all!

i s never easy. I failed my mock driving test today :( Yeah... I feel crap and disappointed with myself. I feel like I disappointed my husband for all the financial support he had given me... I panicked and totally messed up my driving; almost hit a car, too fast, didn't stop on-time... I could go on and on on my mistakes, but yeah, I went home upset. It's tough to face a failure, but I am blessed to have a gorgeous and supportive hubbie. He comforted me and soothed my mood. Thank you God for him. So, it just means I have to practice more... fix my mistakes, learn from them and prepare for the big exam! Lord, help me on that!

S o... the implementation part of my program is done, now I'm in the middle of the bridge and about to cross over to experimenting stage. And this is the most painful part of all... debugging. When you have hundreds lines of codes and your output gives an exact opposite of the expected answer, you'd go crazy. That's what I am now... crazy! My program is not quite correct. I am super frustrated about that........ Why can't it just be right and give me easy time? LOL! So, I'm totally not happy about that :( On top of that, I've got a meeting with my supervisor, this is not going to be a good news. *sob* I guess I just have to say what I have to say! Aside from that... I'm going to have my mock driving test on Saturday. I hope I pass it so that I can just get onto the real exam next month, instead of spending more money for additional driving lessons. Oh well, at least tomorrow it's Friday. I'm glad. God bless!

D on't you hate it when you find something bad makes your day feel soooo long? Even hate it more because it's a Friday? Yes? Well... that's how I feel right now. For the last few weeks I have been implementing a program in Java for my PhD and I am almoooost finished. HOWEVER, it's when you ARE almost finished, you find all these annoying bugs and things that are stopping you to actually finish it! *GAH!* I feel so frustrated! I wish Friday is a weekend too! LOL! That's my daydream, to declare that Friday is a weekend! I'm sure MANY people gonna love that! Hehehe... Anyway, out of my frustration comes a blessing! I am so blessed to have Lan, who always willingly helps and supports me. He actually helped the situation and provided me with some alternatives to move forward. Praise The Lord for a very smart husband I have. :) On the other hand, days have been much shorter lately and the winds much chiller. We are putting the clock backwards on Sunday (ends o...

I have heard so many explanations on how high blood pressure can endanger life and on how many people have this problem, but low blood pressure? Not too common right? Apparently, I am one of those people with low blood pressure. Yesterday, I could not get out of bed because of severe headache. It was so painful, it's like annoying and painful nudges at the back-side of your head. So, I was energy-drained and had to make myself do things slowly, otherwise, I'd start feeling dizzy. Having a mother-in-law as a chemist is very useful for me, because she gave Lan this handy blood pressure measurement device *whatever the real name is! :p*. So, I checked mine up... 90/43 was my lowest reading. Lan said, I should be DEAD with such a low pressure *geez, what a guy!* Anyhow, that's the culprit of my painful headache and dizziness! Even I don't understand why it can get that low! And yes, I had constant headache the whole day and it wasn't pretty! Does anyone of you have...

Have you watched this movie? If you haven't, I'd suggest you watch it! Lan and I went with no clue what the story is about, but we ended up laughing and loving this movie to pieces! Well, I won't spoil the movie for you, so that you'll enjoy the curiosity of watching it... but just so you know, this movie is not just for kids! The majority of the audience when we watched it was a parent with kids... and at the start, we felt like we're kids as well, but, after the movie was finished, we found out we, adults, got something to learn from this movie. Not just lesson, we got to laugh pretty hard and fun! I laughed until I cried hehehe... We chose to watch the 2D because it was cheaper and more enjoyable because we both feel uncomfortable for having to wear 2 pairs of glasses; our own glasses and the 3D glasses. Even so, I love the quality of the animation of this movie! So clear and cute! So, I hope, if you decide to watch it, you will enjoy it as much as we do. ;...

R emember that somewhere late in June I wrote that we were planning to get a new pair of wedding bands? Well, I completely forgot to say that those bands/rings were finally finished in mid-September! Yeah, it took them 2 MONTHS! Anyway, we love how they look, much simpler than our original wedding bands. Instead of white, we chose the original golden colour, with one little princess-cut diamond each, whereas our original ones have the round diamond on each. Mine is slightly thinner band than Lan's and obviously the diamond is also smaller, but I love it. Here is how they look... *since I'm in the office, I just share the scrapbook pages I made with the photos* For credit, please look HERE . And with a bigger photo: For credits, please look HERE . Now that the ring fits Lan's finger perfectly, he wears it everyday as he promised me. =) Although, when the weather is hot, his fingers/hands will swell and he has to wear it on his pinky finger, but at least it fits....

CHRISTMAS!!! C an you believe that?! I can't! Wow time is faster than just flying! I feel like 2010's new year day was just yesterday and now we are approaching Christmas already! The shops are selling Christmas trees, decorations and gifts already! WOW... soon it's going to be 2011. I am excited! Lan and I have lots of plans and we really hope that most of those plans can come to reality. :) I am super excited that Lan is finishing off his PhD on 6th December 2010. So at least he can start looking for jobs and we are not limited for just being students. I am nearing the end of my driving lessons. Hopefully next month I'd be confident enough to do my practical driving exam! I want to have my proper license and I start to enjoy driving and able to control the car better than before. Oh well... I better go and do my work now. Take care!

I have started to feel the real pain of having a long and unusual surname since I was 15 years old, when I went to Australia to study. And since then, I really have a bitter-sweet relationship with my surname. After more than 10 years hearing people pronouncing my surname weirdly, I kind of get used to it. When I officially became Mrs. Zhang, we decided not to change my maiden name. Simply because there are just too much paperworks to go through and we did not really have the time, the money and the energy to do it. So, the reality is that I am Mrs. Zhang by reality and Ms. Nietiadi on the legal stuffs. Do you know what's painful about that mouthful maiden name? It's when I need to tell people my surname, whoever they be, I'll have to spell it to them at least twice and *gah* that's one long surname. Or, even, when someone sent me an e-mail and they said they typed it right but it bounces back to them and they said there was something wrong with my e-mail. It tur...

A fter more than 6 years and 593 posts later, I am still here and blogging. I have to say I am not really a die-hard blogger. I don't post as regularly as I want to, but I am still loving my blog. It's like a living journal for me, though it's not as specific as what actually happened in my life, but it records the last 6 years pretty neatly... There are times where I just love to browse my old posts and re-read them, remembering what actually happened those time. Through blogging, I've also met a few of dear friends. =) Now that I am married, I don't feel as much as the need to share here as I used to, because I have a hubbie, whom I can share to almost instantly about anything and everything. Life's been wonderful than ever these 3 years. Yes, we fought, we cried, we hurt each other's hearts, but there were (and still are) lessons to learn. Above all those, however, we are happy. I truly love Lan, from the bottom of my heart, and truly believe he is th...

W hy... time flies and it's almost the end of the year soon! October and Autumn has arrived. The leaves turn brown and pretty, but the weather has become cooler. I've started this month with a sickness. I was beaten up by a very bad cold for at least 2 days now. It was so bad that I could hardly breathe and every part of my body aches... Now, let me share a little bit about our weekend trip to London. It was fun in a way, because we hopped on a bus that took us around to see the London bridge, fun unique buildings, etc... as well as very meaningful, because we got to hear a lot of sermons from Daddy Philip (he is an evangelist). It was 3 days of spiritual feast for us. On top of that, it was even better because Erwin came from Brighton for a night stay. So, we got to see each other at least for a bit. It is lovely to see your loved ones, always. We've got only a few photos in London, because we were so busy, so I scrapped them in one page. Mostly they are photos take ...

I finally got the mood to revamp my blog =) So now it has a simpler and cleaner look! And I'm loving it. At the same time, I've changed my designing blog into a similar style, check it out HERE ! We'll be going off to London tomorrow for the weekend. Daddy Philip, a pastor that is like my own daddy, is coming down to London from Kuala Lumpur for the weekend. So, we have planned ages ago to go down and meet him. It'll even be better because my brother, Erwin, is also coming down from Brighton! It'll be nice. Well, that's it for now. See you soon!

Y ou are not ought to travel alone any more if everyone you meet always asks "Where is your husband?" Yeah... that's exactly what happened to me when I was home for 3 weeks. Everyone that I know, when they meet me, the first question they asked was "Where is Lan?". It made me feel somewhat unwanted, hahaha..., and somewhat it's like marrying a superstar! Somehow, Lan has become a celebrity among my acquaintances. I even said to Lan, I will never ever go around alone any more unless it is absolutely necessary! It just seems that we just have to be together ALWAYS. And I like that :) I won't deny that being at home alone, it was just not complete. It was not as perfect as having him together with me there... It was different. Ah... my dear hubbie. I truly have a love and hate relationship with you, but, all in all, I love you more than I hate you. And I am forever grateful that The Lord picked you among so many men to be my husband, to make me whole...

I nternet was finally back on yesterday, praise God! That's quite a relieve. Lan is recovering from a bad cold. My parents are already asking for us to go back home again. Ha! I wish... Hehehe... Yeah we miss them a lot, too, but if we keep thinking about going home, how are we ever going to finish these PhDs? LOL! In about 3 weeks time, Bachelor students are back, that means I'm back to be a teacher-assistant. That means a bit more money for saving :) Weather has been perfect these days, sunny and not too cold. I love that perfect balance. I've been dreaming lots of strange vivid dreams lately. Getting married again, in the airport, having a herd of doggies and huge house, and many others. Phew, I don't even know what's going on in my brain. What I know is that it makes me feel exhausted every morning. ... And that has made me very random, lately!

S ince the last post. It does not help either that the Internet at home died. *sigh* It's bank holiday today, and yet I am in the office, just because... of the INTERNET! I have to say I have a love-and-hate relationship with Internet. I want to NOT be a dependant of Internet, but I guess I can't. Yep, I need more than a daily-dose of checking emails and forums that I am registered in. So here is hoping that Internet will return soon! These several weeks after I returned, I have ups and downs... I was badly sick when I just arrived. Got well for a week and then my blood pressure got real low and acting up on me :( But, I've been going to office, doing work, and resuming my driving lessons! I'll be having my theory 'driving' test on 14th September and will be studying again and again until then so I can pass. I need a LOT of work on my clutch control practically! I stall the car so many times that I get so upset with myself :( Other than that I am pretty g...

T omorrow I'll fly back to the 'war' zone... with a new strength and a refreshed heart to finish what I have to do. Tomorrow I'll fly back to the arms that have been missing me a lot, the warm pair of arms that will never stop to protect and care for me. I am in between happy and sad. Sometimes, I wish things will be simpler and something like this will never happen in my life... but there is no turning back. I have a husband that is waiting for me. Anyhow, I had great time at home, all spent with my beloved family. I am happy.

A nd ten days left! *sob* And half of my suitcase is full of food already! All for Lan and my brother! I am super happy to be at home, just chilling and spending time with my family. It shows me how much I miss my home and how important my family is to me. Don't take it wrongly, I miss Lan terribly! But I am sure he is happy for me, too. I am taking the time to unwind from this extreme fatigue. My love goes to my beloved; husband and family. They are dearest to me.

P hew! After so many delays and awesome few days in Singapore and Kuala Lumpur with Papi and Mami, I am finally home in Denpasar last night! I had a great time having private holiday with just my parents, something that rarely happens! I am missing Lan terribly here... but hey, time flies and soon I'd be in his arms again ;) I also miss my scrapbooking communities and my scrapping time too! But I am making sure that I take lots of pictures of my family to be scrapped when I get back to UK. =) I am well, but tired with all the travelling. Thank God that, on my Colombo-Singapore flight, Emirates upgraded my seat into the business class! What a treat!!! OH well, I guess I shall enjoy my holiday as much as I can. Eat good food, love my family and pray for my dearest husband. Eat, love, pray! ;) That's all for now, friends! God bless!

O h my dear hubby, I miss you already!!!! Love you dear with all my heart. Try to not miss me too much for three weeks ;)

...makes your heart grow fonder. - [c 1850 in T. H. Bayly Isle of Beauty (rev. ed.) iii.] I s that true?! I hope so. :) I'm going home on Thursday, yeah 22nd July 2010. However, I'm going home alone. Lan would love to come, but he cannot - more like he is not allowed. His final PhD deadline is coming up fast. 6th December 2010 is the LAST day he is allowed to submit his thesis in order to get the PhD title. If he fails to do so, all these 4 years will come to NOTHING. Well, I wasn't planning for a holiday this summer, but I was persuaded by my parents. They kept asking EVERY single day for us to go home and they know I was so stressed, hence, I decided to go after Lan gave the permission. I'll be away for 3 weeks and coming back on 13th August 2010. I find it this time to be much harder than the previous time I went home alone , though it's much much shorter. But, tickets are bought, so I'd have to drag myself if I have to. See you when I see you ;)

W here has time gone?! I can't believe that we've been married for 3 years today! I guess it's true that life goes fast when you are having fun ;) Just like anybody else's, our marriage has never been easy. Lots of friction and fights every now and then as well as some misunderstanding. Since we both communicate not in our first languages, things get complicated sometimes. But, we went through that and still keep helping each other to improve and be better for each other. Each day, I realise it more and more that I am super blessed to be married to such a wonderful man! Here is to my handsome and beloved hubbie! Happy 3rd annivesary, Hun! I give thanks to The Lord for having you in my life. I pray that each day I be a better wife to you and for you. Love you always!

A few of you asked why, instead of resizing our rings, we are buying a new pair of wedding bands. Well, both of our original wedding bands are engraved on the inside of each other's name and our wedding date. So, it's difficult to resize it without doing any damage to the engraving. And, on the other hand, who could resist a new pair of wedding bands, right!? Hehehe... I am super excited for Saturday. We won't be celebrating the anniversary tomorrow (2nd), but on Saturday (3rd). Simply because, since we already bought the tickets to watch Eclipse on Saturday, might as well make it a special occasion. Nice lunch and then go to the cinema. :) It's a short post today. I am planning to blog again tomorrow :D

T hat's today! Lan had a dentist appointment this morning at 09.50am. The point was to check his wisdom teeth, the dentist said last week that he might be able to do some filling on the teeth. However... when we got in, he said that he won't be able to put some filling *he thinks* because those teeth were pretty bad. Tada! He changed his mind without informing us?! He was just straight away saying that *after last week's appointment* he looked at the teeth x-ray and the odds are slim to do put filling. So the options are removing them or leaving them until they create pains! What the...?! No, doctor, that does NOT help a thing! Knowing Lan and dentist do not go together, removing teeth is WORSE! I was going insane in my mind; listening to the dentist, looking at Lan, who was growing nervous ever more. Nope. It's not good. Lan does not work that well under unpleasant pressure. And, as much as I agree with the dentist about removing those bad teeth, I tried to contro...

Y ay!!! My provisional driving licence has arrived today! I am so ecstatic! I thought it will take a LONG time for it to arrive, but within a week, it's HERE! So, Lan has enrolled me on 20-hours lesson in BSM (British School of Motoring) and it will start on 9th July 2010. I am super excited to properly learn to drive :) It will be good to be able to go around by ourselves when I get my proper licence one day. We won't have to be dependent on the trains/buses any more. That'd be real good ;) Well that's it for now. Off to my implementation again =D All the glory and honours to you, my Lord, Jesus Christ. You are my strength and where my help comes from... Thank you for the words that remind me; That when the enemies strike, You are in the midst of the war. That You are doing everything for our victory. That You care, that You know how I feel. That, no matter what, You are for me, not against me. Lord, I live for you.

I t seems like a few of you were unsure whether Lan is a Chinese or Indonesian. Hehe... Lan is authentically Chinese. He was born in Ji Lin, but grew up in Beijing. His parents were born and grew up in Beijing. However, they met in Ji Lin. They were both sent to Ji Lin during the revolution, away and separated from both of their parents. In Ji Lin, they were to work in the field. That's how they met. They returned to Beijing after the revolution was over with little chubby Lan. He spent all his life in Beijing until the day he came to Liverpool to study Master degree. That's how I met him :) We were class-mates. He cannot speak Indonesian and there is a big chance that he never will. He does not handle learning language well, even English is a big effort for him to learn :) But he has to, because he is living in Liverpool AND because that's the language we use to communicate currently. I have to say it's a lot of effort and, very often, we misunderstand each other an...

B een awhile since I last posted. It's like I want to post but I don't know what... Life has been just the same routine over and over again, except for last week, where I had to go to Manchester for a workshop for 3 days. Some parts of it were very useful. I got to get some tips on job interviews, career planning and some insights on related career prospects. It was tiring though, because we had to leave really early in the morning and return a bit late to avoid the peak-hours traffic jams. There was one day where we arrived there at 9AM, but my program did not start until 12PM. Good thing the venue was in the city centre, so I just went out and about to kill time. For more than 4 weeks now, every week I accompany Lan to go to dentist. He was getting a denture, since some of his teeth were pulled out because they were badly damaged. Now that the denture is done, the dentist found out that both of his wisdom teeth are having bad cavities. So, this Friday, we have to back to t...

Y ou missed someone... When you dreamed about them. Several nights ago, I dreamed of my belated grandma. We happened to be in the airport, where Lan and I were heading back to UK from Indonesia. She cried, begged us not to go. I cried, too, in my dream and in my sleep for real. Ah... I miss you, Mak. It's been more than 10 years now, but you are still close in my heart. Thanks for meeting me in my dreams when you miss me. You'll always be the best grandma for me.

C an't believe that we are half-way 2010 already! Gosh... June started with both Lan and I being sick. Yep, bad cold! I had it first, but in a mild level, then passed to him. Lan would cough like a strangled rooster and it's just not funny! At night it would bother me so much *I am so noise-sensitive* and I end up not sleeping until dawn. I'd wake up feeling horrible and, then, started having this annoying itchy feeling in my throat! Not fun at all. We're like a couple in a quarantine. Staying home and being sick. LOL! We are better now, though. Lan started to go to office again this morning. As for me, I'm having hard time with my sleep. Blah. My body is feeling like it's just been under a running double-decker bus! On top of it, I got plenty of bad dreams lately. Anyhow, I'm still kind of ecstatic! Next month, we will be celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary. Life is really a blur when you are spending it with someone you love so much :) I have to s...

H uff! Can believe that May is almost over... this year has gone like a blur! Life's been upside down for me this month. I think I am literally going more and more insane (i.e., I was already insane, just becoming worse!). Honestly, I think I am going down the hills. It's a TOUGH month, May is. It throws me out of the league, I feel. I got my paper rejected for the second time, so that's my hope of going to Paris in September gone out of the window. Why? Simply because 2 out of the 3 anonymous reviewers did not like our 'Logics'. Ack! When you spent so much time investing and sweating over a paper, blood and sweat and your sanity, a rejection is never good. Nope, I did not cry. Did not feel sad. Did not panic. It was Lan and my mother going heads over heels. Not me... I was more... discouraged, I'd say. It kills my buzz. It takes away all that's in me to finish this race. Much more fatal and scary than the panic and the sadness. It makes me struggle. Badly. ...

And the seed that You sowed grow... Into a little plant, Rooting on the best soil, With its tiny green leaves. Thank you, Lord, for nurturing him. Thank you, for letting me witness the work of Your hands in my husband's life. It is a joy to hear his desire is to serve and that his passion is for Your Kingdom.

U gh... lately my body is totally not feeling well! I get tired so easily and my shoulders are so often painful =( This really makes me want to go home and have a full body massage! How I wish my home is only so close to me =( UK is back to a series of gloomy days lately. It rains rains and rains a lot! The temperature also gets colder... it really does not feel like spring at all! But, hey, life goes on! After the 'false' positive a few weeks ago, I was quite down and sad. My body was in a mess too... but I guess I can do nothing about it. It was just not our time yet. It brought me back to the reality that I wanted it too much that I became obsessed and I felt disappointed too easily. Life does not always go my way... Yeah I should've remembered that before feeling all ugly and sad like that. =( Anyhow, this month will be super duper busy for me... Things just keep piling on top of my list and I have been procrastinating a lot lately. Blah... that's for being a lazy m...

Heart, all the hurt will soon be gone, if you'll just keep on being strong. ... Give it time, help me through. Heart, we can do this together Heart by Britney Spears. Taken from here .

I was really hoping it was the sign... I was really happy of the thought; the tiny life inside me... All of the changes I felt last week gave me the idea of it... The lateness, the hunger, the cheerfulness and even the different pains I felt. I guess it's not quite the time yet. Things don't always go my way. BUT I am sure my GOD plans for the best and it is coming. The bright side of this? Lan is much more prepared. Lan is more aware that, for me, it is time for our little family to expand. And just for that, I am forever grateful. That something good comes out of this sad day.

I woke up early in the morning feeling really hungry. I wonder why? I am not such a morning person and it's always hard to wake me up in the morning... but these two days, I've woken up by myself and without any hard feelings. WEIRD. Ps. OH! Another beautiful day today! Woohoo!

W hen the sun is out, when the sky is blue, and the weather is warm. It's so lovely to be outside, when it's so bright and sunny outside. And today is one of those few sunny days.

W e had FUN! This trip was organised by the University of Liverpool for the International students with family; so there were lots of kids in the coach, but luckily it was not so noisy at all! Basically, we got to go to Conwy for free (The University paid for the coach hire) and we only needed to spend money on our entrance to the castle, lunch and some souvenirs. Thank The Lord for such a beautiful day! It was absolutely sunny day, bright blue skies, just PERFECT! We had great day there. We arrived at around 11 am, departing at 9 am in the morning. Conwy Castle is one of the World Heritage sites. It is overlooking to beautiful sceneries at every sides, built so close to the sea. So magnificent! Too bad, I have a faint heart! Hehehe... I have a fear of falling (yep, falling, not height!), so bad... that while going up the winding stair to the top, I was totally shaking. I was grateful that Lan was so patient with me and helped me a lot. We took lots of photos, ready to be scrap...

P aper is submitted to another conference (TIME 2010). Whether it is accepted or not, the MOST important thing is that I know I tried my best! The rest, only God can deal with it :) If I get it, I'd go to Paris in September... if I don't, well, try another conference ;) Well, back to my excitement! I am going to a one-day trip to Conwy Castle in Wales tomorrow with my beloved hubbie. I am super duper excited to have a one-day full of fun! I pray that the sun will be shining and the day will be warm, blue skies ahead. :) Yay!

P ardon my neglection on my blog. I feel like it's been so long since I posted my last one. I don't know... lately I just don't feel like writing that my life is monotone and I have nothing to write about LOL! Easter was passed without doing nothing special really. Just really having quality time talking and sharing with Lan. It was good... when I decided that I should be away from the computer for awhile. After dinner, last night, I asked him to sit and talk with me while I was peeling garlic. We talked, shared and laughed. I think, marriage-wise, we have improved quite some more. The way we handle arguments, anger and frictions. We have much less fights and the lifespan of those fights are considerably short. We forgive each other much easily and have less drama. Thank Jesus for that! With each passing day, we have seen each other as a mirror for each other a lot as well as identified our differences. I am trying to open myself more to him, sharing about my everything...

I am the Lord who started My work in you. I am the Lord will complete My work in you. There are times you feel that I am far and you are forgotten. But, through all those times, I am always with you. I am The Lord, always within your reach. Sunday, 21 March 2010 I should've known better...

T oday, I got the e-mail saying that my paper has been unsuccessful aka rejected. Yep, remember this chaos ? The paper we submitted was not good enough. Upset? Yes. Sad? Yes. But, I am not feeling as bad as I though I'd feel. I was ready to hear whatever news it was. I think The Lord prepared me for it, actually. Thank God for that :) This just means I am given a room to improve. To be better.

I have only had one grandpa in my life, simply because my Dad's Dad passed away long before I arrived in this world. The one grandpa that I have, had also gone away from me, without me being there in the funeral. Last night, I dreamt I was sleeping oh his and grandma's bed, the bed where I used to sleep as a child. Suddenly, I realised, I was back in their old huge house, the house where I spent my first 4 years of childhood. How I miss that house, the huge indoor 'garage' behind the house, where I used to play hide and seek, learnt how to ride bicycle (which never was successful!) and many other fun things. I was sad when I heard Grandpa sold the house, after Grandma died. I can't blame him, it's too big a house for him, I think it was an act of loneliness. Through the years, as I grew older, my relationship with Grandpa grew apart. We did not live together any more and, hence, did not see each other as often. Then I got irritated too easily when he teased me ...

Y ep! We are back in 'office' now. Already... I am having a hard time remembering what exactly I did before Lan was sick. It's refreshing to not remembering all those things during the panicky time, but it's frustrating when I find myself feeling dumb for not remembering anything NOW. Hehehe... Anyhow, Lan is good now. Every now and then, he might feel too tired and decide to take a nap, but he is back on track again, finishing his thesis. Thanks a million, dear friends, for praying and supporting us during these few weeks. It had been one (hell) of situations for me... but I am glad I went through it NOT alone, but with my dear Lord and dear friends and dear family surrounding me, caring for me. Lately, the sun has been generously shining upon us in Liverpool! Though it is not warm, but it's amazing to know that a sunny day brings so much happiness and cheerfulness, compared to the gloomy day. I am looking forward to Spring and really hope it gets warmer each day.

H i all! Thanks a lot for keeping us in your mind and asking about how Lan is doing. He is much much better now and in the process of recovering. He is not in bed as much as last week and has started to do his daily routine again, except for going to office. I've told him to take it slow and easy... Well, apparently being a nurse is such a DIFFICULT job! I am EXHAUSTED! Yep, he is recovering and I am going under... I'm lacking sleep and feeling drained. Above all, I feel like I am running low on patience... I find myself times and times again snapping at Lan, being mean, which is NOT a good thing. Gosh, all in all, I think I need a vacation - A MONTH of vacation - on the BED! LOL! I just hope Lan will keep getting better and no unpleasant surprise coming our way regarding his health. That's life for me at the moment! Will try to post more often! God bless you all!

L an is HOME!!!!! Can you tell how relieve and happy I am?! The doctors put their hands up, they really don't know what was wrong with him. So, they advised him to go home and have rest, and truly, Lan prefers it that way! In the hospital, he could not really rest. So... he still is very weak. He still has nausea and headache when he sits or stands up. In fact, he vomited as soon as we got home. BUT, I am really glad he is back home, where he feels really comfortable and can fully rest! I really do not mind all the works I have to do for him. As soon as I cleaned up the mess, I helped him shower and wash his hair. He felt much fresher immediately. Right now, he is snoozing and snoring. One thing he cannot really do in the hospital. So, I am praying for his speedy recovery. :) Ps. Oh, thanks a LOT for all your supports, friends!!! It means the world to me :)

T oday was kind of an up and down day for Lan. In the morning, he was not allowed to eat, because suddenly they decided to do an Ultra Scan (USG) on him, to check on his liver and stomach. The GOOD news is that everything in his stomach was fine. The BAD news is that he was having this bad headache and nausea, due to sitting up on a wheelchair. The nurse had to give him a shot and some painkillers because he was unable to move, sweating excessively and looking green. The doctor saw him and, after some discussion, she said that it is really the post-lumbar puncture effect. *ARGH!* Another good news is that the doctor is keeping an eye on him, if by tomorrow the fever does not return, then he might be able to go home. Yeah! I do prefer that he is resting at home. He told me he could not really have a good sleep, because there is always a machine beeping or a nurse coming in or some other noises. In that case, I told him, I'd rather him be at home and I'd nurse him. That way he wi...

T oday brought a positive news: NOT meningitis and NOT brain infection. They keep testing though... today, Lan said a nurse came to take another HUGE tube of blood out of him for more tests. He looks OK, but every now and then fever comes and tonight he was feeling like car sick. Argh... I don't know. I just hope they figure it out SOON! This suspense is killing me! Don't say that you are a burden to me, coz you are not. Don't tell me to not come when you want me to come, coz I want to come. Don't tell me to go home because of snow, coz nothing can stop me from coming to see you. Don't push me away, coz I am all to willing to do all these... If it makes you feel better. If it makes you happier. If it makes you more comfortable. I will do everything. For you. To: Lan.

I t all started on Saturday night, 21 February 2010. Lan started to have a fever when he went to bed. It got really bad at dawn, he woke me up at 5 a.m. asking for cold towel, hoping to tame the fever, which was around 38.6. Morning came, he was out of strength and breath. It took so much effort for him to go to the bathroom, which is less than 5 meters away from his bed. He took some Ibuprofen and I continued putting cold towel on him. I made some porridge for him, but he did not eat much due to lack of appetite. I put some ointment oil on his feet, back and stomach to keep them warm and hoping it was just cold air causing problems. The fever went down to 37.6. So I was less worried at this point. I made sure he drink water often and glad that he did. Dinner was much better. I fed him porridge and boiled egg, he ate much more than lunch. He said that he is feeling better, but mostly he just stayed on bed, resting. BUT, the stupid fever decided to return to him around 11 p.m., time whe...

W ithout you next to me... For the first time after we married, I envied couples walking hand-in-hand! It made me cry... I miss you, honey, and it breaks my heart to see you laying on the hospital bed being weak. It hurts to see you are in pain. It kills every time they took blood out of you. My heart screamed when you told me how painful the lumbar puncture is... Dear, I hope you get well soon. I really pray that you will be back by my side again very soon. Whatever it is that happen to you; may it be brain infection, meningitis, malaria, viral infection, whatever! I know our God is your Healer. He heals you. Tonight, walking home from hospital, I could not hold my tears any more... I saw more stars in the skies than ever, but it was missing that ONE star; YOU. Be well, honey... I miss you.

O n Sunday, we went to a church that I've been wanting to go. It was a colorful journey to start with; Lan & I quarreled, we got lost and was late for one hour! LOL! But, all in all, we like the church. We came just when the sermon was about to start. So that was good. Lan also feels comfy about going to that church. So, we have decided to try going there every Sunday, as for now. Afterward, we had a very late lunch (3pm!) at a Chinese restaurant, which was a very bad decision! LOL! It was crowded and so busy, the food was not as tasty as the usual day. However, we did meet a friend, Simon, there. We were chatting and I was struck that it's been 3 months since we last met together! Ack! Where did the time go?! Life just went pass by me! Lan said that our days are so monotone that time is just a blur... I guess that's true. I am feeling so out of place with all of this routine. Yep, I'm not really a routine-girl! I like adventure and exciting things; unpredictable a...

H e is my PERFECT man. We had a long talk yesterday afternoon about ME. Yep, he noticed that something was terribly wrong with me; no enthusiasm to go to office or do my study. So, he spent the afternoon at home with me... be my good listener while I spilled my heart out. You see, I don't do that much often. I rarely talk my heart out. I mostly listen to people that I am not used to talk about my feeling. Yesterday, he was patient and I tried to open myself. Awkward at the start, but it went nicely at the end. I fell much better, much lighter, much happier. Now I can continue to do my work. How The Lord works in wonder to give me him. My perfect match.

L ately, I have been wondering why every time I wake up in the morning, I just feel more tired than the day before. I feel so tired and dis-functional, like my head is just an empty skull. I cannot really relax, no matter what I try... I'd dream about things I have to do in the next day each night and that is not pleasant. It's all restless... Maybe it's due to this long and never-ending studies of mine... Or maybe some other things that I don't know what. Sometimes, I feel that I can just pass out at any time, and that feeling scares me. The only thing that I can do right now is to remind myself, it's all going to be over at the end of this year... That's my goal, at least...

W ow! The second month of 2010 is here already! January was a flash for me, because of all the madness and the suspense of writing a paper. I am kinda glad that it's over now... However, February comes with its own agenda, I believe. I am getting nervous... My supervisors have just asked me, in last week's meeting, to start my thesis' Table of Contents ! Is it really time already?! Gosh... I am in my THIRD year already?! I will be busier than ever... I've got a poster day coming up in March, an interview in May, a journal to finish off and submit somewhere ASAP, another research topic to do and a thesis to write. Huff... What a life?! I just hope and pray that I can endure and get through this year in sanity! LOL! Because I am really looking forward to finish 'writing' this chapter of life, still a chapter about ME. I want to start the next chapter already, which is about US; about Lan's and my family. We have agreed we want two beautiful juniors to complete...

I feel like I've abandoned this blog for forever! Well, literally my life has been in chaos for the past 2 weeks (at least!). When, I said I was going to slow down and breathe in, it did NOT happen. I made one little but fatal mistake on my paper, which sent me to a race with time. And I was tired! And I AM still very tired... I had fun with my brother being here, but I wished, oh how I WISHED... I had more time spent with him. Instead, I was running crazy in the office trying to fix this and that and do this and that. Argh... I am physically and mentally exhausted. I hope he liked the treats we spoiled him with and the day I accompanied him to go shopping. Hmmm... it's been a while. He went back to Brighton on Wednesday, and yes, I still cried. (Aren't I such a crybaby?!) I love him to bits! I see him becoming a man more and more each day and how The Lord walks with him! Praise God for that! Well, now that the paper is submitted and the technical report needs only minor t...

M y paper has shaped up, thanks to the teamwork with my supervisors. Tomorrow, we will be submitting, so this matter can be put aside at least until March! I am crossing my fingers that we will get accepted and published by the conference. I know we worked extremely hard on this. :) And if we do, hopefully, I will be attending the conference in Edinburgh, this July. I am looking forward for my second time going there... my first memory of Edinburgh is not very pleasant, especially because it involves me being in pain from Eczema. And, no, I don't forget... I would like to thank all of my friends, who have supported and prayed for me. I do believe that prayers do wonders and miracles! :) And with the business of writing paper coming to 'almost' an end, I am happy to say that I will be MIA for awhile! Tonight, Lan and I are picking up Erwin, my brother from the train station. He will be here in Liverpool until Wednesday. I am glad for that, because then I will have a reason f...

I t's been a long week... I am tired (beyond tired), lost my mind, can't really focus, feel like a zombie... But I'll keep going. I have too... and I will. I am beyond thankful to my dearest husband, who supports me so much all the way. And all the glory and honor to The Lord, for the favors that He pours upon me. It's unbelievable... To my dear supervisors, thank you! To the IJCAR conference's chair, thank you for the gracious extension on the deadline. Oh how I am loved! I will get there, to the finish line!

I t's finally the dreaded Monday here... I am not really looking forward to it, but, I still have to face it... It's officially the COMBAT week! To get a not-even-nearly-done paper to finish by Friday! Only God knows how to make this possible!!! So please please... pray for me that I am fit enough (to not throwing myself to the ground due to stress!) to endure this whole week of serious use of my brain! Thanks friends :)

B apaku yang terkasih, Terima kasih sudah merajutku di dalam rahim ibuku dengan begitu indahnya. Aku tahu dan percaya rancanganMu indah selalu dan rencanaMu atas hidupku tidak pernah melenceng. Ada kalanya di mana aku merasa hidup ini terlalu berat dan aku tidak kuat, namun saat itu selalu adalah saat terindah... Karena aku tahu saat itu, Engkau sedang melunakkan aku dan menyempurnakanku seperti yang Kau ingini. Ada kalanya di mana aku berlinang air mata, kecewa dan sakit, tertunduk dan sedih. Namun aku tahu, Engkau ada di sana; menangis bersamaku, menampung air mataku dalam kirbatMu dan membalut lukaku dengan hangat kasih setiaMu. Di dalam hidupku, Engkau adalah Allah yang selalu bisa kuandalkan. Tempat aku bersandar dan bertumpu selalu. Lebih dari segalanya dan semuanya, Engkau adalah Bapaku yang sempurna. Kau membuatku mengerti kasih yang abadi dari seorang Bapa, serta persahabatan yang kita punya, yang spesial dan unik! Kita punya banyak rahasia, yang hanya kita yang tahu, yang aku...

A few of you asked me where I printed my photobook, in the last post. Well, here is my answer: www.blurb.com ! After so much 'researching' and comparing different printing services, I chose Blurb because it offers the cheapest price for more pages. So it costs me around GBP20.00 to get a 40-pages photobook printed out and mailed to me! I know that a lot of people use Shutterfly, but gosh, I think their shipping prices are so EXPENSIVE! So, I had to give that one a pass. I love blurb ! Their services are superb and their software is easy to use. I think I'm gonna stick with them until I can find a cheaper alternative (Yeah! I'm all about cheap :p).

I t was supposed to be my Christmas gift from Lan last year, but somehow, it didn't make it in time... But I am glad that I finally got it NOW! What is it, anyway? Well, it's the very FIRST photobook of my scrap-pages! I love how my pages turned out. Though, I did complain about it not being as sharp as it is on my screen or sometimes the photos came out darker than intended, I am so very happy to have it printed out! Totally loving it! Even Lan, who hesitated when he ordered the book for me, loves the book very much and encourages me to aim for another book for 2010. :) (Click the images to see bigger size) This week, snow hit Liverpool BADLY! I mean, really, badly! I was so happy when it snowed so much. I went out by myself on a photo-hunting trip, because Lan just hated the cold! I have to say I had so much fun taking photos with my new 50mm lens, although when I got home, I was drenched with water! LOL! Here is the bad part though... the snow stayed for DAYS and turned to i...

T his time I am here to present you another fabulous kit, where Michelle and Laura of simply.scraps has teamed up again! I present you: About A Guy! This kit is so FABULOUS to scrap about your beloved MAN, your handsome BOYS and many other themes! As per usual it will be 20% until Friday! So go grab it while it's HOT! Here is what I made with it and a photo of my beloved hubby: Now, that's NOT all I wanted to tell you. At the end of 2009, Michelle had rearranged her CT for a bit and there so called the freebie team, which are making fabulous freebies for Michelle's FAN! And so, it starts RIGHT now! We have not one but TWO freebies up for grab! The first one is this awesome cluster frame made by Angie, which you can get from Michelle's blog: (Click on the image to go to Michelle's Blog) The second one is made by me and I hope you like it :) Now, here is the way of getting this second one... You just have to be a FAN of Michelle Batton Designs in Facebook ! So, if yo...

Ku kan terbang tinggi bagai RAJAWALI Di ATAS segala persoalan hidupku Dan aku PERCAYA saat ku BERSAMA DIA TIADA yang mustahil bagi DIA -------------------------------------------- I will fly high like the eagle Above all the problems of my life And I believe that when I am with HIM Nothing is impossible for HIM! A men! Last night while I was having difficulty to sleep, I was listening to this song by Irwan Alexander . And I felt The Lord was re-assuring me about this new year. That nothing is too hard to do when I am with HIM! I am in the process of writing a paper, as I probably already mentioned it in the past. I was finding it as a mission impossible. Why? The deadline for Abstract submission is on the 15 January and the Paper submission is on the 22 January. That's like days away... YET, I am NOWHERE near finishing it =( Last night, I went home feeling stuck and frustrated with myself. But, you see..., that's what I did wrong: depending on my own weak brain and only when I ...

I know that this is a bit late for the day, but I still want to dedicate a post for my mum's birthday, like I do it every year in the past years of my blogging. So, here is a very happy birthday wish for Mami! I pray The Lord adds to you all the desires of your heart and the best things that He has in store for you! Amen! And as for the requested birthday present, please keep reminding Lan so that you really get what you asked, Mam! LOL! ;) But, here is a little birthday present from me. :) I love this picture of you smiling. You do know that you are really beautiful to me; when I 'grow up' I want to be at least like you. I love you, Mam! Credits: Composure Plus by Taylor Made Designs Birthday WA by Three Paper Peonies Date strip from A Work In Progress - Designs by Vicki. And, since it is only the third day of 2010, I think it's not too late to post about my resolutions. I am never really committed on making resolutions each year, but this year, I make this list as a ...

M y plan to watch the London Eye's fireworks countdown last night was a total disaster, after we found out that our analog and old crappy TV does not catch any channels any more after the digital switch-over! Argh!!! We don't watch TV often, but I do want to watch the countdown... Then, my beloved hubby did his utmost to make sure I can watch the countdown, but looking for the i-Player of BBC channel. Yep, we can watch TV online now, but... BUT, the countdown is NOT available online! Blahhhhhhhhh... that was it... We gave it up! Instead, we just watched the clock and made our own countdown. LOL! We watched by the window for some fireworks that painted the sky, then we just hugged and kissed and wished each other a very happy new year ahead for our little family. We really hope that by this time next year (yep, I'm talking about 2011 already!), my tummy will be a huge round ball with our junior in it. We can't wait to build our family. Thank The Lord, Lan seems to be wa...